WINSDAY WISDOM REWIND
I showed up at church looking like an albino werewolf. I frightened the children and amused their parents. What happened? I was the finished product of another Great Stuff handyman fiasco.
Did I read the directions first? No!
I admire and appreciate men and women who can fix things. Their skill, ingenuity, patience, and perseverance fascinate me. However, I am most definitely not a handyman. Although that hope remains high on my wife’s prayer requests, my fix-it competence never improves. I try. I fail. I get frustrated. I reluctantly try again, just with a worse attitude.
Handymen find my ineptness to be entertaining. Any thirty-minute easy assembly ends up as a several hours project with some part missing or broken. If it is possible to repair something to work worse than it did or construct something backwards, then I am the guy to call.
I once assembled a swing-set in the freezing temperature of a Christmas Eve, only to get to the final piece and discover that last piece was intended to go in first. So, I had to disassemble the entire undertaking and redo what I had done wrong.
Redo what I did wrong. I wear it like a badge. I plead with my wife to place on my tombstone, “He meant well.” She always reminds me that women know they should first read the instructions; men do not; at least her man does not.
Much like the children’s book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, we all have really bad days. I admit handyman failures do not really qualify for the “bad day” top ten. However, they frustrate me to ever-increasing levels of high anxiety. I understand how ridiculous that sounds to any real handyman and to every woman.
My one shining moment was planned to be sealing the ventilation leaks in our aging windows. My handyman friend told me it was a simple fix, something even I could do. Why do real handymen say that?
He told me to go to Lowe’s and get some Great Stuff. It comes in a bright, shiny, red can whose contents form a durable, airtight, and water-resistant bond which eliminates unwanted airflow. It literally can seal anything.
Great Stuff. I can testify to its effectiveness against gaps and cracks, but it does not “fix” everything. There is nothing that can fix “stupid.”
I used the special award-winning Quick Stop straw dispenser to generously spray the insulating foam sealant around each window. If a little does good, then a lot does better. Every handyman needs his own philosophy.
Well, a gentle tap on the spray trigger and the contents rushed out like Niagara Falls at flood stage. I quickly rubbed it in to tighten the seal.
Wait! Stop! I did not know Great Stuff expands once it is placed on the surface!
Without warning, my windows and bricks were covered in an avalanche of this volcanic flowing cream-colored foam, like a scene out of The Blob movie. The ever-growing, oozing substance devoured and dissolved everything in its path. Suddenly, I was aghast with visions of Great Stuff foam covering my house, yard, and neighborhood. When would it stop?
I panicked. I had to clean up the mess before anyone else might see my latest handyman blunder.
I could identify with my granddaughter that time she reluctantly confided to her mother that she and her sister sneaked into the pantry and ate the Nutella, “I was praying you would not find out and that God would just forgive me.”
Flustered and frightened, I began the cover-up. “Oh, God, help me, before anyone sees this.” I hurriedly wiped it off with my hand. It would not come off my hand, so I rubbed the growing gunk with my other hand. As I pried them apart, the crazy goo covered both hands.
I scrambled for the paper towels, Bounty, the quicker picker upper. I stubbornly stuck to my tried and true, handyman philosophy. When in doubt, use more.
The Great Stuff stuck to my hands and my hands stuck to the paper towels. I admit being impressed with the quicker picker-upper attribute which performed as advertised. However, the entire roll became stuck somewhere. My hands. The windows. The bricks. The patio. The grass. There was a paper towel stuck to the dog.
Now what? Water! Rinse it all off with water. I rushed to the backyard faucet to wash away all my problems with lots of water. I never switch philosophies in the middle of a project. More water! That did not work! White gunk stuck to my water hose as the situation worsened.
As a toddler, I had a backseat view of my dad’s concern over the sudden appearance of a police car in the rearview mirror. Dad simply muttered, “Uh oh,” which caused my mother to fear the possibility of a speeding ticket or jailtime.
As I watched the speeding pursuit car with its flashing lights quickly close the distance between the vehicles, I yelled an update on the situation, “Uh Oh, worser, dad!” As Dad pulled over to the side of the interstate, he replied, “Yep, uh-oh worser!” That reaction developed into a classic family saying regarding many future problems.
My Great Stuff episode had reached “Uh Oh, worser” status.
I had anticipated something really bad, but I underestimated.
As the excessive residual solidified, I racked my brain for plausible explanations to my wife of how this happened. A cement truck backed into our house. The Blob escaped the Arctic. The evening news warned of a new dangerous strain of albino mold.
I picked up the bright red can and looked at the instructions, just so I could give an affirmative answer to my wife’s first question, “Did you read the directions?”
The directions clearly stated, “This product expands quickly. Start with a small amount. Keep off hands and face.” (I am 0 for three at this point in the game).
“Oh, somewhere in this favored land, the sun is shining bright. The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light. And somewhere angels are laughing as heavenly handymen shout. But there is no joy in Mudville—Mighty Casey has struck out.” (Apologies to Thayer.)
I continued to read the directions. “Do not use water” (0 for four). “Let product dry before attempting removal” (0 for five).
“If the foam has hardened, there is no solvent that will remove it. It will eventually wear off in time.”
There is no solvent to remove this sticky gunk from my hands or the house or the dog!
