WINSDAY WISDOM 223
What should you do if you feel you are never good enough? Do you get back on that performance treadmill and turn up the speed or do you just discount its value in a garage sale and quit life altogether?
[This Winsday is primarily directed to women, but it is also very helpful to men who run on that performance treadmill or live with a wife or daughter who does.]
Do you feel as if you never perform to the level of others’ expectations? Do you feel as if you cannot forgive yourself for where you have faltered, fallen, or failed?
Many of us have been controlled all our lives by what other people think about us or what others expect from us or how others respond to us. Do you feel that way? Do you struggle with feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, insignificance, worthlessness, or inability to forgive yourself?
Do you sense the pressure to perform to some social standard or media ideal, seeing yourself as some society- made puppet in the hands of string-masters being compelled to perform to please different audiences? Do you battle with feelings of fear that your worth is attached to your “performance” measuring up to others’ expectations?
The young and not so young fret over Facebook likes and social media comments. While many are posting their latest “selfie”, some feel left out, overlooked, and unwanted. They become plagued with stress and anxiety over what others might think about their child’s birthday party or daughter’s wedding, their size or hairstyle, their fashion choices or career decision regarding what is best for their family. We all long to feel accepted, valued, and loved for who we are and not what we accomplish or do not accomplish.
Women can feel insecure living in a disposable world of paper plates, plastic bottles, fast food utensils, disposable diapers, discarded marriages, and throwaway fetuses. The landscape is covered with things and people that are no longer wanted, just used, and tossed aside, so someone can get something new.
Behind the pleasantries and canned answers at church or work lies the hidden pain of insecurity. Some laugh the loudest in a crowd and then go home and cry themselves to sleep. The self-doubting performer will smile the brightest in public and then race home to stare at the blank walls, gripped in a deadly silence of perceived disapproval. Or they just exist—part of the wounded society searching in self-help books to shake the self-appointed title of “total failure.”
Many people struggle to embrace God’s unconditional acceptance which is not based on their performance level. They become entangled in a vicious cycle, sometimes starting as a young child or teenager, trying to please others while feeling or being made to feel that they never match up. They often battle low self-esteem, insecurity, and even despair when God’s Word promises freedom from trying to please others.
There will always be someone close to you whose mission in life seems to be pointing out your flaws and faults. They act like the mother-in-law, Marie, on the Everybody Loves Raymond sit-com. They are judgmental and intrusive. They might even start the conversation with praise; however, they just have to mention that one wrong note, that one missed spot, or that one better way to cook. They envision themselves as experts on everything regarding weight loss and flower beds and raising children.
Ouch! They just have a way of calling attention to imperfections in your parenting skills or worse, in your children. Your heart races, your throat constricts, and your stomach churns. You want to strangle them or at least scream at them to get a life! (Ooops! This is a Love First and Most post.)
Instead, you go home and cry. Your tears run down your cheeks like unlovely rivers of imperfection. Some days you cannot even do the mad or sad thing right. Whatever they say or however they communicate their opinions, they only remind you of what you already fear, not being good enough.
What should you do if you feel you are never good enough?
God says you do not have to be perfect to be loved. God loves and accepts you just as you are. He assures you that nothing can ever separate you from His love (Romans 8:35-39). God prefers you running into His arms of love, not plodding along on some performance treadmill.
Does that sound strange to you? Unbelievable? Unconditional love and acceptance might go against the way you were raised. That concept certainly counters our cultural expectations.
BUT GOD leaps to the limits of language to express His unlimited love for you even when you fall and fail. Here is the good news.
ON THE CROSS, GOD PLACED ALL YOUR PERFORMANCE TREADMILL SHORTCOMINGS AND FAILURES ON JESUS. They are now buried in the depths of the sea, never to return.
GOD PLACED THE PERFECT AND EVERLASTING PERFORMANCE OF JESUS INTO YOUR ACCOUNT. No one in heaven will ever condemn. For any other opinions (including your own), send them to the cross for an explanation.
You may not see that right now. You might not feel that way or think that or hear that from others; but it is true. You need to listen to the right voice, the only one whose opinion matters.
Since God is for you, who can be against you? Who condemns you? Certainly not God. What can separate you from the love of Christ? Absolutely nothing (Romans 8:33-35).
Perfection or comparison to others has never been the right standard. Just be the best version of yourself, even if that is a lifelong process.
You were never supposed to be like everyone else. You are not a puppet on a string performing for the culture and times you live in. God made you unique. God designed you specifically to fit into your family and into the lives of those linked by the circumstances.
What pleases God? Faith (Hebrews 11:6). When you do not feel good enough, trust God’s love to be good enough for you.
When others walk away, love stays. When others quit, love goes on. When others complain, love accepts. When others come to the end of their giving, love has just begun. Love does what it does not have to do.
Love fills up life with divine conjunctions and new horizons. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He has loved us…made us alive in Christ. He saved us (Ephesians 2:4). This gift was not deserved and certainly not earned by some performance treadmill test. It was solely the result of God’s grace.
When the skies of your life darken and the mood ring dims, it is vital to remember the truth. Take refuge under the shelter of its wings. You will find no performance treadmill anywhere around.
There are no measurements to match or tests to pass or comparisons to supersede. United to Jesus Christ, you are fully and forever accepted. Period. Done. Never to be changed. You will never need to ask, “How much is enough?” God’s love for you will always be good enough.
Do not marginalize the perfection and sufficiency of God’s love for you. You are fully and unconditionally loved and accepted because of one magnificent reason.
GOD’S LOVE IS ALWAYS MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH!
Spend some time in the arms of the One who loves you first and most. God will keep on loving you without judging your performance.
NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU STUMBLE ON THE PERFORMANCE TREADMILL, GOD WILL NEVER LOVE YOU LESS!
Preach that to yourself and share with someone you love who is still struggling on the performance treadmill.
NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU STUMBLE ON THE PERFORMANCE TREADMILL, GOD WILL NEVER LOVE YOU LESS!
The Lord delights in those who place their hope in His unfailing love (Psalm 147:11).
I pray the Lord will help all of us to hope in His unfailing love and to love others struggling on the performance treadmill with that same kind of non-critical, unfailing love.
MORE TO COME…
LOVE FIRST...LOVE MOST 