LOVE FIRST…LOVE MOST

Session 15

“I don’t like you.” Those were the first words spoken by the young man about my age who approached me after I had finished speaking. “I think you are arrogant and stuck up. I have always been jealous of you; but I am not sure why.” Then he tapped his Bible against my chest as he continued, “You have made my life miserable.”

I was caught off guard because I did not know who he was. My first thought was that he might be an angelic messenger sent by God. I was fairly sure this confrontation was not Candid Camera or You’ve been Punked. Apparently, he thought it was To Tell the Truth.

I said I was sorry and then asked who he was. He said his name was Mike and we had attended different high schools. We had never met or talked or played sports against each other. I did not know his family or his girlfriend. I had never had any business dealing with him. There was nothing that I had said or done to hurt him. There was nothing I could say or do to change his opinion. He just wanted me to know how miserable I had made his life.  

“Dude! If you would take some time to get to know me, you might really hate me.”

I asked him to forgive me. He told me to take it up with God.

Do you think that revelation made either one of us happy?

Hey Mike, if you are reading this, please forgive me.

Do you have someone who does not like you? Maybe they hate you or have hurt you? Have they become an enemy by choice…theirs, yours, or mutual?

Can you ever forgive them? Will you forgive them? How? When? Why?

This is Part 2 of Let Them Eat Cake. Let’s start with a quick review of Part 1.

Marie Antoinette, the teen Queen of France married to King Louie XIV, is credited with the quote, “Let them eat cake.” Her insensitive reply to the plight of the peasants’ starvation enraged enemies who resented the royalty’s aristocratic extravagance.

The Queen became the scapegoat for the French Revolution. Sentenced for treason, she got the guillotine, not forgiveness.

Cold hatred. It usually ends up with execution of the enemy either physically or emotionally. Either way, the relationship is over. The only matter left to be determined is the cost of the severance.

I was the pastor at a new church where most of the people considered me their enemy. The Cake Wars began with an incident where chocolate fudge cake was squeezed into my hand. The guillotine was on the horizon.

God thought this was the perfect place and people to teach me how to better practice what I preached.

Preach it Brother. “But God, being rich in mercy because of His great love with which He loved us while we were enemies, still dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ…for the purpose of taking the rest of eternity to showcase the immeasurable riches of His goodness to us” (#1 Textbook).

God loved us first and most with extraordinary forgiveness and extravagant goodness.

Practice it Brother: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you…Forgive others in the same manner God has forgiven you” (#1 Textbook).

Forgiveness is a divine act. God lives in us to lead us to others He intends to forgive through us.

Part 1 ended with the #1 Textbook’s emphasis of five primary descriptions of forgiveness:

1. Take away everything divisive.

2. Cover every offense out of sight and out of mind.

3. Blot out all evidence or record of wrong.

4. Scatter all bitterness as far as east is from west, never to return.

5. Bury the problem in the depths of the sea to sink like a heavy boulder, never to float to the top.

Love forgives first and love forgives most. It eliminates the offense from the recycle setting in one’s mind and it releases the offender from any and all retribution. Clean record. No grudges. No bitterness. Forgiveness treats the enemy as if they never hurt or hated you, even when they still do.

What? That’s impossible! Why would we want to let the other person off the hook without the hate of revenge and the hurt of retribution?

LOVE FORGIVES FIRST before the enemy ever says he or she is sorry, even if they say they are NOT sorry. Love is the first to set aside every difference and all divisions.

LOVE FORGIVES MOST by being unilateral, all-inclusive, undeserved, unconditional, and unlimited in its scope. Forgiveness is Free. Full. Forever.

(Part 2) Why forgive? How do we forgive? What does forgiveness accomplish?

Why forgive? None of us likes to forgive. We prefer to rehearse the harm done to us rather than release it to God through forgiveness. We fail to see the self-inflicted damage caused by our unforgiveness.

None of us is perfect. We all need forgiveness. We all need to give forgiveness for there to be peace and harmony with others, and to soften our own hearts.

Most problems in life deal with the issue of forgiveness, some from the personal guilt of needing forgiveness, but primarily from blaming others we refuse to forgive.

We forgive others because it is the right thing to do. Who says? God does. It is repeated many times in the #1 Textbook.

God’s Word teaches us that when a tree falls, it cannot be undone. If it falls to the south, it fell to the south. If the tree falls to the north, it fell to the north. The Bible is not giving a lesson about falling trees or a lecture on forestry. This is an illustration about life. Once the tree falls, there is no profit in questioning what if it fell in a different direction.

When something happens in your life outside of your control, there is no benefit to you or to anyone else to complain and moan and grieve over what might have been. There is no advantage to spending your thoughts on what if a certain thing had not happened the way it did. If the cut tree has fallen, it is down. It can never be put back in place the way it was or the way you would want it to be.

There are two options in your response to where the tree fell. You can get angry about it, but it will never change what happened. Or you can forgive and figure out how to make the best of an undesired situation. A response of unforgiveness can do more damage than where “the unforgiven tree” fell.

The #1 Textbook never discounts the hurt in a life’s story; it just highlights the theme of forgiveness in every chapter. Forgiveness is not an acknowledgment that what the other person said or did was “ok.” Neither does forgiveness make the other person instantaneously “likeable.” That person might never become your BFF.

Forgiveness frees the other person from our resentment and revenge. More importantly, it frees us from the control of an unforgiving heart.

