REWIND WINSDAY WISDOM for your July 4th entertainment.
SOMETIMES IT IS HARD TO LOVE.
You know exactly who that person is in your life. Maybe several names spring to mind.
You might even be on vacation with them. OUCH! Or watching Fireworks with them, both real and emotional. The climatic finish intended to be spectacular can end up in major disappointment.
Why is this “love first and love most” thing so hard? Why do others just have a knack for ruining your day? Mine started at the Jersey Mike’s sub-shop.
I really desire to be a person who Loves First and Loves Most. I want to do better. I want to be better. I want to Love first and most before I have ignored or blown the initial opportunity.
In fact, our July 4th celebration reminds me that I am FREE to love first and love most.
That commitment was greatly challenged when I went to Jersey Mike’s for some sub sandwiches. I have a regular order, but there was a different guy behind the counter. The place was not too busy; I was ahead of the lunch crowd.
I was greeted with a smile, “How’s it going?”
“I’m good, how are you?”
“Can’t complain. What you havin’?”
“I would like two mini sandwiches on white bread. I want a #3 (ham) with no cheese and a #8 (club).”
For those unfamiliar with this sub shop, they freshly slice the meats and cheese in front of you, place the cut slices on the bread, then return the large meat back into the refrigerated case before starting another order.
The young butcher did his part and then slid the meat and bread down the counter for another attendant to dress it with condiments. The customer can choose to have the savory sandwich “Mike’s Way” or with whatever vegetables and condiments he/she prefers.
I looked at the two sandwiches as the “veggie” attendant asked me what I wanted on them. One was ham with cheese and the other was turkey with cheese.
I said, “Sir, excuse me. That is not what I wanted. I do not want any cheese on the ham.”
I intended to say, “Just take off the cheese.” Before I could finish my sentence or stop his reaction, the sandwich maker tossed the ham and cheese into the trash. He quickly made me another sandwich and slid the two meat-covered mini breads to the other attendant at the condiment section.
I stared at the two sandwiches. The new mini sub looked like turkey, not ham. Now I had turkey on both sandwiches. I remarked, “Excuse me, sir. That’s not correct.”
The butcher never looked up as he countered with, “That’s a #3 and #8, just like you ordered.”
I replied, “That looks like two turkey sandwiches. One with cheese and one without cheese, but I am kinda sure they both look like turkey.”
Yep, I was definitely staring at two turkey sandwiches and possibly one turkey server. He stared at the sandwiches and then glared at me. “So, you don’t want two turkey sandwiches?”
My server tossed one mini turkey into the trash as I interrupted, “It’s ok if you just add ham to the one with turkey and cheese.”
He was visually agitated but quickly fixed another ham with cheese and shoved it down the line. We were now back to the way he started my order. One ham with cheese and one turkey with cheese.
“There you go.” Now he started with the next person’s large order. The next few minutes would produce a growing line of customers in a hurry to grab some lunch.
“Sir, I just want a #3 with no cheese and a #8. Please.”
His response, “Don’t confuse me with the numbers. Just make up your mind and tell me what you want.”
Let the Fireworks begin!
For the record, at Jersey Mike’s, the #3 is a ham sandwich and the #8 is a club sandwich with ham, turkey, and cheese. The original Jersey Mike’s opened in New Jersey in 1956. It began franchises in 1987. I am fairly certain that the #3 and #8 on the menu have not changed over the last thirty-five years.
I spoke slowly and respectfully. The #1 Textbook says it is good to be “long-fused.”
“I would like a ham with no cheese and another sandwich with ham, turkey, and cheese.”
“Ham and no cheese?”
“Right.”
He set me up with a ham with cheese and a pastrami with no cheese. No kidding. The meat-cutter was busy piling up four sandwiches for the next order.
What do I do? Do I just walk out? Do I make a scene? Do I just pay for the sandwiches and chalk it up to a wrong order? Or do I follow my instincts and light up the entire firecracker package?
I kept shifting my weight back and forth from left foot to right foot. My mind was in whisper mode. Love First. Love Most. It’s a two-step dance. Lean with your weight shifted to the left foot and say to yourself, “Love First.” Lean right and say, “Love Most.” Repeat as necessary.
Now, I have to admit that I also thought of another place to put my foot or a well-placed bottle-rocket.
While I danced and deliberated, the guy looked up at me with frustration and asked, “What’s wrong now?”
“That one sandwich looks like pastrami.”
“Yep, that’s what you ordered. You said you wanted a Number Three.”
I thought I was right on this one, but his insistence rattled my confidence. I looked up at the big menu board. Number Three still read “Ham.” Maybe I could fix the misunderstanding.
