THE MISSING RIB

WINSDAY WISDOM 307

To all the Bored and the Beautiful, Early Edition:

This is my tribute to Presidents’ Day and all the men ever created who could have been President except for a vital missing link.

George Washington lost his teeth and his love for cherry trees.

Abraham Lincoln lost elections early in life and later lost his love for the arts.

Adam lost a rib and his home in Paradise.

God took a rib from Adam to create a beautiful companion who rocked his private world with love and conversation.

Is that why most men love ribs so much?

When men think about ribs, it usually pertains to food style preference. The main four BBQ kings are Kansas City, Texas, Carolina, and Memphis.

Each region features its own unique combination of seasonings, sauces, types of meat, and signature dishes.

Dry-rubbed. Smoked. Sauces. Primary popular sauces start with a tomato, vinegar, mustard, or mayonnaise base mixed with some secret blend of ingredients.

Different kinds of pits and fire sources of charcoal and flavored wood provide the necessary long, slow heat. Baby-back, Pork, and Beef make up the rib choices. Add the Chicken and Sausages. Brisket and Burnt ends!

Mouthwatering delicious.

But what really happened to Adam’s rib?

Why did man lose a rib and part of himself as originally created?

I might not be able to safely say, but I think I can correctly say, theologically speaking, it was because of a woman.

Theologically speaking.

That sounds impressive. Theo-logy is the study of God, His Name, Nature, and Ways. The only source is God’s Word which is God’s self-revelation. Hearing, reading, understanding, and obeying God’s Word is the only way to know God.

God first revealed Himself to us as the Creator of all things (Genesis 1).

On the sixth day of creation, God created the first man from the dust of the ground and made him a living-being created in the image of God (Genesis 2:7).

God literally breathed life into the man and gave him a soul. The body design inside and out is amazing and still being studied for its magnificent and intricate workings (Psalm 139).  

God taught the first man everything. Everything was perfect, but not complete. Then God caused Adam to realize there was no created being like him. He was alone, without a companion. Paradise enjoyment necessitated a companion to share the joy and love.

The perfect man needed a helper (Genesis 2:18).

What happened next? Comedian Rodney Dangerfield says he got the story straight from Adam’s account.

After God created Adam, Adam came to God and said, “You created all the animals and each one has a mate, but I’m alone. Can you create me one also?”

God replied, “Well Adam, I can create a mate for you. It will be the crown of my creation, someone who will serve you, and your every need and desire. The most beautiful and loving creature. She will take care of you always. She will give you all the respect that you deserve.”

“The only thing is, it will cost you an arm and a leg.”

Adam thought for a second and said, “What do you get for a rib?”

No wonder Dangerfield made a career saying, “I just never get any respect!”

What really happened when God provided Adam a companion?

GOD ALREADY HAD A PLAN BEFORE MAN REALIZED HE HAD A PROBLEM.

THAT IS A LESSON FOR ALL OF US TO LEARN WELL.

God already has a plan to turn your problems into greater good. Always. Even the problems you face now and the ones you will face in your tomorrows.

Do not worry or fear. Trust God.

For this writing, the focus is more on HOW God created the woman, not the WHY (Genesis 2:21-22).

God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep. God operated on the man and took out a rib which God used to form a woman. Now, God could have made the woman out of dirt or dung, but she was always designed to be better than that. God could have made her out of stardust or moonlight, but she was designed to look good in nature’s light.

God created woman out of a man’s rib so she would remember she is a significant companion made from the same source and substance (Genesis 2:23).

When Adam initially saw Eve, he said those famous words, ’Wow! You complete me!”

I imagine Eve’s first words were, “Do you love me?”

Adam responded, “Of course, Babe. I said, Wow!”

Adam continued, “There is no one else in this world but you.” God told him to stop talking.

It was then that Eve understood she needed to do the talking for both, which led to her second saying, “You had me at Hello.”

Then she followed up with, “I’ve Got You Under My Skin.”

(All of that is written between the lines of Genesis 2:23-25.)

The #1 Textbook is filled with important truths recorded from those unwritten words first spoken by God to Adam and Eve.

*Imitate God and walk in love just as God loved us (Ephesians 5:1-2).