Every day and in almost every way, forgiveness is the last hurdle for loving others. “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely ideal until they have something to forgive.” (C. S. Lewis)

An act of social media rage can unleash a torrential flood-like response of anger and hate. Rehearse and Curse. Rebuttals. Grievances. Suspicions. Rants. Name calling. Block. Distance. Revenge. Vendetta. War. Enemies forever.

We all embrace the tendency to build dividing walls of hostility for those we choose to dislike or disagree. “The line between good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.” (Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn)

Forgiveness is the litmus test of love, the missing piece of the puzzle in most relationships. Construction of a jigsaw puzzle with pieces missing can be extremely frustrating. The process is enormously difficult, if not impossible. Like working a jigsaw puzzle, forgiveness is a process. The sooner you start, the better the result.

The power to forgive others comes directly from God’s love for you. We are to forgive others in the same manner and for the same reason God has forgiven us and continues to forgive us—to sense the greatness and goodness of His love.

How do we do it? Be the FIRST to trash the negative attitude and feelings. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malicious hatred” (#1 Textbook).

Then, love MOST by inserting the positive actions into the relationship. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as God forgave you for Christ’s sake” (#1 Textbook).

“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” (C.S. Lewis)

Our purpose in life is to live and love like Jesus. The dance movements of loving an enemy are sometimes easy and sometimes hard.

Easy because dancing with an enemy has the same purpose and same direction with the same steps. Love First. Love Most.

Easy because God gives you the power to love and forgive.

Hard because the dance takes place on a battlefield.

Hard because uncooperative partners are more difficult.

Forgiveness of enemies is extremely challenging, but not impossible, because God lives in you to love your enemy through you.

The love movement needed first and most is forgiveness, the hardest part of the love dance.

Real enemies force love to go to higher and harder levels. Our enemies start on our permanent “never forgive” list, which also contains the secret codes for an emotional nuclear launch. Enemies, inside and outside the home, throw hurtful and hateful words around like hand grenades. Their actions hit the heart with the destructive force of a cruise missile.

We want the enemy to know how badly he or she has hurt us. Hey! The whole world needs to know. So, we carry around our burden of bitterness toward them as if it were chained to our soul. Some keep enemies on a watch list of unforgiveable persons, like the man who proudly showed me his “get-even” black book.

I once counseled a married couple going through a rough stretch. Their assignment was to list some specific things that upset them about the relationship. In our next meeting, the husband pulled a card out of his pocket and quickly read the three things that needed to change. Then the wife opened her yellow papered notebook with five pages of numbered notes. Hurt might be relevant in pain, but each hurt is always real.

“Love keeps no record of wrongs…Love always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (#1 Textbook).

It is time to trash your “get-even” book. It is time to give your “hurt list” to God and nail it to the cross where all offenses are forgiven. Free up your mind and heart.

Be kind. Tenderhearted. Forgiving. “Be imitators of God and walk in love…give up yourself as a sacrifice for others in the same manner Jesus Christ gave Himself up in love for you” (#1 Textbook).

Be more sympathetic and more supportive.

Do not debate, judge, or condemn. Arguments do not change people; the power of transformation is in a kind word of loving forgiveness.

Reminder: Love forgives First. Love forgives Most. Forgiveness is free, full, and forever.

What does forgiveness accomplish?

Forgiveness might not change the other person’s behavior, but it will free your heart and your happiness. It pours out the love of Christ on someone who needs it.

Unforgiveness of enemies always hurts you the most. “Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die” (Joanna Weaver).

Bitterness poisons our pain. It is never an antidote to the hurt; it only increases the damage. It cripples you emotionally. It negatively affects every other relationship.

Anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness are roadblocks to joy. Those imprisoned emotions only shrink the heart and chain life to the past. If you are bitter, admit it to God. He already knows. Ask God to heal the memories and ease the pain of the past.

Upon release from twenty-seven years of incarceration during the racial civil war in South Africa, Nelson Mandela spoke a much-needed reminder to each of us. “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

The Dance of Love is not complete without loving our enemies. Do not allow some wall or prison to be your excuse. Bridges of love are far better than the dividing walls of enmity.

NOT GOING TO SUGARCOAT THIS: FORGIVENESS IS ALWAYS UNDESERVED. FORGIVENESS IS ALWAYS UNLIMITED, SO DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW MANY TIMES YOU MUST FORGIVE (#1 Textbook).

TO OVERLOOK, LOOK PAST, OR SET ASIDE THE HURTS DONE TO YOU BY OTHERS IS NOT EASY. TO LOVE AN ENEMY WITHOUT RESENTMENT, REVENGE, OR REPAYMENT WILL ALWAYS BE HARD, HUMBLING, AND COSTLY TO YOU.

However, the worth of lasting happiness far outweighs the cost.

You never show God’s love more than when you forgive the one who hurt you.

Love your enemies first and most. Forgiveness is a process. You probably need to get started. Forgive someone today. Begin with the hardest one to forgive. That person who hurt you deeply might be part of your family. Forgive them.

How do we forgive first and most?

Get a bigger heart. (next session)

SESSION 14

I stood in the corner alone as the short, elderly lady walked toward me with a piece of cake. This was a celebration party, but I was neither the one celebrating or being celebrated. I was hated.

Hated. Not like in the cultural world of social media where dislike buttons connect with spiteful memes or hurtful tweets. Not like closer to home where an angry child yells his disapproval of a parental decision. Not like a movie review or a political rant or a protest slogan or a pandemic reaction.

