Do you have someone who does not like you? Maybe they hate you or have hurt you? Have they become an enemy by choice…theirs, yours, or mutual?
Can you ever forgive them? Will you forgive them? How? When? Why?
God’s Word teaches us that when a tree falls, it cannot be undone. If it falls to the south, it fell to the south. If the tree falls to the north, it fell to the north. The Bible is not giving a lesson about falling trees or a lecture on forestry. This is an illustration about life. Once the tree falls, there is no profit in questioning what if it fell in a different direction.
When something happens in your life outside of your control, there is no benefit to you or to anyone else to complain and moan and grieve over what might have been. There is no advantage to spending your thoughts on what if a certain thing had not happened the way it did. If the cut tree has fallen, it is down. It can never be put back in place the way it was or the way you would want it to be.
There are two options in your response to where the tree fell. You can get angry about it, but it will never change what happened. Or you can forgive and figure out how to make the best of an undesired situation. A response of unforgiveness can do more damage than where “the unforgiven tree” fell.
The #1 Textbook never discounts the hurt in a life’s story; it just highlights the theme of forgiveness in every chapter. Forgiveness is not an acknowledgment that what the other person said or did was “ok.” Neither does forgiveness make the other person instantaneously “likeable.” That person might never become your BFF.
Forgiveness frees the other person from our resentment and revenge. More importantly, it frees us from the control of an unforgiving heart.
Every day and in almost every way, forgiveness is the last hurdle for loving others. “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely ideal until they have something to forgive.” (C. S. Lewis)
We usually choose cold hatred that ends up with emotional execution of the enemy. The relationship is over. The only matter left to be determined is the cost of the severance.
I was the pastor at a new church where many of the people considered me their enemy. God thought this was the perfect place and people to teach me how to better practice what I preached.
“But God, being rich in mercy loved us because of His great love while we were still enemies to showcase the immeasurable riches of His goodness to us.” Then God told us “love your enemies.” (#1 Textbook).
God loved us first and most with extraordinary forgiveness and extravagant goodness.
Forgiveness is a divine act. God lives in us to lead us to others He intends to forgive through us.
Love forgives first and love forgives most. It eliminates the offense from the recycle setting in one’s mind and it releases the offender from any and all retribution. Clean record. No grudges. No bitterness. Love is the first to set aside every difference and all divisions.
Forgiveness treats the enemy as if they never hurt or hated you, even when they still do.
What? That’s impossible! Why would we want to let the other person off the hook without the hate of revenge and the hurt of retribution.
Why forgive? How do we forgive? What does forgiveness accomplish?
Why forgive? None of us likes to forgive. We prefer to rehearse the harm done to us rather than release it to God through forgiveness. We fail to see the self-inflicted damage caused by our unforgiveness.
None of us is perfect. We all need forgiveness. We all need to give forgiveness for there to be peace and harmony with others, and to soften our own hearts.
Most problems in life deal with the issue of forgiveness, some from the personal guilt of needing forgiveness, but primarily from blaming others we refuse to forgive.
We forgive others because it is the right thing to do. Who says? God does. It is repeated many times in the #1 Textbook.
An act of social media rage can unleash a torrential flood-like response of anger and hate. Rehearse and Curse. Rebuttals. Grievances. Suspicions. Rants. Name calling. Block. Distance. Revenge. Vendetta. War. Enemies forever.
We all embrace the tendency to build dividing walls of hostility for those we choose to dislike or disagree.
Forgiveness is the litmus test of love, the missing piece of the puzzle in most relationships. Construction of a jigsaw puzzle with pieces missing can be extremely frustrating. The process is enormously difficult, if not impossible. Like working a jigsaw puzzle, forgiveness is a process. The sooner you start, the better the result.
The power to forgive others comes directly from God’s love for you. We are to forgive others in the same manner and for the same reason God has forgiven us and continues to forgive us—to sense the greatness and goodness of His love.
