CAN A GOOD WOMAN CHANGE A MAN?

WINSDAY WISDOM 237

CAN A GOOD WOMAN CHANGE A MAN?

NO! NOT IF HE IS AN IDIOT!

As we transition from one year to the next, I want to chime in on the age-old question that has been debated since the time of Eve.

Can a good woman change a man?

This is just my opinion. And, of course, I intend to allow my wife to review and edit my opinion before it goes public and embarrasses her.

I am a man. I was born a male and I identify as a male. I have more dirt in and on me than Adam had.

I have counseled many men. I have trained many men. I have coached young men. My best friends are men. I am well-acquainted with a man’s ways, mannerisms, attitudes, and thinking process. I know the words to the song, Macho, Macho Man, and the country tunes about becoming A Better Man.

I think almost every woman enters a relationship with the belief she can change the man into what she wants him to be. In many cases, it is the same thing he wants to be, a better man.

A better man is not the same thing as a changed man. What is the magic measuring stick for a better idiot?

How many men out there have been called “idiot”? As the preacher says, “I see that hand…and that hand…and, thank you, I see you…multitudes of hands are up. Let’s pray.”

They say there is no cure for stupidity.

Being a man is not always easy. I know family men, fishing men and farming men. When I came to pastor a church in Shreveport, I became acquainted with southern men. At our first meeting, the circle of men began to introduce themselves.

When Bo Roberts drawled out his name, I asked what kind of work he did. He replied, “Far-men.” I asked what he farmed. He looked at me as though we were speaking two different languages. He repeated, “Far-men for over twenty years.” I asked again what he farmed. Bo shook his head and said, “I don’t farm. I fight fars.” He later became Fire Chief for the whole city. I don’t think he ever took up farmin’.

So, I have also known firemen. I have encountered councilmen, businessmen, handymen, hard-working men, hunting men, drinking men, and even some cowboys. Some lived in a mansion. Some in a tree stand. Some in the doghouse.

Women live with those men amidst much frustration and angst. They also are fairly unanimous as to the problem of the disconnect. The classic answer, “A man never listens.”

My wife said I never listen…or something like that.

I never listen? Really? Never? Are you saying I have lived with the best woman in the world for over forty-five years and I never listened even once? Never?

Just yesterday my wife asked if I would get two sacks of onion scraps from the garage refrigerator that needed to go into the trash bin to be set out for the next morning weekly garbage pick-up. I checked to make sure I listened for the first time in my life.

“Do you mean all the sacks?” Affirmative. I thought I had finally broken the long-standing trend. One for all the men!

As my lovely wife prepared tonight’s meal, she asked if I would get one of the yellow onions from the garage refrigerator. I replied that I had thrown all the onions into the trash, even the yellow ones.

She looked up in astonishment. “You threw away the good yellow onions?”

I replied, “They were in a sack.”

It was only a whisper under her breath. “Idiot.”

Why can’t a man lose the ability to listen when he needs to?

Sometimes, I just assume she is thinking out loud. It sounds more like elevator music, just providing background noise.

I probably should not have described her words as elevator music or background noise. If that statement remains in the final edition, you can be assured I heard the expression, “Idiot!”

I can speak for all men, everywhere. “Unlike women, we are not mind readers”….and I will speak for all women, “We men never listen.“

Apparently, some men do not even make an effort to pretend they are listening. How difficult is that? Idiots!

I tried to pretend listening with my mom. She would always finish the lecture with her analysis that her words went into one ear and came out the other side. I think she posted that warning on my back. My wife just reads the sign as I walk away from the discussion.

To all the women talkers pouring out their heart emotions and life struggles, please understand that every man is naturally equipped with a mute button. It is right next to his mixed signals button.

We also tend to take most things we hear literally and at face value. Men are more prone not to understand there might be a deeper meaning to a woman’s words. And unlike women, men can never read between the lines.

And for the record, I do not think you women say all that you think you say. Sometimes, a woman’s mouth moves but no words come out.

Non-verbal hints never arrive to the male mind. When a woman says she would never want such a thoughtful gift, we assume she means all thoughtful gifts should be off the shopping list. How about a new vacuum cleaner?

Yes, I think it can be male operated. The advertisement states it is idiot-proof.