Hated. Like the Arab Muslims and Jews. Like the Ukranians and Russians. Like the Hatfields and the McCoys. Like the Packers and Bears. Like Will Smith and Chris Rock. Like social media on steroids in a politically charged pandemic.

As the woman in the pink dress slowly strolled across the fellowship hall, our eyes met. Anxiety and anticipation had a domino effect which worsened and intensified as most of the crowd turned to watch this latest episode of Cake Wars. Why would she so graciously offer the elephant in the room a piece of cake?

She stopped in front of me, reached for my elbow, extended my arm, and opened my hand. Then she smiled as she placed the chocolate fudge cake inside my palm and closed my hand around it.

Was this act strategically planned or a spontaneous improvisation? Was it a reprisal of her portrayal of the Wicked Witch of the West? Apparently, she enjoyed her role and so did the audience. As the cake squished through my fingers, she patted me on the shoulder and asked if I liked cake.

Something happened in that moment which defied normalcy. With a slight wave from my dry hand and a nod of acknowledgment to the concerned onlookers, I whispered to the cake lady, “Thank you. I guess I needed that.”

She huffed and returned to the laughter of her proud crowd of onlookers who pressed her for encore reenactments of my stunned reaction.

I turned for the back door, dropped the cake into the trash can, found a paper towel, and exited the room. I passed the stunned faces of my secretary and her husband who expressed their remorse for the incident. Elvis has left the building!

Fortunately, I did not make the situation worse with some angry remark or stupid reaction. It was even a greater blessing that my wife left for home earlier in the day to be with my parents, in town for a celebration with my favorite birthday cake. I remembered my wife’s instructions not to eat cake at the church event, but no restrictions were in place regarding wearing cake on my hands and clothes.

I resolved not to tell my wife or parents about the earlier events of the evening for fear my dad and my wife would be at the lady’s door waiting for her arrival. It would not have been a pretty sight.

Let them eat cake! The phrase is often attributed to Marie Antoinette, the last Queen of France before its Revolution. When she received the report that the impoverished people were starving because of lack of bread, her callous cold-hearted comment was, “Let them eat cake!”

The peasants reply to the out-of-touch, aristocratic royalty was, “Off with their heads!”

Can you envision the two sides facing off in a stadium setting in a battle of competing slogans? Let them eat Cake! Off with their heads! Let them eat cake! Off with their heads!

I guess the Queen ate cake before she was carted off to the guillotine.

Presently, the flippant expression, “Let them eat cake!” is used to deny concern for someone’s problems, similar to saying, “I don’t care about what happens to those people.”

Let them eat cake! That is what I wanted to say that night, but the potential cake-eaters would not have understood the context. Besides, I had plenty of easily understandable words running through my mind. Thankfully, the Lord controlled my tongue!

I was four months into a new pastorate in a different state. The church had been without a pastor for over two years. The transition to my tenure did not go well. The complaint box was filled to overflowing. The gripe and grumble waiting line to the office extended out into the hall.

The very first day on the job included a visit from a woman I did not know. She delivered a handwritten list of five disappointments in my leadership, my one-day leadership. If she had just waited to get to know me, she could have filled a notebook.

Just for the record, how much does someone have to hate to say something before they actually do not say it? When people cannot say something kind, it would be nice if they had the decency to be vague.

I am far from perfect and possess remaining tendencies to run in the wrong direction. However, I had been very happy and blessed with loving and supportive parishioners in my previous pastoral ministries. At least, they were never mean to me or my family.

There were many kind and wonderful people in this new church, future lifelong friends. Their big hearts overflowed with love for God and my family. While they loved, others hated. The “cake incident” was only the tip of the iceberg. The early months played out in new physical, emotional, and spiritual territory for us. It was the House of Horrors.

The boring short version of the lowlights included people in positions of influence angrily leaving the church. One week, several leaders taught Bible study at 9:30 and then crossed town to join another church at 11:00. A petition was circulated to fire me. It quickly collected enough signatures to carry the majority in the next business meeting vote. Disgruntled choir members loudly mocked me in song behind my back during the worship music. “Look how holy he is. He doesn’t even need a hymnal to sing the words. I heard he will be fired.”

Anonymous hate letters included various fonts and four-lettered words. The local chapter of the KKK felt the need to send their greetings. There was a handful of late-night calls with death threats to my wife and children. No kidding. No exaggeration.

From my perspective, the problem was deeply rooted in my desire for the church to express love for others in an inclusive manner regardless of racial, social, or cultural differences. I underestimated the history behind those challenges.

From the perspective of the disgruntled, the cause centered on dislike of my leadership and the grievances became innumerable. I was not what they were used to in the past and not what they wanted for the future. I understood that. Unfortunately, longtime friendships were hurt by the divisiveness. My heart ached over that. Two years prior to my pastorate, I told the search committee I thought the church was divided. My arrival just burst the blister.

“All conflict is caused by unmet or unrealistic expectations” (#1 Textbook).

Sometimes we do not give love a chance. Sometimes we do not give enough effort to understand the other person. Sometimes our hurt becomes hate. Lies, accusations, and rumors swept through the membership list like a wildfire.

There were days my life felt like the statue for the pigeons at the county courthouse.