“Keep the ham and cheese. Could you just add some turkey to it? That will work. And then, fix another ham but with no cheese. That would be perfect.”
He angrily threw both sandwiches into the trash. We wasted enough food to feed a good part of China.
He asked the next two customers what they wanted to order. Thankfully, they did not order a Number Three. Then he stared at me. “What do you want?”
Yes, I felt the missile go right by my ear. He was aiming for the heart.
“I would like a ham without cheese. Just ham. Nothing else. Then I want another sandwich with turkey, ham, and cheese. It really does not matter if it has cheese or not.”
He countered with a cherry bomb explosion, “That is what I fixed you. One ham and one turkey. That’s what you said.”
I faked a laugh. “I see where you could have thought that I ordered a ham sandwich and a turkey sandwich. I should have been clearer with my order.”
Please note that I was saying something extremely different than what I was thinking. Apparently, my lighter was not working properly.
I repeated my request and added a “Thank you.”
The line of customers began to look as if we were at a Fireworks stand having a sale.
People were getting impatient and angry. Those are usually the kind of sparks that blow up any celebratory function. Some grumbled. One couple walked out in disgust.
The sandwich maker was angry…angrier! As he threw more food into the trash, a co-worker walked by and said to him, “Are you alright?”
His loud reply, “No, this guy cannot make up his mind what sandwich he wants. He keeps changing his order.”
Yep, he shot off the loud mortar shell. The big bang got everyone’s attention.
Now the awakened counter crowd is muttering and whispering. One older man yells out, “Let’s get this line moving. People are in a hurry.”
Another waiting customer entertained us with his Roman candles’ take on the situation. “I could have gone home and showered and still been back in time to get my sandwich.”
Ha. Ha. Really?
A young couple was the newest addition to the end of the waiting line. A lady turned and offered her loud condolences. “They are usually very fast here, but this one guy is holding up everyone. He keeps changing his order.”
Are you serious? Thank you, Karen. Thank you for your delicate discretion of your inflammable showstopper. Would you like to paint a bullseye on my back and pass out bottle rockets to everyone?
The wild mob was growing in numbers and impatience. I am staring at two more wrong sandwiches. You have to be kidding me! Is this Candid Camera or an episode from What Would You Do?
WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Exactly. Me too. That person is too hard to love first and most.
The little voice inside of me wanted to scream at everyone in the store. “I just want a ham sandwich without cheese and a club sandwich. Please hold the criticism. Please hold the sarcasm. Please hold the anger.”
There were several more things I thought about saying. I even considered dropping the “Fireworks F-bomb.” My version of the “F- bomb” is “Forget it.” My uncle’s version was, “Kiss foot.”
The cat did not get my tongue, but, thankfully, the Lord stopped the words in my mind from making their way to my mouth.
I will spare you and the other customers the rest of the details. The fiasco got worse. The guy was having a bad day. Something was a little fried and it was not my ham sandwich.
The guy made me eight different versions of my order. That’s right. Eight. Seven were completely wrong and the eighth was partly correct.
I walked away muttering, “Thank you.” Some in the crowded line broke out into applause.
I am not trying to make you think I am some kind of saint. I thought of many things to say to embarrass the guy or cause him to get fired. I thought of several things I could do to make a scene and show how unhappy I was with the service. I even resisted the urge to storm out.
Most of you are probably thinking exactly what the impatient, hungry customers in the lengthy line were thinking. Just go, Mister. Either take the sandwich or leave. We don’t care.
I paid the cashier. Then I took the sandwiches and left. With no condiments. No Mike’s Way. Just some mini bread, meat, and one piece of cheese. I was too afraid to ask for a bag of chips. The trash bin was already overflowing.
The Fireworks show was over.
You know how that feels. You leave the scene with unforgettable memories that burn your hide. You dwell on all the things you wish you had said or done. Your thoughts are filled with that hard to love person.
How do you love first and most in a situation like that? How do you love a guy having a bad day? How do you love him when he is making your day worse? How do you love the upset bystanders first and most? What about the angry wise cracker? How do you love her first and most?
HOW DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE WHO IS HARD TO LOVE?
I hope you have the answer. It was a dilemma for me. A real pickle. Or as my trusted colleague, Jeff Segner, so often stated about my situation, “It’s a real conundrum.”
Conundrum: a confusing or difficult question. It is a puzzling problem, a paradox of conflicting resolutions which might even be impossible to solve.
What about you? What if you want to become more of a Love First and Love Most person?