Why do the minds of women and men work so differently when it comes to grocery lists? Stopping at the store is one way I enjoy helping out my wife. Our marriage version started out with verbal requests. She wanted one can of tomatoes for the soup.

That sounds so simple…to a woman! A man thinks in terms of not needing to go back to Lowes for a three-quarter-inch screw when he picked up a half-inch one. So, the efficient thinking man buys both, knowing he can use the other one in the future.

I did not know there were so many variations of canned tomatoes…peeled, diced, petite diced, fire roasted diced, diced with green chilies, whole, crushed, stewed, puree, even tomato sauce. We now have all of those in our pantry. Most canned tomatoes remain good up to two years. We have some expired varieties that only remain in the pantry to remind me that we already have that kind of canned tomatoes!

Verbal requests can be lost in translation. When the wife says to her husband that she needs some “flour” if he wants her to bake him his favorite cookies, do not be surprised when he presents her with some “flowers” that he proudly purchased on sale. Yes, that has happened. That makes sense to a man. Pro Quid Pro.

My wife switched to the written lists, both paper and text. I often missed she wanted “two” of the items. So, like Santa, I always make my own list and check it twice. Somehow, I keep returning home “Naughty” not “Nice”.

She thought it wise to number the items on the list. I interpreted the numerals as how many she needed of each item, So, I brought home (one) milk, (two) dozen eggs, (three) 10 lb. bags of sugar, and (four) 10 lb. bags of flour. I was out of breath just hauling in the supplies. In my defense, I thought she must be baking lots of cookies.

The “check with me if you don’t understand” system did not work any better. My wife got tired of answering the phone every five seconds.

Now she just sends me to the store with pictures and crayon instructions.

Many women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men actually do thinking. And just for informational purposes to any newlyweds out there, “What were you thinking?” is a woman’s rhetorical question. Do not answer! You will only prove her point.

Apparently, a man needs a woman’s voice to tell him which direction to drive. Thanks Siri. I like to make different turns just to frustrate her. I’m a macho, macho man! Siri is a relentless woman!

A woman desires to discuss the problem, preferably, several times. A man just wants to fix the problem once he gets part of the facts. He might even interrupt the monologue of her concerns with a solution. What idiot would do that? I bet you know at least one.

Let me provide some clarification pointers to the women in the audience. Why the women? The men are not listening. Here is a major part of the problem as this one man sees it.

Women expect men to listen like, well…other women. But men don’t. Why? Why don’t men listen? God made us that way. The loss of a man’s listening ability is directly connected to the rib he lost.

My thoughts on that are somewhat shaped by one of the most classic romantic movie quotes by Tom Cruise to Renee Zellweger in Jerry Maguire, “You complete me.”

The duo also copied Adam’s classic comment used to stop Eve’s heartfelt monologue, “You had me at Hello.”

Whether it is “complete me” love or the “hello” kind, I admire all the wonderful women out there who have stayed by your man during the bad times…even if it is just to remind him that none of the bad stuff would have happened if he had listened.

God made man to be completed by a good woman. Not changed, just completed.

That is why I need My Girl. She has made me a better man. Still very flawed, but better.

I guess I should say something somewhat spiritual.

Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger...If any man is in Christ, he is a new creation (#1 Textbook)

That is our only hope for changing a man. God has to do it.

Be thankful for a God-changed man. Be patient and hopeful. He is not yet perfect, but he is learning how to love you first and most. Complete him. Without a word, show him how.

OK, thank you for listening…or not listening.

I am thankful God has a sense of humor.

I encourage you to keep laughing together. I hope that never changes.

I hear the chorus of women out there whispering through their Renee Zellweger tears:

“I LOVE HIM FOR THE MAN HE WANTS TO BE, AND I LOVE HIM FOR THE MAN HE ALMOST IS.”

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: The views and expressions in this article are solely the opinion of just one man. He answers to the name, “Idiot!” These comments do not necessarily reflect the views of all idiots. Other men should not be held liable for the author’s sentiments.

The names, characters, places, events, and examples are fictitious or should have been. Any similarity to anyone you or the author might know is purely coincidental.

This information is not intended as professional advice, except for this counsel: Please continue to pray for God to change your “idiot” while you continue to love him for the man he almost is.