The Most Important Thing in Life
CHAPTER 2 LEARN TO DANCE
My wife never knew we had a Trash Problem until the day I shared this story with several hundred people. Can you imagine her shock to hear the intimate details of a private situation of which she did not know existed until her husband publicly spilled his guts in church and social media?
In the early days of our marriage before our boys grew older, it was my responsibility to carry out the trash to the receptacle bin in our alley for the late Saturday pick-up. My usual method was to use the commercial time during my sports TV viewing to hurriedly carry out this manly assignment. Somewhere along the way, the whole process became an irritant to my soul.
It seemed that Hefty never made trash bags large enough for all our trash. At least, I was very efficient at cramming them full. Several times, I would have the bag stuffed full and closed, ready for the alley garbage bin when my precious wife would notice “one more thing” for the trash. I would suggest she throw the item into the trash basket underneath the sink, but each time, she responded it would be better for it to leave the house in the trash sack I had closed and tied in a knot.
My memory listed them in my black book of spouse irritants.
An empty coke can. A magazine. A paper plate. A Kleenex. A toothpick. Yep! A toothpick. Are you kidding me? One time, it was literally a scrap of paper, a two-inch piece of scrap paper!
Now, good counseling and even good sense would suggest it might be better to gently explain my growing agitation about how this messed up my timing to be back in my chair for the next play in the sports contest.
However, in appreciation of my wife as a wonderful mother-housekeeper and because I wanted to act as if I were a fine Christian husband, I answered not a word. I simply stared a holy hole through her.
My recollection is that nearly every time I reopened the stuffed trash bag, something would spill out, causing a mess which called for a clean-up on Aisle Three. My lips were sealed, but my blood would boil. Again, my lovely wife never suspected the degree of my aggravation. How hard can it be to carry out the trash on your day off?
My usual reaction became a rushed trek to the alley, talking to myself about the idiosyncrasies of the lady who had enough courage to marry me. One day, the Trash Problem became bigger than my Hefty ego.
I reopened the sack. Cleaned up my spilled mess. Tied up the sack. Threw open the sliding patio door. Slammed the door. Yelled and kicked at the dog. Burst through the backyard gate. Lifted the garbage bin top. Hurriedly hurled in the Hefty bag. Banged the lid down. Slammed the gate. Stared down the dog hiding in the bushes. Forcefully opened and closed the patio door. Finally, flopped into my easy chair with mutterings which did not sound like cheers for my favorite team.
It was then that I experienced one of those moments when I heard God speak to my conscience or spirit. “What is wrong?”
I pointed in the direction of the kitchen. Just in case, God could not see that far or failed to recognize the one person occupying that space. God can hear everything, so I whispered, “My wife.”
“You know, the One you gave to me. She has a problem.”
Some people wonder if God really speaks to us or how He might sound. Well, in this instance, He sounded familiarly like my mother; but I do not think God needed to borrow her notes. He was prepared and His words were unforgettable.
“She is not the problem; you are. You are selfish and impatient. You are not loving and kind to your wife.”
That hurt!
If I intended to practice what I preached, then change needed to come quickly and permanently. I was ready for the next week’s challenge. It was Saturday morning; the game was in the first quarter. The Mrs. reminded me the trash needed to go out in time for the city pick up. I sprang into action, filled the sack, smiled, and sweetly asked, “Is there any other trash?”
I was disappointed when there was no response. I closed the sack and headed for the door, a little disheartened. However, God is in the miracle business. My Girl found the lunch soup can on the counter. When she called out there was one more thing, I stopped, quietly opened the sack, dropped in the can, smiled, and kindly asked if there might be anything else.
Cleared for take-off, I closed the sack, slid open the patio door, waved at the dog hiding in the bushes, routinely opened the backyard gate, raised the lid on the garbage bin and dropped in the Hefty bag. As I gently closed the garbage container, something happened. Another miracle? A praise song unexpectedly emerged in my mind and out my lips.
I reentered the yard with strange sounds and a skip in my step. I eventually coaxed our camouflaged dog from under the bushes into my waiting arms. He wagged his tail to my humming beat. We danced together before I returned to my front row seat for the sporting event.
I have never had a Trash Problem since. In fact, after hearing my trash tale, my loving wife started saving items to throw into the basket under the sink. Sometimes we dance. Dancing in the Moonlight gets me every time.
God dances and so do all those who love God and others. Have you ever seen the Divine Dance of Love? [Note: This is not a statement of doctrine regarding the Trinity, just an illustration of the greatness, goodness, and gladness of God’s love which is beyond our understanding.]
There is one God existing in three persons: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Spirit. The Holy Trinity is a tough concept to grasp and can quickly overload our mental circuits.
The Bible highlights their interaction as a constant voluntary deferral from one Person to the other Members of the Trinity, characterized not by self-centeredness, but by mutually self-giving love and joy.
I saw this illustrated in a dance with two of my granddaughters. They begged me to swing them around, each joyfully anticipating her turn. I held both hands tightly as I began to turn in ever-faster circles, listening to the incessant laughter as each girl squealed with happiness. The dance ended with me tossing the granddaughter gently on the couch to the scream of delight.
