Transcript excerpts are from interview by Motivation in Motion regarding encouragement to retired coaches to “Show Up!” to continue using their platform of influence to mentor coaches and student-athletes.
QUESTION: How did you get started in mentoring young men?
REX: After college graduation, I worked on the staff of a U.S. Senator and then went to law school before the Lord called me into the ministry. I was a youth minister and then a pastor for over 30 years.
During that time, I became a state and national speaker for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes and coached some youth basketball teams. As I looked back on my life, the Lord seemed to always connect me to young men whom I tried to point them to follow Jesus Christ and become a part of their lives as a mentor.
As a pastor, God just sent young men and even groups of young men into my life where I was able to have some small degree of influence in their walk with the Lord. As I prayed for God to continue to use me, the Lord opened new opportunities in Tulsa to be around coaches and young athletes.
QUESTION: What was it like being around your brother, Bill?
REX: Bill is the best coach there is, not just on the playing field but off the field with what he does with his coaches, what he does with his players, how he uses his platform of influence, plus the character he has. I am a big fan.
QUESTION: We intend to use these interviews with retired coaches, so do you have a story about a coach that just pops in your mind where you were able to see some kind of transformation and see Christ work?
REX: Well, it was my dad. Growing up as a young boy in a coach’s family, there would be a knock on our door. An African-American man would stand there with his young teenage son and say, “I want to introduce you to the man who changed my life. This is why you have something in this life and will never go through the tough times I experienced growing up,”
People would call on the phone just to “thank Coach” for impacting their lives. We would see and hear the evidence of Dad’s influence in people’s lives which greatly impacted me as a young kid.
There was a story where my dad had to take away the senior letter jacket from the team captain because the captain had publicly broken some team rules and embarrassed the school. Having to make that decision of discipline broke my dad’s heart. The young man went on to become the town drunk for many years with his name appearing monthly in the local paper for being arrested for public intoxication or assault and battery.
One Sunday, a phone call interrupted our family dinner. This guy called my dad to say, “Coach, I found Jesus and He has changed my life. I wanted you to be the first to know. Thanks for showing me God’s love.”
The next phone call made by my dad was to the school superintendent to order a letter jacket for his former captain.
Those are the kind of impacts I saw and how someone can make such an influence in the lives of other people.
QUESTION: Can you give us some insight as to what your ministry looks like when you work with these coaches and players? What do you do?
REX: I am allowed to have a weekly Bible study with the entire coaching staff. I am at every practice with the coaches and the players.
So, I do what Jesus told us to do. I watch and pray. I am not allowed to do actual coaching on the field, so I watch and listen to what is going on in the lives of the coaches and players.
I am watching for attitude as much as actions, looking for those little openings of a teaching moment to touch their lives. Then, I will follow that up with a text to say, “I am praying for you” or “I know this has been a tough time in your life.”
I want to help shape some kind of spiritual foundation for these coaches who impact so many lives every year. They have the opportunity to make a significant impact year after year.
I try to help them in their own marriage, their own spiritual walk, their own wisdom for life. To learn how to coach not just X’s and O’s, but how to reach the players’ hearts. They are going to use their platform of influence one way or the other; so, let us try to help them point young men and women to what is the most important thing in life.
I continuously say to the coaches what I say to the players. Remember what Jesus told us was the most important thing in life. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. Then love your teammate, brother, or neighbor as yourself.”
I use illustrative motions to help remind the players about the most important thing in life and how they can teach it to others.
Love (draw a heart with your finger) the Lord your God (point upward) with all your heart (point to your heart), with all your soul (point to your mouth where your breath of the real you comes out), with all your mind (point to your brain), and all your strength (make a muscle with your right arm), and love your brother as yourself (make a muscle with your left arm and then pull both arms together to your chest).
Coaches are like players. They are like we are. How does God coach us? God is always saying, “Remember. Remember the most important thing in life.”
Remember your focus. Remember your purpose. Remember you have a pattern.