*Love God and love others (Mark 12:30).

*Love First and Love Most (Ephesians 1:3-4 & in between the lines of every verse from Genesis to Revelation).

God gave man a worthy companion to help him learn and practice those love lines.

It was not too long before Eve questioned why Adam could not read between the lines the way she could. Adam used his lost rib as an excuse.

Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got
Till it’s gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot –(Joni Mitchell, Big Yellow Taxi)

Since that creative moment in Paradise, the missing male rib has become more noted for dilemma than delicious.

Man started to mess up. Missteps, mistakes, and misgivings are now part of every man’s makeup.

What happened?

Is the lost rib the missing link to all major male deficiencies? Is the same rib the cause of increased frustration levels in all women, especially married women?

Men can drive a woman mad, even when she is the backseat driver with Siri as her non-stop ally. We need an answer for man’s mess-ups which drive women to plead temporary insanity as the excuse for their emotional responses.

I wish to confirm what medicine has suspected for generations.

There is a reason for a guy’s shortcomings. One does not have to read between the lines to understand the faux pas attached to a man and woman who “paved Paradise and put up a parking lot.”

Faux pas–an embarrassing or tactless act or remark in a social setting.

Man is a walking, talking faux pas to his assigned companion.

This is not about Love Languages or Women are from Venus and Men are from Bars.

Marriage therapists counsel with unproven theories. Astrophysicists search the universe for conclusive answers. Pharmaceuticals treat the symptoms without addressing the cause.

Comedians make us laugh about it. Mothers-in-law make us angry about it. Social media does more harm and causes greater chaos.

Here is the final answer in one simple, yet profound, statement.

The cause of a man’s faux pas and many frustrating shortcomings is THE MISSING RIB.

Who knew that one rib was so important? God did. And God made woman.

When God took the rib from Adam and gave life to woman, all subsequent males were created in similar fashion.

In medical terms, men and women have the same number of ribs, twenty-four ribs separated into twelve pairs. They can be easily counted although kids and women seem to be more ticklish.

Rib bones can regenerate and mend themselves. They can even be used for bone grafts in other parts of the body.

However, in practical terms, the divine surgical operation appears to have resulted in man’s permanent loss of other mental and emotional functions.

There is a consequence for a missing rib which shows up in varied degrees of each male. Man lost more than just one rib.

When God took way the rib:

1. Man lost the ability to read minds. Women now possess exclusivity in that area.
2. Man lost the possibility to have a good reason for his actions. When a woman asks a man, “Why?” she already knows there is no reason.
3. Man lost any capacity to engage in a meaningful conversation. That should not be a shock to any woman.
4. Man lost the capability to communicate, listen. and remember. That is why God doubly blessed the opposite sex.
5. Man lost the skill to drive without needing directions spoken in a woman’s voice. Women have always dominated communication skills. Siri is a Norwegian word meaning “a beautiful woman who leads you to victory.” The American dialect is more closely affiliated with “Are you kidding me, sir? You are an Idiot!”
6. Man lost the potential to think for himself or make any wise independent decisions. One does not have to read between the lines for affirmation.
7. Man lost the ability to alter his tone of voice before it comes out of his mouth the first time. If he could only think before talking, but, alas, that too went away with the rib.

And we wonder why the McRib never lasts on the fast food menu.

That makes me wonder. Was Eve the first McWoman?

Obviously, the lost rib does not prevent man from thoughts of wonder and sarcasm! I offer myself as proof.

What about the missing rib?

Do you think God might have slow smoked the rib overnight before creating Eve? Adam thought she was lip-smacking good.

For the record, man never had heartburn until after marriage. To be fair, the woman never had a headache until she shared the spare rib.

Adam never had to hear about all the other guys Eve could have married and she never had to hear about his mother’s cooking. They never had problems with meddling in-laws or books on how to raise children.

I also wonder about when Eve got jealous. Did she count Adam’s ribs while he was asleep?

And just for the record, a dry rub does not work on a woman.

I think that is why she prefers the salad. One rib was too much.

Except for missing a rib and millions of votes, I might have been President.

Thankfully, God made someone extremely beautiful, wise, and loving with my missing rib.

Now, if someone would just explain to her how to lower her expectations!