However, the dance was only beginning. Two other arms were stretched in my direction with the desire to be the next partner in this dance of joy. Again and again, the choreographed routine brought the house down with cheers of desire and delight. My joy was increased by their joy.
What moves the Divine Dance partners in ever-increasing acts of joy? Desire and Delight. The desire and delight of ever-growing and everlasting joy. Desire is the joyful anticipation of love; delight is its joyful satisfaction.
The anticipation of desire and the participation of delight create a dance-like partnership. “Desire is love in action; delight is love at rest” (Matthew Henry).
The joy of the one loved is superseded by the joy of the giver of that love. When we delight and serve someone else, we move into a dynamic orbit around him or her, as we center on the interests and desires of the other person.
God’s Word reveals that each of the divine persons centers upon the others. None demands the others revolve around him. Each voluntarily circles the other two, pouring love, delight, and adoration upon them. The other-centered movement creates a dynamic pulsating dance of infinite joy and everlasting love.
The early leaders of the Greek church had a word for this—perichoresis which is the root of our word choreography. It means literally to “dance or flow around.”
God is love but without another person, there is no love. At His essence, God is relational. God desires and delights to dance with us. “I will always desire what is good for you…I delight in doing you good” (#1 Textbook).
Creation dances in the glory of greatness as majestic love permeates every movement. However, that greatness is most magnified in the choreography of God’s re-creation of self-centered persons into grace-full dance partners.
Loving God and loving others imitate that same Divine Dance. When we see the joy of God and others, it becomes the center of our ultimate joy.
What do we learn from the illustration of the Divine Dance we are invited to join?
LIFE IS NOT ABOUT YOU FIRST AND FOREMOST. Why? Self-centeredness never works. It only messes up relationships which creates a Trash Problem.
We are all selfish and self-centered. It is not a matter of childhood immaturity. It is in our human nature. People do what they do because they are what they are. Selfishness lives in us and we live among selfish people in a selfish culture selfishly embraced by all of mankind. As the trash overflows, the mess grows.
We are all infected with the pandemic disease of Selfishness. The virus variants plague our culture. We live among people who are difficult and different.
The only antidote is to Love First and Love Most.
However, few people look for the cure; even fewer accept it, refusing to limit personal freedom and fun for the welfare of others. Our fears, anxieties, and frustrations are highly contagious; but we feel immune to this self-sickness force which weakens and kills other relationships.
Why? We live in a Selfie world where we do not agree on the most important thing in life for us to survive the threat of self-destruction: Love first. Love most.
The opposite of love is not hate; it is selfishness which demands others orbit around us. Therefore, self-centeredness becomes the enemy to the dance of love. For most, Bon Jovi’s lyrics are descriptive, “You give love a bad name.”
Bette Midler’s self-absorbed character in Beaches borrowed a line from a skit by comedian Groucho Marx. The independent, out-spoken, CC Bloom would not stop talking about herself to friend, Hillary. At some point, she paused her lengthy treatise of self-glorification to apologize for talking so much about herself.
“Well, enough about me; let’s talk about you. What do you think about me?”
We talk about what we love. Self-centeredness is not comedic nor fascinating in the real world where everyone desires to talk about me. We are not interested in considering someone else’s views on anything, just mine.
Is that not our reason for social media fascination? Facebook, Twitter, Tik Tok, and blogs are primarily about self and selfies. Social influencers use the different venues for self-promotion. “Well, enough about me. Watch photos of me while you listen to me talk, text, and blog about my opinions about everything.”
We naturally desire for everyone else to do what we want, when we want, and the way we want in our self-centered world. We seek to use God and others to serve selfish goals.
We even sacrifice the joy and interests of others to satisfy self’s desires and delights. We mark dislike, correct, block, or trump card their post. The problem is exacerbated by our own Selfie worldview on a certain collision with everyone else’s self-serving demands.
The God of love is completely different. God gives instead of takes. He serves rather than waiting to be served. He sacrifices so others can benefit. Other-centered love creates a dance of joy, each revolving around the other to the beat of ever-increasing joy.
Sharing our love needs to become more important than sharing our opinion. How does that happen?
The Divine Dance of Love begins with a basic two step.
- Love First. (2) Love Most.
Copy Jesus’ example like a child with a tracing tablet. Watch how He positions others into the spotlight as He always loves first and loves most. Learn it well. Practice it often.
Never worry about missteps; you have a Perfect Partner. God’s Spirit becomes ONE with you, united in your body; you can make the dance visible to others.
God LIVES inside of you,
to LEAD you to others
He intends to LOVE through you. (#1 Textbook)
Political debates and social protests clamor for change. What the world needs now is more love. God’s Love has power to transform people—both the one loving and the one loved.
Learn to preach to yourself in every situation: This circumstance is NOT about me. This moment is about loving them. Be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving just as Jesus has loved you.
Choreograph your love at home. Position the other person in the middle of your love circle. Practice, practice, practice. Together, we can give love a good name.
Love First. Love Most.
Trash problems will be resolved.
How do you Love First and Love Most?
Follow the directions. (next session)
Love Anchor 1: Remember the most important thing in life. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength; and love others as yourself.
Love Anchor 2: Love First. Love Most. God lives inside of you to lead you to others He intends to love through you.
LOVE FIRST...LOVE MOST 