A woman screamed at me in WalMart that I ruined her life (cleanup on aisle three). One man literally tried to run me over at the supermarket with a shopping cart and loudly bragged to his wife that he almost took care of the problem (cleanup on aisle eight).

Another man chose the church parking lot to yell his expletive version of “Off with your head!” (cleanup in the parking lot). None of that was as frightening as the bullet that crashed through our patio glass door near where my toddler son was playing. (I think they were shooting at the dog).

One Sunday as I stood in the pulpit to teach God’s Word, more than half of the congregation rose to their feet in a mass protest exodus. The city paper even notified me of their plans to publish an expose on why so many people were leaving our church. I suggested it might be for the same reason people choose Burger King over McDonalds. Preference.

There you have it in a nutshell. Why is all this a session in Winsday Wisdom? Fair question since I made a similar inquiry of God.

I sat in my upstairs office alone, dismayed, and unhappy. There was a pity party going on, just no cake. I stared at the ceiling. I buried my head into my hands. My cries were muffled.

Then I looked out the window and shouted out to no one there, which seemed to be the same number as whoever might care, “Why is this happening to me? Why? Why?”

God was there and God cared. His words were audible to my heart. This time His voice sounded like my lawyer friend in a closing argument to a befuddled jury.

“You told Me you wanted to be more like Jesus. Well, Jesus loved His enemies, so I gave you some real enemies. These people hate you; so, learn to love them.”

That was my late for the plane at the airport moment. I had forgotten the most important thing in life. Love God and Love Others.

I was running in circles chasing the wind in the wrong direction, spiritually disoriented. I messed up the steps to the dance, Love First, Love Most. I failed to pay attention to the directions in my #1 Textbook.

LOVE YOUR ENEMIES, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you (#1 Textbook).

As I sat in my study bemoaning my misfortune inflicted by the hatred of enemies, I needed to be reminded of the most important thing in life. We love God by loving others, especially enemies.

It is an amazing thing when you pay attention to your purpose in life. It affects mood and motivation. It sharpens focus and strengthens faith.

This I call to mind (pay attention) and therefore I have hope (#1 Textbook).

From that moment on, my attitude changed; so did my actions. God was alive in me to lead me to these real enemies so He could love them through me. God was with me and for me. I had not lost; I was about to win. I just needed to learn from the #1 Textbook how to dance with an enemy.

How do we learn to include our enemies in the circle of love? Follow the Lead Dancer. How does God love us first and most? “God showed His great love for us while we were still enemies, when Christ died on the cross to bring us side by side with God” (#1 Textbook).

Jesus came from God’s heavenly family to earth to make enemies into friends, to be treated as perfect dance partners. Since we are naturally enemies in a perpetual misstep, that necessitates forgiveness, which is the hardest, but greatest, demonstration of God’s love.

How do we love our enemies first and most? It starts with forgiveness with that same kind of attitude and action. All forgiveness comes from the heart of God, which should cascade through us to others.

God lives in us to lead us to others He intends to forgive through us. “Forgive others in the same manner God has forgiven you” (#1 Textbook).

What is forgiveness, why do we need it, how do we do it, and what does it accomplish?

Our #1 textbook emphasizes five primary descriptive terms of forgiveness:

1. Take away everything divisive.

2. Cover every offense out of sight and out of mind.

3. Blot out all evidence or record of wrong.

4. Scatter all bitterness as far as east is from west, never to return.

5. Bury the problem in the depths of the sea to sink like a heavy boulder, never to float to the top.

Love forgives first and forgives most. It eliminates the offense from the recycle setting in one’s mind and it releases the offender from any and all retribution. Clean record. No grudges. No bitterness.

Forgiveness treats enemies as if they never hurt you or hated you, even when they still do.

What? That’s impossible!

Why would we want to let the other person off the hook without the hate of revenge and the hurt of retribution? We don’t. God does!

LOVE FORGIVES FIRST before the enemy ever says he or she is sorry, even if they say they are NOT sorry. Love is the first to set aside every difference and all divisions.

LOVE FORGIVES MOST by being unilateral, all-inclusive, undeserved, unconditional, and unlimited in its scope. Forgiveness is Free. Full. Forever.

Love forgives first. Love forgives most.

As I sat in my office somewhat stunned but also thrilled, I was thankful to be reminded to hold onto the most important thing in life before boarding that final flight to Heaven.

At some point in life, every one of us will be given the opportunity to love those who have offended us. They might criticize, gossip, slander. Those who hurt us might even hate us. At their worst, they are potential dance partners.

Love your enemies. Debate less. Judge even less. Condemn never.

Do not hate or hurt others; do not shut them down or shut them out.

Be less offensive and the least offended.

Forgive first. Forgive most. You will be healthier and happier.

For the record, I was blessed to pastor another twenty-three years at the “Cake Church.”

They have big hearts! It is part of their spiritual DNA. They are our Family. They continue to teach us how to Love First and Love Most.

Love an enemy. Do good to someone who hates you.                                         

Bless someone who has talked badly to you or about you.

Pray for someone who mistreated you.

Forgive someone today.

Celebrate with Cake!

Why do we need to forgive, how do we do it, and what does it accomplish?

(next session) 

                                                                       

Do you ever feel as if your life has become like a soap opera drama? Have you ever despaired that you made such a mess of life that no one could ever love you again? Do you know someone who has crossed that line?