Well, it is not easy. Sometimes, it is even hard. Sometimes, it appears impossible. Why?
Because people are difficult to love.
And that is what others are saying about me!
I can tell you where to find one sandwich maker who thinks I am the most difficult person he has ever encountered. And I was trying to be nice!
Do you remember the challenge from the Rocky movie where the Russian-USA friction was set in the scenario of an inconceivable and irrecoverable nuclear fireworks display? I do.
“If I can change, and you can change, then we all can change.” Play the dramatic music.
Love First and Love Most resonates like a good exhortation for any Tip Toe Through the Tulips or Kum-ba-Yah kind of person. It sounds so noble, so kind, so spiritual.
If you are going to try that two-step dance with people during these times, then you will have to be tough. Not mean. Not hard-hearted.
TOUGH. DETERMINED. NOT EASILY PROVOKED AND NOT EASILY STOPPED.
YOU WILL BE TESTED. You will be challenged. You will be questioned.
You will need a very long fuse. God’s store is the only place where they are available. The good news is that they are free and fully stocked.
Loving yourself can be very difficult. Wait until other people are involved! It might be easier to jump over the moon.
As I contemplated the sub shop scenario, I wanted to write that there are times when we cannot love first and most. Times when people are too difficult. Times when circumstances are too tense. Personalities that are too hard to crack with a love first gesture.
THAT IS SIMPLY NOT TRUE.
I was thinking of some people in certain circumstances that are just impossible to love first and most.
THAT IS SIMPLY NOT TRUE. Can you handle the truth?
THERE ARE PEOPLE WE ARE NOT PREPARED TO LOVE FIRST AND MOST.
There are people who make us too frustrated to keep on trying. There are people who cause us to give up because loving them first and most is hard. Very hard.
I would make a Baptist bet that you have written off someone who is difficult. They have crossed you or cursed you. They have disappointed you more than eight times. They are just hard to love.
My Winsday Wisdom for this week is “Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.”
If I can somehow get out of Jersey Mike’s with eight different variations of my simple order without a blowup or blowout, then there is hope. Even if everything did not go perfectly on the inside, there was progress.
I was aware of the goal. I did not lose sight of the goal. I did not give up on the goal.
Progress. Not Perfection, but Progress.
I just realized this is much more difficult than learning to do a two-step dance. It goes perfectly when dancing with the Lord. However, there are a lot of stumbles when you engage another person.
The #1 Textbook has it all there in its easy to understand instructions. Be imitators of God. Use a tracing tablet. Walk in love just as Christ loved us. Follow His example.
Wow! That’s the ticket. The Lord dances with me. Sometimes I start out on the wrong foot. Sometimes I dance on the wrong foot. Sometimes I put the wrong foot in my mouth. I mess up over and over. Much more than eight times.
How does the Lord keep love-dancing with me? He never gives up.
He never embarrasses me. In fact, He covers up my missteps. He never ridicules me. He is longsuffering beyond immeasurable. He never tells me to forget it. He patiently encourages me to try again.
I stumble and fall. I complain and criticize. The Lord’s steadfast love picks me up. Over and over again.
Loving me first and most is no easy endeavor. Somehow, it is a joyful undertaking for our Lord. His forgiveness and patience exceed my miscues. His “long-fused” love outlasts my bad days and bad attitudes.
Imitate Him. Get out the tracing tablet. Never give up.
The Lord lives in me to lead me to others He intends to love through me. Put the lesson on repeat.
Did the Lord lead me to Jersey Mike’s so I would encounter a guy having a bad day? So bad that he could not get a Number Three order right?
MAYBE THE LOVE FIRST AND LOVE MOST TEST WAS NOT ABOUT THAT GUY AT THE JERSEY MIKE’S FIREWORKS STAND. MAYBE IT WAS ABOUT ME.
Maybe the Lord was reminding me that I don’t always fulfill His requests correctly.
Maybe the Lord intended to push me out of my comfort zone to teach me that I could love someone as difficult as myself. Maybe the sub sandwich fiasco was about teaching me that loving first and most can be hard; but it can still be joyful.
I did not get the right sandwich order this week, but I practiced the two-step dance in a hard place. It was not really that hard. It was kinda comical.
The right response to “Hard Love” is to “Love Hard.”
How do you “Love Hard“?
Love first and most BEFORE you mess up or miss the opportunity.
Pray for me and I will pray for you as we walk in love. We are FREE to Love First and Love Most.
Be prepared for “That Hard Person to Love,” especially if you run into me.
I might order a Number Three…without cheese.
LOVE FIRST...LOVE MOST 