However, it will eventually wear off. That was good news if I lived that long.
WARNING to wanna-be handymen everywhere:
*Great Stuff expands terrifyingly and sticks tenaciously to anything, especially skin.
*It does not come off your hands with water because it works as a sealant to repel water.
*It is also an adhesive which glues paper towels to hands.
*Oh, yes, the directions clearly warn that this product is highly flammable. I should be grateful that my attempt to melt off the Great Stuff was unsuccessful due to the ignition failure of the charcoal match lighter (0 for six).
How do you explain to 911 that you blew up your house with Great Stuff? Uh-Oh, worser!
At church the next morning, friends expressed concern over the condition of my hands. Yep, tiny pieces of paper towels remained attached to my sticky fingers. Some kids scrambled to report seeing a werewolf. Adults backed away in fear of contact with leprosy.
Whether spoken with laughter or pity, they all asked if I read the directions before I started the project. What is this world’s obsession with directions? Really?
Directions can be extremely important in this life. Some directions are for guidance to help us navigate toward our destinations, while some directions are instructional information, providing supervision of action or conduct.
Our Creator God provided us a relevant and reliable Textbook filled with both navigational directions and instructional messages. The indispensable, helpful manual sufficiently lights the way for our daily steps toward meaningful purpose and lasting happiness. Likewise, it provides true and trustworthy instructions for us, coaching us how to love God and others for maximum joy in life.
However, most people go through life without reading the instructions. Relationships get messed up. Self-help solutions fail to stop the damage. Something ends up broken or missing. So, everyone tries to hide their messed-up problems from everyone else suffering from the same messed-up problems. How? The other comparison shoppers just post better social media pictures.
What about you? Are you trying to hide a problem? Fix a relationship? Give a false impression? Have things spiraled out of control?
“Did you read the directions?” Did you read the directions? I do not intend that as some accusation or condemnation. I ask because I think it would help any of us to step back from where we struggle in some relationships and think. Am I really following the directions?
God’s divine directions clearly instruct us to walk side by side with God for our greatest good. They also warn if we go through life following our own instincts, the problems will expand exponentially in difficulty and duration.
The Creator’s Great Stuff directions were never intended to be a set of rules or a list of do’s and don’ts. Instead, they describe a relationship of lordship and love which is guaranteed to stop the happiness leaks in our lives.
God authored a Relationship book, an all-time best seller and proven game-changer. Every direction is based on love, with detailed descriptions of how to love God and others as well as how not to do it.
There are even directions for corrections when we did what we were not supposed to do.
From the beginning to the end of Genesis, the first historical book, God demonstrated the glory of His goodness. He proved He can give good to us out of nothing (creation) and orchestrate good for us out of wrong intentions and actions of bad people (story of Joseph).
God promises never to stop loving us…never to forsake us…never to give up on us. He creates and controls everything, even chaos and darkness, for our good so we can have lasting happiness.
“I showed you a new way to live with lasting joy: Love each other. Love others in the same way and just as much as I love you….Love more and more” (#1 Textbook).
How does God love us?
(1) GOD LOVES FIRST. “I loved you before the foundation of this world” (#1 Textbook). I think that loving us before we were created qualifies as first.
(2) GOD LOVES MOST. “It will take unending ages for me to show you the immeasurable goodness of my kindness to you” (#1 Textbook). The promise of immeasurable riches of goodness throughout an infinite eternity confirms that loving most belongs to God alone.
God loves us Before time and Beyond time.
God calls us to love others in the same manner. “We love because He first loved us” (#1 Textbook).
LOVE FIRST. Do not wait for a response from the other person. Initiate love. Establish the tone of the relationship.
LOVE MOST. Loving others should never be limited to a finite number of actions or time. Love shows and grows in countless expressions of ever-increasing kindness. “Because of His everlasting love and kindness to you, practice that same kind of tenderhearted mercy and kindness to others” (#1 Textbook).
Somewhere along life’s journey, we decide that the problem is with the other person. That happens when we try to love without reading the directions. We cannot fix the other person. That just ends up in a bigger mess than paper towels stuck to your fingers.
We need HOPE. I am not a handyman, but I have read the Great Stuff directions. It specializes in HOPE. I have enough HOPE to share with others.
Sometimes, we make a mess of things, even when trying to fix them. Our natural instinct is to hand the directions to the other person and insist they read them. Please stop! No one else can do what I/you need to do, Love First and Love Most.
The Great Stuff directions encourage me to show God’s immeasurable, unending self-giving love to others. Love does not place blame on others and does not hide behind excuses. Love takes the initiative; it closes gaps and repairs cracks in even the most damaged relationships. “Above all, love others deeply” (#1 Textbook).
God’s Great Stuff Playbook can stop marriage leaks and fix broken relationships. It has repaired many ‘Uh, Oh, worser’ situations. Whatever circumstance you are in, God’s instructions will make it better.
Just take a moment to step back and get a divine perspective on your relationships.
Whatever you choose to do with your life, follow the directions in the #1 Textbook. Live for something that lasts forever.
Love first. Love most.
HAVE YOU READ THE DIRECTIONS? IT IS GREAT STUFF.
LOVE FIRST...LOVE MOST 