Sometimes, we look at others’ soap opera lives and think they are beyond hope, maybe even beyond loveable. I imagine that you know people who seem hopeless for change. Perhaps, you have given great love and effort to help them; but now you are mentally drained and emotionally exhausted. Maybe you have already given up on them.  

The man in this session’s story was well acquainted with the drama and conflict of a messed-up life. In fact, in the soap opera world, he would be a mega star.

I was engaged in some physical rehab, working up a sweat on the gym’s elliptical. I watched the TV monitors, one on the news and the other on a soap opera. Apparently, someone was boycotting ESPN. The closed captioning carried the scripts below the picture.

I noticed this was the same soap opera which owned my grandmother’s unfailing devotion for years. She would do anything for you except during that one hour of the day. All the grandkids were under strict orders not to disturb her As the World Turns.

I do not know exactly why they call them soap operas, because they are not about soap or operas. Supposedly, the descriptive term emerged from radio dramas supported by soap manufacturer’s advertising. I still do not get it. Soap and operas have endings, but soap operas just tend to go endlessly on and on. Each story ends with a cliffhanger intended to keep the audience hooked with previews of future melodrama.

Soap operas are full of drama and conflict, problems which are never resolved. The tangled interpersonal troubles only move around town and spread to other characters, like some dreaded, uncontrolled pandemic. Reality shows are similarly scripted, just worse.

The storyline follows the characters’ physical or relational troubles and their greater emotional dramas. They fight with their family or competitors. They break promises and ruin lives, until they find “real” love, as opposed to the previous forty-two episodes of romantic experiments.

During television Sweeps Week, they get married, then return to their cycle of lies and betrayal and manipulation until love is lost. More drama ensues. Melodrama. Mega-drama. Trials, troubles, and tragedy are on repetitive cycles. What goes around comes around and goes back around as they Search for Tomorrow.

Several years ago, I wrote a script with a melodramatic plot intent on resolving the problems of every character in The Soap Opera to End All Soap Operas.

As the World Turns…All My Children… including The Young and the Restless, The Bold and the Beautiful, and the Blue Bloods of our Modern Family gather in our Full House where we discover This is Us has One Life to Live.

The Real Housewives, along with Grandmother Madea’s Family Reunion and cousins, Betty…Roseanne…Seinfeld…and Eddie, who is Not Smarter than a Fifth Grader, are All in the Family.

This is Us spends the Days of our Lives in a Family Feud at The Office or Parks and Recreation, on a Search for Tomorrow. They are listening for The Voice of that Masked Singer, while looking for the next American Idol.

Along the way to Nashville, Big Brother from Beverly Hills 90210 quits his job as Top Chef to play the Game of Thrones. He gets an Extreme Makeover as The Bachelor in The Real World…for 24 hours.

While Dancing with the Stars and their Friends at Melrose Place in Dallas, he stumbles along The Edge of Night without a Guiding Light. He falls with a Big Bang and gets Knots Landing on The Crown of his head. The accident broke The Weakest Link of his Grey’s Anatomy, which left him looking like Two-and-a-Half Men.

Hindsight would have been 20/20 According to Jim, but we had only 60 Minutes for CSI: Miami to rush to the scene with NCIS to meet Chicago Fire, P.D., and Med. 

Boston Legal took the case before Judge Judy at Night Court seeking Law and Order in Twenty-five Words or Less. The ruling was Deal or No Deal. One Jeopardy question remained: What Would You Do?  Call 9-1-1.

That sets off an Amazing Race to the ER at General Hospital where The Resident and The Good Doctor are no longer at New Amsterdam or in Private Practice. They have been fired by The Apprentice.

The Intern and Nurses diagnosed This is Us has been infected with a strange, rare disease called March Madness…a terminal Date Line…a Cold Case.

The Netflix binge series finale reveals the Wheel of Fortune prognosis of no Survivor. Everyone is sent to The Twilight Zone, St. Elsewhere, or Another World. There will be no Trading Places…The End. 

Most people live soap opera lives, no different from Erica Kane, except for her fancy clothes and makeup. None of us can find satisfaction in this world apart from God. God made life that way. For all of us, life is crooked, broken, or missing something. We cannot fix it or figure it out. We need God to find lasting happiness.

God’s Love has power to transform people—both the one loving and the one being loved. History records the stories of people whose lives were filled with melodrama of biblical proportions. Characters like Legion, the Samaritan woman at the well, the woman caught in adultery, and the Old Testament Joseph were soap opera stars changed by God’s love.

Legion lost everything that mattered in life. He destroyed his family, shipwrecked his career, and blew up his friendships. His slippery slope story became a nightmare. He was a physical monster, an emotional wreck, and a social outcast.

The plot development was saturated with drama inside and outside. Frightened people practiced social distancing from his personal pandemic. He was Sleepless in Graveyards and Hopeless in Seattle or any other place on the planet.

Legion’s life was stranger than fiction. The stories about him were a bigtime ratings-grabber. He was a mean, mad man, like a scary monster in the movies, only the tales were real.

Others saw him as beyond all hope. Jesus brought His disciples to love this scary man who was no longer loved or loving. That encounter transformed Legion’s heart, soul, and mind.

God’s love gives hope to soap opera lives. Many lonely people go through life like Legion, dwelling in the graveyards of greed, gripes, and grumbling. They are among the Walking Dead who fight with family members, wrestle with addictions, and star in social struggles.