How do we do it? Be the FIRST to trash the negative attitude and feelings. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malicious hatred” (#1 Textbook).
Then, love MOST by inserting the positive actions into the relationship. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as God forgave you for Christ’s sake” (#1 Textbook).
Our purpose in life is to live and love like Jesus. “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” (C.S. Lewis)
Love Isn’t Easy (But It Sure Is Hard Enough) was an Abba song from the ’70s. The dance movements of loving an enemy are sometimes easy and sometimes hard.
Easy because dancing with an enemy has the same purpose and same direction with the same steps. Love First. Love Most.
Easy because God gives you the power to love and forgive.
Hard because the dance takes place on a battlefield.
Hard because uncooperative partners are more difficult.
Forgiveness of enemies is extremely challenging, but not impossible, because God lives in you to love your enemy through you.
The love movement needed first and most is forgiveness, the hardest part of the love dance.
Real enemies force love to go to higher and harder levels. Our enemies start on our permanent “never forgive” list, which also contains the secret codes for an emotional nuclear launch. Enemies, inside and outside the home, throw hurtful and hateful words around like hand grenades. Their actions hit the heart with the destructive force of a cruise missile.
We want the enemy to know how badly he or she has hurt us. Hey! The whole world needs to know. So, we carry around our burden of bitterness toward them as if it were chained to our soul. Some keep enemies on a watch list of unforgiveable persons, like the man who proudly showed me his “get-even” black book.
“Love keeps no record of wrongs…Love always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (#1 Textbook).
It is time to trash your “get-even” book. It is time to give your “hurt list” to God and nail it to the cross where all offenses are forgiven. Free up your mind and heart.
Be kind. Tenderhearted. Forgiving. Be loving.
Be more sympathetic and more supportive.
Do not debate, judge, or condemn. Arguments do not change people; the power of transformation is in a kind word of loving forgiveness.
If the relationship tree has fallen, the damage is done. Do not make it worse. It does not matter who is to blame. Make the best of the undesired situation.
Love forgives First. Love forgives Most. Forgiveness is free, full, and forever.
What does forgiveness accomplish?
Forgiveness might not change the other person’s behavior, but it will free your heart and your happiness. It pours out the love of Christ on someone who needs it.
Unforgiveness of enemies always hurts you the most. “Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die” (Joanna Weaver).
Bitterness poisons our pain. It is never an antidote to the hurt; it only increases the damage. It cripples you emotionally. It negatively affects every other relationship.
Anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness are roadblocks to joy. Those imprisoned emotions only shrink the heart and chain life to the past. If you are bitter, admit it to God. He already knows. Ask God to heal the memories and ease the pain of the past.
Upon release from twenty-seven years of incarceration during the racial civil war in South Africa, Nelson Mandela spoke a much-needed reminder to each of us. “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”
Do not allow some wall or prison to be your excuse. Bridges of love are far better than the dividing walls of enmity.
NOT GOING TO SUGARCOAT THIS: FORGIVENESS IS ALWAYS UNDESERVED. FORGIVENESS IS ALWAYS UNLIMITED, SO DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW MANY TIMES YOU MUST FORGIVE (#1 Textbook).
TO OVERLOOK, LOOK PAST, OR SET ASIDE THE HURTS DONE TO YOU BY OTHERS IS NOT EASY. TO LOVE AN ENEMY WITHOUT RESENTMENT, REVENGE, OR REPAYMENT WILL ALWAYS BE HARD, HUMBLING, AND COSTLY TO YOU.
However, the worth of lasting happiness far outweighs the cost.
You never show God’s love more than when you forgive the one who hurt you.
Forgiveness is a process. You probably need to get started. Forgive someone today. Begin with the hardest one to forgive. That person who hurt you deeply might be part of your family. Forgive them. God will help you.
Sometimes an easy love can become so hard. But it can be so right…so beautiful…so freeing…so joyful.
LOVE FIRST...LOVE MOST 