What does the Bible tell us to do. “We are to be imitators of God and walk in love just as Christ loved us.”
How does Jesus love us? Jesus always loves first and always loves most.
So, that is how you love players as a coach. You love them first. You love them most.
That is where I start every day of practice. A fist bump, a high-five, or a hug followed by, “I love you.” To every player. “I love you.”
Over time, I have seen that culture throughout the team as they respond, “I love you, too, coach” and sometimes they beat me to the I love you or take it up a notch with, “I love you more.”
I try to teach that this is how you should interact with your team. Teammates should love one another and say it. Someday, these young men will become a husband and a dad. You need to tell your family that you love them. Love them first and love them most. To love them no matter what.
QUESTION: Why aren’t more schools and programs doing this? Why aren’t these huge campuses finding more people like you to place alongside their coaches who have such great influence on so many lives?
REX: I am not really sure. I am where I am because Bill thought it was important, The AD and the school allowed me to be around the team. Since this interview will be heard by retired coaches, I would encourage them to find a team where you can watch and pray. Find some school or some program. You do not need to have some official position. You do not have to coach X’s and O’s.
You were created to be a coach so do not quit. Get back out there. Find some coach you can mentor. Find some young people you can high-five or put your arm around. Watch the player and his attitude. Pray for them. They do not have to hear your prayers. God does.
Every kid you see, from the richest to the poorest, has emotional needs. They have difficulties. They need spiritual guidance. Look for teachable moments. They need someone to put an arm around them, someone who says, “I care about you. I am praying for you, I love you.” Then send a text to remind them they are in your heart and prayers.
Retired coaches and teachers can do that, and it will make them feel good. It will make them feel as if they are part of the team. I do. I love it.
QUESTION: As you know, Bill and John O’Dell are going around the state encouraging retired coaches to use their leadership and values, to plug themselves into a place to change lives and a campus.
REX: I am so glad they are doing that. Those guys need it for themselves because that is who they are. That is what they know. Every former coach out there still knows how to coach. It is not about the wins and losses. It is not about other things.
God called you to be a coach. You have not lost that calling on your life. You might not have a team right now or the opportunity but look for one through meeting a coach at church or just showing up to some practice.
The thing I would most like to say to a former coach is, “SHOW UP!” Just show up and make yourself available. Show up to watch and pray. When someone asks why you are there, just say you came to pray for God to bless them.
These retired coaches have too much wisdom to just close it all up in a box and hide it away. Coaches do not just impact their own families. They are a father figure to so many young men, even for those who have good fathers.
Many of our players call me Uncle Rex. I tell them we are family and will be for the rest of their lives. We want to encourage these retired coaches and teachers who are on the second lap of life to look for a place to share your platform of influence.
QUESTION: What prepared you for working with coaches and sports teams?
REX: God raised me up in a coach’s home. I played sports. I have mentored young men in spiritual training and a preacher school. For me, ministry and coaching are the best of the two worlds. Being a pastor has some similarities to coaching. You prepare for a big game day each week. You have supporters and you have critics every week. And you know you must immediately gear up for the next week and be better.
To be around the players and coaches each week who will impact so many lives in the future, to be able to teach them each week to remember the most important thing in life and sports and the necessity to press on to the goal. I love the opportunity to support the overall structure and culture of the athletic program. Some are young and have not had the training to be a godly husband, dad, or coach. I also encourage the player to become a godly son and good role model for younger kids.
I try to teach and remind others just as Paul did in 2 Timothy. In Paul’s last letter, he writes to Timothy almost like a retired coach would pass along important and helpful truths to a younger coach. Here are the important things in life. Learn them. Practice them. Mature so you can teach and impact other young coaches.
It is not mainly the preaching about the most important thing in life, it is the practice of it! Live out loving first and loving most. Let others see God’s love in action. We all have opportunities to do that.
Other coaches and these young players see how you interact with your wife. They notice how you treat your children. And for these retired coaches, let them see how you interact with your grandchildren. Bring a grandchild with you and stand on the sidelines. Show up! Others will notice.