They feel desperately alone, alienated, afraid, and ashamed. They hurt and they hate. Self-destructive bitterness and self-inflicted misery know them well.

Legion was the poster child of a soap opera world without God, without help, and without hope. He was driven by the unrest that was in his soul, running in never-ending circles of nothing but misery. Socially alienated, spiritually unfit, culturally unacceptable.

It was humanly impossible to love him. He was the most hated soap opera victim/villain of all time. 

Jesus searched him out and that was the teaching point for the first disciples and anyone else following Jesus. There is no one beyond the help and hope of love. The Living Lord lives in us to lead us to those He intends to love through us.

Legion is one example of so many hopeless causes transformed by someone’s action to love first and love most. Transformed by love, Legion went home packing the most important thing in life, loving God and loving others.

In another example, a woman of ill-repute showed up at the Samaritan well in Search of more than just Tomorrow. Her soap opera role lasted many years, featuring five husbands and her present scandalous relationship. This soap opera diva’s shameful past and social status were prime news for tabloid gossip. She was the Whore of Sychar. Her daily trips to the well revealed a thirst for more than water or relational stability. She hunted for lasting happiness.

Jesus showed her love which transcended physical and emotional bonds. The living water of His love gave her life value, joy, and purpose. The transformed lady discovered the most important thing in life, love for God and others. She impacted her city for good.

The third character in the soap opera highlights was the victim of the self-righteous hypocrites on social media who shamed and terrorized an adulterous woman. Instead of being the scarlet letter star of this drama, she was about to be stoned. Not with a little marijuana, but with huge rocks.

This soap opera diva was trapped, humiliated, mocked, bullied, and judged guilty. The shaming mob surrounded her with threats of condemnation and punishment. Jesus stepped inside the circle of the self-righteous crowd and openly declared to the woman at the center of their hatred, “I do not condemn you.”

How do we love first and most in a soap opera world? Jesus showed us the way.

Transforming love always starts the relationship with no condemnation. Jesus invited the woman into a new circle overflowing with love and forgiveness. Love turned her life in a new direction, carrying the most important thing in life.

“Lovingkindness leads to character change” (#1 Textbook).

Any Biblical list of favorite soap opera stars would rank Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat near the top. His story had a long run in several countries.

Joseph grew up in a large family, most remembered for their highly dysfunctional conflicts with life and death consequences. The dad, who grew up unloved by his father, was an immoral thief and habitual liar who tricked his father and brother out of a fortune. Later, he cheated his future father-in-law out of girls and gold. Joseph’s dad was a con artist well versed in deceit, hatred, rivalry, and betrayal. Happy Father’s Day!                                                                                                                                     

The father had two wives with multiple children, all featured in their soap opera drama problems of jealousy, theft, and murder. One mother’s death during the birth of her youngest boy resulted in more family sadness, envy, and distrust.

The negative impact of growing up among that household might appear insurmountable.

Joseph, the favored son, lived on the Edge of Danger. He was abused, mistreated, bullied, and shunned by his older brothers. The Days of Their Lives centered around bad relationships and crime, not Good Times or Law and Order. A sister was raped, some brothers executed revengeful murder, and everyone became greedy, consummate liars just like dear old dad.                                                                                      

Joseph marched to a different beat. His love for God and others became a light in the family’s World of Darkness. Innocent Joseph survived a Sopranos-like murder attempt by his brothers. Abandoned and left to die, he survived again to be sold into slavery simply because The Price was Right. A captive in a foreign country, Joseph would be separated from his family for many years.

In his new Homeland, the Survivor Joseph engaged in manual labor and low-level jobs. He worked in the home of the rich and powerful; but when he refused an illicit advance by the lady of the house, her false accusations caused him to spend many years in and out of prison.

Replay the soap opera. Brothers’ betrayal…Family separation…Human trafficking…Horror of slavery…False accusation of sexual abuse…Wrongly imprisoned…Bad circumstances became worse circumstances.

Joseph was hated, lied about, forgotten, and left with no chance for freedom. No help and no hope–except for God’s plan.

God always knows where you are, where you need to be, how to get you there, and when to get you there.

Joseph stayed faithful and happy where God placed him. In jail, he cleaned cells and toilets while befriending the other prisoners. Even in the dungeon, he did not forget the most important thing in life. He continued to love God and love others.

God was with him, in him, over him, and under him. God moved him to become the top boss in the land, from where Joseph used his platform of influence to help others all over the world.

Joseph forgave and reconciled with his family; then he provided for all their needs. He boldly and assuredly announced what others intended for his hurt, God used for his good and for the good of others.

Through the physical, emotional, and social upheavals of life, Joseph learned to love first and love most. That kind of love changes the ones loved, as well as the one giving love. Joseph gave back love for hurt. He became a man of humility, happiness, and hope. His brothers became loyal friends and better fathers.

These soap opera stories convey an important lesson…the great value of loving one hopeless person. Jesus sends all transformed people back into their soap opera world armed with the most important thing in life, love for God and love for others.

The intriguing spin-off of each story featured the transformed characters as instruments of change in their families and communities. What a way to end a soap opera!

Are you living in a soap opera? Are you the star? The villain? Or just a family member caught up in all the drama? Do you feel as if you are the most messed-up hopeless person on the planet? Or do you live with or around someone who acts hopeless?

What can you do? Live in your hopes, not your fears. No one is hopeless. Our failures do not define us. Our problems do not disqualify us. Our drama does not frighten away the restorative love of God.

