WINSDAY WISDOM Session 204
LAUGHTER IS GOOD MEDICINE FOR THE SOUL (#1 Textbook).
Embarrassment. It happens. I still don’t like it. Maybe it feels worse when you have embarrassed those you love. My wife deserves a gold medal for what she has endured because of my goof-ups.
I was a real embarrassment to my oldest son when he was in the second grade. Occasionally, I would pick him up after school. One day he got into the car with a sad face.
I kept asking him what was wrong. He finally mumbled that his classmates made fun of him because of me. Now he really had my attention. “What did I do?”
He shrugged. Then he asked if I could park farther away from the school whenever I picked him up. “Why?“
The kids asked him if I were his grandfather. “Why would they do that?”
“Because of your gray hair.”
My hair was prematurely gray, and I was also ten years older than most of the other kids’ fathers. “What did you say to your friends?”
“I just told them my dad was not as old as he looked, but they kept making fun of me.”
I guess I could have dyed my hair or parked in the back of the line. That might have been helpful, even wise.
Instead, I arrived early the next afternoon and parked near the school’s door. I wore a Toucan nose mask. The toucan is the colorful bird on the front of a Fruit Loops cereal box.
That’s right. I had on a bright colorful red and yellow two-foot-long Toucan nose, like that of a giant parrot. I thought the vibrant colors blended well with my gray hair.
As my son’s friends passed by, I waved and announced, “Hi. I’m Kyle’s dad.”
I was hoping the conversations would move to “Wow, your dad is funny” or “Your dad is cool.”
Instead, the next day’s remark that was relayed by my embarrassed son was, “Is your old dad crazy?”
Yep. I think they even called his dad, “Old Fruit Loops.”
This week, I encountered another embarrassing incident at the bank. I went inside to request a cashier’s check. What should have taken a few minutes turned into a twenty-minute wait.
It is embarrassing when you do not have enough funds to cover a check or debit card purchase. I have been there. However, that was not the case with this transaction. I was being helped by a new teller who had great difficulty providing this service.
That was frustrating, but not embarrassing. In the first few minutes of my wait, a woman teller appeared from around the corner. As she took her place at the drive-thru window, it was obvious that something was not right.
Her short skirt was caught up in the back, tucked inside of her somewhat large panties. Apparently, she made a hurried exit from her bathroom break without checking the mirror.
The coup de gras of the wardrobe malfunction was the three-foot-long white toilet tissue paper following her. It appeared much like the tail of a kite waving in full flight.
For some unknown reason, my thoughts recalled the opening lines from Charles Dickens’ famous novel, A City of Two Tails…I mean, A Tale of Two Cities. “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”
As my mind raced to erase the image of what I just saw, the memory chip noted the undergarments did not appear to be panties. They resembled biker compression shorts…with a tail. I know that is too much information. That is exactly what my mind was thinking. How do I delete this image?
Have you ever been where you wish you had not seen something?
Have you ever seen something and wish you could erase it from your memory?
Have you ever seen something you wished you had never seen and then, you look again? Just to make sure that you saw what you thought you saw?
Have you ever looked more than twice just to see if what you saw had changed?
Note, there was absolutely nothing sexy or erotic or even pretty about this picture. I was embarrassed for her strange, oversized undergarment with skirt tucked inside and toilet paper stuck backside.
“It was the winter of despair…we had everything (behind us)…in the superlative degree of comparison only” (more Dickens).
My mind produced my associate in ministry and crime chasing Jeff Segner’s often quoted line from the late-night talk show host, Johnny Carson, doing his Carnac the Magnificent skit. The ‘Mystic from the East’ could ‘divine’ unknown answers from unseen questions sealed in an envelope.
His classic answer was, “Sage. Soothsayer, and Kate Smith.”
The revealed question was, “Name two mediums and an extra-large.”
I tried not to look. I kept looking around to see who else noticed.
The lady with her dress stuck in her ‘xxxx’ was working the drive-thru so she had her backside turned towards me and the growing line of customers at my incompetent teller’s window.
Who was going to tell her? The other tellers were guys. The woman manager walked right by her and asked if she needed help with the drive thru. Did she not notice? Was this standard dress for that woman? It was not even Casual Friday.
Part of me wanted to gawk and point out this fashion faux pas to others. Did you see that? Part of me acted like nothing was amiss in the teller’s garments and maybe no one else would notice.
I tried to think up conversation starters. “How’s your day going? Have you seen anything interesting today? Have you watched Stuck in the Middle?
The young lady was extremely cordial with the drive-thru clientele. She was much more efficient than the young man assisting me. He was fixated in some death stare at his computer screen. He never moved for several minutes which only heightened the temptation to see if the woman with the dress dilemma had reacted to the strange breeze flowing up her back.