QUESTION: How do you handle a situation where you might see a coach messing up with his language or relationships? How do you love them and help them to grow through that?
REX: I do not correct coaches publicly on the field. I try to use the individual and staff teaching times to address issues common to all of us. I try to use the language, not the bad language, I hear the coaches use to teach their players.
I like to take their keywords and use that to communicate how God coaches us. For example, Bill emphasizes the importance for the team to play hard, play smart, play tough. The team that does that the best will win. Other phrases our coaches use are “Eyes Up” or “Stay focused.
I emphasize the vital importance of knowing the #1 Playbook, God’s Word. It is of greater value than the offensive or defensive playbook. It is the wisdom for life. The coaches instruct the player to learn the playbook to maximize playing time. In the same way, God teaches that you cannot coach others without knowing the coach’s main playbook.
How does God coach us? He uses His playbook to teach us what to do and what not to do. His playbook corrects us when we did what we were not supposed to do and then it trains and equips us so we are prepared for what we will face in the future.
God uses illustrations from the Bible. We watch and learn from the life of Joseph or David or Job. How do the coaches want their players to react to teaching and correction? How do the coaches react to God teaching and correcting them?
God does not just jump all over us. There is a place and time for a coach to be intense, competitive, and passionate, but exercise self-control when you are yelling at a player who cannot control himself. Be a positive example of a better way to listen and learn.
Coaching players in any sport is similar to how God coaches us about life. The main issues are (1) Alignment and (2) Assignment. Our right alignment must always be Side-by-Side with God, Stay close to Him. Then we line up side-by-side with our teammates. That is where you start. Your assignment is important, but it is negated if you do not line up correctly.
So here is my life in simple sports’ terminology. My alignment is to be side-by-side with God and my brother. My assignment is to love first and love most.
How do I do that as a husband, dad, or coach with someone who is struggling because he thinks he has been treated unfairly or his hopes and dreams just got crushed by injury? I go back to the admonition to imitate our Heavenly Father.
Walk in that same love. Watch His unfailing love for you. No matter what, God never loves you less. Take note of God’s forgiving love. No matter what, God still forgives.
For most of us, the forgiveness of others is the missing piece of our life’s puzzle that resembles the life and love of Jesus. For all of us, including coaches, there might be a time where you were fired or wrongly passed over for a promotion or unfairly criticized. That hurts.
To love first and love most, you have to go back and forgive that person. I cannot do that. That is why I need God inside of me to do what I do not have the power to do.
Jesus lives inside of you to lead you to others He intends to love through you.
That person or group of players in front of you is where you start to love first and love most, to show them the love of Christ.
QUESTION: What other pearls of wisdom would you like for players and coaches to know?
REX: It is foundational in my life and my family that: (1) You always do your best. Always. (2) You never quit. Never. Never. (3) You seize the opportunity given to you.
You do not and cannot control the circumstances. You do have control over your Attitude and your Effort in all circumstances. The same thing is true spiritually. Attitude and Effort matter. You can always do your best, never quit, seize your opportunity, and do all that with maximum effort and greater joy.
Why? Because that is who we follow. We follow Jesus who went to the cross. It looked as if He lost, but He never quit. It took the greatest strength, the greatest love, the greatest passion, and the greatest joy this world has ever seen for Jesus to hang on that cross without quitting. He ran the race all the way to the finish line.
And what did Jesus yell? “It is finished. The victory has been won.”
Now Jesus calls us to follow Him and run all the way to the finish line. There is no promise you will win every game, get every promotion, or gain a higher salary. If you were called to coach, then coach!
God always knows where you are, where you need to be, how and when to get you there. So, stay happy and faithful where you are right now. We tend to make excuses that if we were in another place or had a different position, we would do better.
Live in the present. God has you where you are right now for the purpose of loving the people you are around right now.
Follow Jesus. He just showed up to watch and pray. Then He showed us how to love God and others first and most.
Show up! Love someone first and love them most!
LOVE FIRST...LOVE MOST 