WHEN YOU GIVE LOVE, YOU GIVE HOPE! Daily contacts are the best place to start the Dance of Love. Begin at home, school, and work. Start among the people you already know, even if some of those people appear to be beyond all human hope.

WE ARE ALL ROUGH DRAFTS OF THE FINISHED STORY.                       

THANKFULLY, GOD ALWAYS WRITES THE LAST CHAPTER.

Decide to love first and love most. Develop a plan of how that would look in each relationship.  You do not need to take a ten-year or even a ten-week psychological or theological course before you can go home or go to work for the purpose of loving somebody else.

In any circumstance and in any relationship, a definite decision to reset the future purpose is always made from three possible options available:

1. We can give up and quit because things are hard or look hopeless.
2. We can keep things the same and ride out the season of life, just going through the motions while dying on the inside.
3. We can change the relationship for the better.

Give up. Stay the same. Change for the better. What will you do?

Limitless love is always an option on the table to make things better. End the soap opera. Be a difference maker. Stretch your side-by-side love wider, longer, higher, and deeper.

God lives inside of you to lead you to other hopeless persons He intends to love first and love most through you.

How do you stretch your love wider, longer, higher, and deeper?

Love Forgives Your Enemies. (next session)

Our wedding night was stormy, literally. We departed from the church alone, under a tornado warning. All the wedding guests moved to safety while we tried to make it to the nearby hotel. My beautiful bride confided to me she had often prayed that she would be granted at least one day of marriage before she died. Maybe this was the end. I was secretly praying for at least one night.

The new morning skies were clear for take-off and the post-wedding trip was everything we hoped it to be. My princess bride and her knight in shining armor stormed the East Coast like Hurricane Sally.

The travel itinerary began in Washington, D.C. for site-seeing visits of our national monuments highlighted by cherry blossoms and the Smithsonian. Well, that was the plan.

This was a whirlwind celebration. After a couple of days, we caught the shuttle flight to Boston to walk Freedom’s Trail, picnic on the hallowed grounds of the educational elite, and dine amidst the city’s rich and famous. Well, that was the plan. I did introduce her to New England clam chowder and Red Sox baseball.

There was still the coup-de-gras for any newlyweds from Redneck country. A trip to Six Flags. However, this is the place where the story moved from bliss to fear. It was not my wife’s fear of returning to the real world with this stranger she married; it was a greater fear. A deadly fear.

Upon our arrival at the Dallas-Ft. Worth airport, I grabbed our bags and hailed a shuttle taxi. The driver seemed confused and spoke with a heavy foreign accent which confused me. While we waited in the van, the driver went inside the airport where we saw him make a phone call. That seemed strange at the time.

We were the only passengers on this twenty-minute trip to the hotel. My beautiful bride and I held hands and told stories. We acted like newlyweds. Suddenly, the driver turned onto a gravel road, not what one would expect to travel between a major airport hub and a large marquee hotel. It seemed quite odd, so I questioned the driver. His foreign accent sounded like “Shortcake.” Surely, he meant “Shortcut.”

Soon, greater darkness surrounded our taxi traveling the unpaved road. The metropolis lights were hidden from view. “Where are we?” I asked. “Shortstop” was all the stranger shouted in reply. That was not even close to “Shortcut.”

Car lights suddenly appeared behind our vehicle. The trailing car moved closer to ours and never attempted to pass, even on this desolate road. I suspected the car behind us might be the person the driver called from the airport. I have always entertained conspiracy theories.

We both sensed this was very strange, if not dangerous. My wife asked if this might be a trap or robbery. I was thinking the same thing, but I privately feared worse, perhaps physical assault and murder. We were scared. Afterall, she had prayed for at least one day of marriage before exiting this earthly life, and now we were into the second week. This might be it, for both of us.

My wife is drop-dead gorgeous. I have always preferred gorgeous to drop dead. She is kind, caring, a great cheerleader, awesome cook, and brilliant. I would still love her even if she were as stupid as many claimed her to be for marrying me. The most important attribute at this point in the honeymoon saga was her athleticism. She was fast. Amazingly fast. A track star in college.

We held hands and developed a plan for when the taxi stopped. I would attack the driver and she was to run as fast as she could to safety. At least she might have a chance at escape.

These circumstances demanded she star as the Runaway Bride. I urged her to flee like Lot’s wife and not turn back to look for me. If I made it, I would join her at the hotel. If not, she needed to know she made me the happiest guy in the world.

Our escape plan was in place. The next few moments with our strange driver along that gravel road and the car in pursuit were agonizingly frightful. This was a horror movie ending to honeymoon bliss. The cast of The Princess Bride had taken a shortcut down Elm Street to Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

The van began to slow. Our driver turned and so did the car behind us. This was it. Do or Die. I reminded my girl to run fast, faster than her record time in the track trials. She nodded and whispered she loved me. She pledged to always love me, her knight in shining armor, shaking in his boots and about to wet his pants.

I am not the first in my family to shake in his boots. My great-great grandfather fought in the Civil War. For both sides!

However, that is not the most distinctive part of his war record. He spent most of the battle for the soul of our country as a prisoner of war. On both sides!

Our family never knew if:

1. He simply could not make up his mind.
2. He was just really bad at fighting.
3. The Yankees and Confederates thought it was better for their cause for him to fight for the other side.
4. It was safer for both sides if they just kept him locked up.

