WHY, OH WHY?

WINSDAY WISDOM Session 214

WHY? That is my wife’s most asked question directed to me.

WHY DID YOU (fill in the blank)? WHAT WAS YOUR REASON?

It happened again today after she found the wet clothes piled on top of the dryer.

[Note: This Winsday Wisdom is meant to be comedic, not criticism or complaint. If anything, it should generate compassion and condolences for my precious wife.

I think this observation of marital dynamics is an exaggerated view of something of which most of us have some familiarity. “Why?” This was also my mother’s go-to question right before, “Why didn’t you stop and think?” Any similarity in this story to someone’s wife or mother is purely coincidental.

This presentation is obviously from a man’s perspective. Duh! Women might wish to jump to the brief two-word summary review submitted by my wife and sister-in-law: “Why? Idiot!”]

WHAT WAS MY REASON FOR DOING THAT?

My wife just discovered the wet clothes I piled on top of the dryer.

Oh, my Google! Are you kidding me?

I retreated to the garage trying to come up with a loving, or at least reasonable, response. I certainly could not think of a wise answer. I was not angry. I was not fuming or cursing. I was in ‘murmuration.’ My garage was filled with murmuration, the continuous low volume noise which can be mistaken for suppressed complaints.

Mostly, I was just wondering.

Wondering why women think so differently than men. How can we be polar opposites on the spectrum of reason? Is every woman born with this interrogative curiosity? My granddaughters exhibit this characteristic.

Why does a woman inquire about a man’s reason for his actions when she has already decided:

(1) He does not have a good reason.

(2) He could never make up a good reason because one does not exist.

When your spouse or boss asks, “Is there any reason?” you can pretty much assume at that point that whatever reason you share, it will not be satisfactory to the inquiring mind. You immediately realize you are trapped. Your reason is going to be shot down like a drone in a war zone. There will be a barrage of endless follow-up questions: “But why?“

I hear all you men out there. I have thought the same thing. So, guys, just sing along!

Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Macho, macho man
I’ve got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I’ve got to be a macho man!

To paraphrase the Mexican bandit’s famous quote from The Treasure of Sierra Madre and revised in Blazing Saddles, “Reasons? We don’t need no reasons. We don’t have to show you any stinkin’ reasons.”

Doesn’t that kind of prove my point? We do not have a good reason.

Is there any reason you do what you do?

For most people, the answer would be yes. It might be a good reason, a bad reason, a foolish reason, a stupid reason. It might have been a well-thought-out reason or a spontaneous reaction reason with no thought to the consequences; but there is some reason.

I have a reason for this non-sensical rant about my wife questioning my reason for moving the wet clothes. So, hang on while I bounce a few reasons off you.

I wonder why women reason so differently than men. Maybe it is connected to how God created us.

I love the God-made differences in men and women. Viva la difference! I appreciate the completion a woman gives to an imperfect man. I admire the feminine roles of a sister, wife, mother, and grandmother. I am in awe of their emotional strength. I am grateful for the uniqueness of their beauty, mind, heart, and talents.

Men are created with physical, biological, and emotional differences which find their balance, their complement, their completion in a feminine helpmate.

My wife, like most women I have known including my mother, is just naturally inquisitive. It would be far easier to sit in the witness box of a pressure-packed courtroom facing a barrage of rapid-fire questions from the world’s most renowned prosecution attorney regarding indisputable evidence of my guilt compared to answering a woman’s simple, “Why?”

Perhaps women were created with investigative instincts. After all, God had already taught Adam the basics of this world like a father would a son. Adam knew everything a man needed to know in this life except how to live with a woman.

Then along comes a wife to question his learning retention.

And God made woman. She was created instinctively inquisitive with her independent GPS system. Just ask Siri.

“Adam, what was your reason for naming that thing a hippopotamus?”

“Why is that blue? It would blend better with its surroundings if it were a neutral color.”

“Where on God’s green earth have you been?”

“Why are you trying to kiss me all the time?”

Why do you think Eve took a bite from the forbidden tree? I imagine she asked Adam for a good reason why he shopped at all the other trees but avoided this particular one.

All Adam said was that God told me not to eat from that tree.

I am pretty sure the next question was an inquiry as to Adam’s reason for believing God said that to him. Maybe it was just part of a dream. After all, he had been asleep. He also lost a rib. Maybe that affected his mind. Who knows where a mind is located in a man? Lots of sociologists believe a man’s thoughts come from below his waist.

God said man was incomplete without a woman. Maybe man does not have the ability to independently think or listen. Eve was the first woman to question that. Surely, she was not the last.

The #1 Textbook exhorts the husband to understand his wife. It also clearly states that some things are impossible to a man. That would include understanding woman stuff and living without sports on TV. Those are impossible to man; but with God, all things are possible.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THE FEMALE MIND WORKS. There, I said it. I admit it.

That confession did not stop my wondering. Why did I place all the wet clothes on top of the dryer?

I was trying to think of a good reason for why I did what I just did. I needed to hit a home run with my answer. I stepped into the batter’s box and took my chances. My first three reasons struck out. The questions were too fast for my mind to catch up. I went down swinging.

My next three reasons were sacked by the other side’s strong defensive rush. There was no hope of completing an answer. My only option was to punt.

As you might guess, my reason usually includes some sports analogy.