I noticed several of the lady customers behind me whispering and occasionally glancing her way. Surely, one of them would discreetly help her correct the situation.
The half-dressed banker turned to help the woman in line behind me. The customer made her deposit and exited the bank without a hint or clue to the exposed teller.
What if I had mistakenly placed underwear on my head instead of my winter beanie? Would anyone try to lessen my embarrassment? Not anyone in this crowd.
I kept reminding myself this was not MY problem.
The smiling flasher returned to the drive-thru window. It was impossible not to look. I tried not to look. Every time I stole a glance, I regretted it.
So how does one tell a woman her skirt is tucked into her underwear? Should I pass her a note? Would they mistake it as a bank robbery? What do I write?
“You need to check your assets.”
“Do not say a word. Just turn around and put your hands behind you. “
“You made a deposit in the wrong place.”
“Can you make a withdrawal of your skirt from your panty account?”
“Whom should I ask about temporary cheeks…I mean checks?”
“Do you always wear your fanny-pack that way?”
“When was the last time you looked at the security camera footage?”
I even thought of leaving my comatose teller and going around to the drive-thru while loudly playing the song Stuck in the Middle. “Well, I don’t know why I came here tonight. I got the feeling that something ain’t right.”
I could pass her a note, “I know you are busy, BUT would you please look to see if there is anything caught in the backside of your drawers?”
Maybe I could tell her a joke. “Do you know what they call it when a teacher assigns homework to the bottom of the French class? A derriere-check.”
How and when do you help someone caught in an embarrassing situation?
We have all been there on both sides. Sometimes, we are the one in an unknown but embarrassing moment and, at other times, we are the one watching a relative or friend unaware of their embarrassing event.
It might be green stuff caught in their teeth. Or green stuff dripping or hanging from their nose. Or green stuff stuck to their hair, fingernails, or clothes.
Do you tell them or just act like the green stuff is not there? Do you rub that area of your body, hoping they will imitate you and unknowingly knock it off their body?
Do you try to lead them in front of a mirror? Or just let them wait until they get home to discover their embarrassment and wrestle with the question, “I wonder how long that has been there”?
Last week, my wife and I were with a friend who missed her mouth with the dipping sauce. It slowly dripped down her cheek. She continued with her storytelling while I tried to look away. But I had to look again. I glanced at my wife in wonder why she did not say something.
We should have handed the lady a napkin, but we both tried the “wipe our own face” routine, hoping she would take the hint. I was embarrassed for her, but I also enjoyed monitoring the slow progress of the dip moving down her cheek.
On another note, have you ever mistakenly missed the mute button on your phone or computer while you yelled at your kids or vented to your spouse about the people on the other end of the call? The next critical moments following your unmuted words heard around the world are filled with thoughts of what did I say, and do you think they heard me?
Embarrassment is the feeling of humiliation, shame, or awkwardness witnessed by others. You’ve acted like a fool, hopefully unintentionally.
Vicarious (secondhand or empathetic) embarrassment is the feeling of embarrassment for another person’s embarrassment.
Embarrassment is unavoidable. It should not destroy us for days or weeks or years. We should never be embarrassed about embarrassing situations.
Most of us carefully construct our lives so as not to be caught looking like an idiot. That is much more difficult for some of us than others. Alas, we just do stupid things!
Love endures all things…Love believes and hopes the best for others…Love conquers all things (including embarrassment) —#1 Textbook.
Love covers a multitude of stupid things. So does laughter.
Laugh more, even at yourself. It would be good if we could laugh at our own stupidity the way we can howl with delight at the unfortunate events in someone else’s embarrassing moment.
Be compassionate. You do not have to mock. Minimize the shock.
Let it go. That embarrassment does not have to haunt you throughout life. My son got over the toucan nose. He embarrasses his kids at a higher level. So does my daughter. They roll with the flow and chronicle the memories.
I could write a book. My kids probably will.
I really wanted to be there when the teller realized her embarrassing situation. Don’t we all want to enjoy embarrassment at someone else’s expense? I resolved not to look again. The spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak…Okay. I stole another glance.
I quickly turned to see if anyone noticed my illicit look. Why did I feel so guilty? This was not pornographic. If anything, it should have been WARNAGRAPHIC!
Hey kids! Do not look over there at the bank teller with her skirt up her underwear. I watched as other customers noticed the wardrobe malfunction. One gasped and covered her mouth as she continued to stare. One woman looked and then turned to her husband with silent head nods and eye movements to move his attention to the drive-thru window. She became frustrated when he whispered, “What do you want?”
She pointed. His expression went into shock as he muttered, “Oh my.”
Another lady saw the incident and quickly looked away to see if anyone saw her. Our eyes met. I smiled. And looked again…for the last time.
I rushed out of the bank. I did not want to stay around to see THE END.
LOVE FIRST...LOVE MOST 