I discovered early in marriage that math or simple physics never suffice as a reason. Logistics never has a chance. Any reference to tried and true navigational tools is wasted. Just words in the wind. That reminds me that meteorological information is also tossed aside when reviewing reason for choice of clothing.

Once I tried to use the English language as an explanatory reason. “You see, honey, I was caught in a conundrum.” Conundrum--a confusing and difficult problem which might not have a clear or correct solution.

My wife who has taught English replied, “I think the correct word is “cretinous”–a wrong and poorly thought explanation for something. It is a synonym for stupid.”

We compromised with irrational–without logic or reason.

I have often relied on the Adam reason. “God told me.”

Here is a quick Winsday suggestion to any man out there who identifies with what I am saying. When asked for a reason, do not say, “Because God told me to.” God will join your spouse in rolling His eyes at that one. God would never leave the wet clothes on top of the dryer.

That thought startled me. I was still standing in the garage staring at the car. I did not want to give a reason for that. I decided to mow the lawn and distract my thoughts from this age-old dilemma. Which came first, the wife’s question or the husband’s wrong reason?

The lawn mower did not drown out my troubled mind. My thoughts continued to wonder and wander. You will soon understand what I mean by that.

My body was murmuring and mowing. My mind was wondering and wandering. What was my reason for doing that?

When a wife asks that question, I believe it is joined with the unspoken thought that the man acted without any reason. It always catches me off-guard. As I grow older (and somewhat wiser, although that is debatable), I think the best answer is for us men to admit we had no reason whatsoever.

It does not free one from the entrapment of his error, but I still believe it remains the best manly response. Just confess to having no reason for what you say or do.

“Dearly beloved woman, I do what I do and say what I say with absolutely NO reason at all. I was NOT thinking just as I was NOT listening. Frankly dear, I am an idiot.”

That position is easier to defend than the obvious wrong action.

My reasons get lost in some quantum physics black hole that swallows up every male explanation. I thought I was helping…I thought you would like that…I thought you would not notice…I thought I would do something just to agitate you.

The bloom is off the rose. The truth has been revealed. I am just an annoying person…irrational…unreasonable…moronic. On the psychological Binet scale, ‘moron’ which means foolish is one step up from ‘imbecile’ and two steps up from ‘idiot’. Seriously.

My little boy came inside the house to tell me the neighbor’s kid had just called him a ‘moron.’ Then he asked me if a ‘moron’ was a football player for BYU. No, son, that is a Mormon. ‘Moron’ is what your daddy yells at bad drivers.

My moronic mind was racing as fast as the whirling blades. I did not look where I was mowing. I stared into my soul. There are some dark weeds in there.

What is my reason? Could I interest you in some ‘sarcastic’ comments?

Why? I wanted to take a longer route along a bumpier road so we could get stuck in rush hour traffic.

The store had a sale on husband-only snacks and soda.

I intentionally selected the ugliest and most uncomfortable shirt I could find to wear to church.

Maps and GPS are overrated. I do not trust Siri. I don’t like her voice, either.

I did not tell you that I broke your favorite lamp because I did not think you would discover that I hid it.

I thought you wanted an honest answer about that dress.

I scratched it because it was itching.

I like burnt toast.

Your family and reunion should not share the same sentence.

All sarcasm that never made its way out of my mind maze.

What is my reason for piling the wet clothes in the forbidden zone?

Why? What reason? Some reasons are baffling, my dear.

Why did Washington cross the Delaware? Why did the chicken cross the road? Why did the inventor of the alphabet cross the ‘t’?

Reasons are overrated. Any fool can have a reason.

I might be a fool, but I have ten-thousand reasons for loving my beautiful, kind, sweet-hearted wife. Let me count the ways.

What about our reasons to love first and love most? Look to Jesus. Count the ways He loves you in every season of life.

Whatever you do, give thanks to the Lord (#1 Textbook). Count your blessings.

Let’s love Jesus more. With His help, let’s love others more.

Say it more. Show it more.

John Gray wrote the classic, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. They came from their different backgrounds, fell in love, and discovered greater happiness because of the beauty of their differences. They relocated to earth and developed relational amnesia.

One example from the book suggests that men complain that if they offer solutions to problems that women bring up in conversation, the women are not necessarily interested in solving those problems, but mainly want to talk about them. (That is from the book. I have no reason to dare say that.)

God’s creation has the truthful story. The differences of the man and the woman were designed to complement and complete one another. Any amnesia of love is due to mutual self-centeredness which demands the spouse and the rest of the world orbit around what we want, when we want it, and how we want it.

God designed the cure to self-centeredness. Love is patient, kind, longsuffering. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. Love gives and then gives more. Love forgives and then forgives more. Love hopes. Love endures. Love is understanding and works to understand even better (#1 Textbook).

Appreciate the differences!

Seriously, I love my precious wife, even her inquisitive exploits into the depths of my mind searching for some logistical reason for why I do what I do. Most of her questions are rhetorical. She knows I am void of reason.

She asks about my reasoning not as a complaint. She is just curious about how the male brain works…and why it is so dysfunctional.

Macho, macho man
I’ve got to be a macho man!

We don’t need no stinkin’ reasons!

My wife ought to have a good handle on that by now. Surely, she knows that I am missing a rib and have lost some marbles.

Do I have a reason for what I did? Yes! I needed a subject for Winsday Wisdom that might brighten your week just a little.

Whether you are deep into ‘explanation’ or ‘murmuration,’ I hope you can smile today. You do not even need a good reason.