Apparently, in every significant skirmish, Captain Morrison either surrendered or was captured.

The Civil War chameleon met his demise on the way home from the War when he was bushwhacked just one mile from his house. Apparently, he did not have time to change colors.

This honeymoon danger was my time to change colors. I exchanged the cowardice yellow for a scared stiff, whiter shade of pale. Emboldened by My Lady’s vow of eternal love, I was ready for action. I knew which side I was on. However, that wedding stuff about “til death do us part” arrived much sooner than I anticipated.

As the taxi slowed to a crawl, I had one hand prepared to throw open the taxi door and the other clinched in a fist to knock out the driver. My heart was pounding as I stared into the face of my teary-eyed bride. “Ready? Go fast. Run like the wind!”

Then it happened! Our taxi shuttle turned off the gravel road and entered the backside of the hotel parking lot. The driver took us to the main entrance where our companion chase car stopped right behind us. The driver proudly announced, something that sounded like “Short-circuit!” Whatever English idiom he was using, this trip was intended as a “Shortcut.”

Honeymoon bliss. Murder by night. Six Flags in the morning!

THE LESSON FROM THIS LIFE ILLUSTRATION IS FEAR AND SHORTCUTS ARE ENEMIES TO HONEYMOON BLISS, NOT HELPFUL TOOLS FOR LASTING LOVE.

Fear can cripple love. Shortcuts send confusing signals to the relationship.

Fear, associated with the perception of real or imagined danger, has a paralyzing effect, especially on the dance move to Love First. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the unexpected. Fear of the “what if” the other person does not reciprocate? What if they say this or do that?

Fear comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Some fade, others never materialize. Some fears are big, like monsters and cancer; some fears are little, like terrible two-year-old fit-throwers or intrusive mothers-in-law (not talking about my perfect grandkids or mother-in-law who read this stuff).

The emotion of fear is a common theme of movies and talk shows and politics, from global warming, worldwide terrorism, or the COVID-19 pandemic. Depression, worry, and anxiety are costumed imposters of fear. Frightening thoughts trap our emotions in a prison of isolation.

What caused you to fear last year? What frightens you about this next year and into your future? Sickness? Suffering? Loss? Loneliness? Poverty? Death? Fear of giving love or fear of losing love?

Plato wrote, “Courage is knowing what not to fear.”

Loving first takes courage. It finds strength in the face of challenges. “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear” (#1 Textbook).

Fear and love are motivators of contrasting behaviors. Fear freezes feelings and negates action. Love warms the heart and engages action.

In the real world, everyone except the newlyweds knows honeymoon bliss never lasts. Why? Is it because the couple returns to the real world? Absolutely not! They return to their own self-centered imaginary world of NOT. Like a card game, marriage might only need two hearts and a diamond to begin. By the end, someone asks for a club and a spade.

The real threat to honeymoon bliss in any relationship is one’s own self-centeredness, not the other person. Honeymoon bliss is never dependent on a perfect spouse or perfect circumstances. It requires courage.

LOVE IN YOUR HOPES, NOT YOUR FEARS. LOVE FIRST. LOVE MOST.

Courage to love first conquers fear.                                            

Courage to love most avoids shortcuts.

Love always travels the longsuffering, long-lasting road. The dance to share unlimited and unceasing acts of kindness outlasts any length of distance or amount of time. Love lasts longer than the challenges along the way.

I have taken more than my share of shortcuts in life, especially while driving. I follow my instincts. Usually, I ignore the advice of my wife and Siri.

Why is Siri a woman’s voice? I once was told it is because the directions are always right.

Men and women think differently, even regarding shortcuts. Their rationale is never the same. I am not claiming one is better than the other because I would be wrong.

Women know we men do not ever think before we act. Or at least, that is our reputation. We find directions by instinct and make decisions on impulse. We are hunters, adventurers (the masculine term for “lost”). Men just do what they do. There is a component in the male DNA which compels him to make stupid choices. As the bandit declared in the Blazing Saddles movie, “Badges? We don’t need no stinkin’ badges.”

Women seem to always have a reason for their decisions, usually a particularly good one. Women generally assume men have no reason for their decisions. In fact, it is my opinion when a woman asks her husband, “Why?” there is absolutely no expectation a good reason exists.

For example, my wife might ask why I bought something at the store which was not on the list. Or why I was driving so fast. There is no answer which will convince her I had a good reason for those actions. Why did I go this direction? Do not even speak.

A wife’s “Why?” questions are similar to God’s questions, always intended for contemplation, not information. I repeat. They are rhetorical. No acceptable explanation exists.

Trust me on this one. There are no reasonable shortcuts to loving someone else. It takes time and effort, then more time and greater effort.

Honeymoon bliss is not about perfection, but it is an investment of much time and effort. Just like dieting and marathons, there are no shortcuts in loving most.

The #1 Love Textbook combines the necessary love attributes of humility, gentleness, and longsuffering into the action of forbearance. These characteristics are all Love First, Love Most components.

1. Humility (lowliness) thinks more often of the other person than yourself which is the epitome of unselfishness. It is not thinking less of yourself; but thinking of your spouse most and yourself less often.                         
2. Gentleness (meekness) is controlled strength for the purpose of merciful love. Mercy is never a shortcut.                     
3. Longsuffering is the attitude and action of patience. It suffers long…and longer.                              
4. Together, these ligaments form the forbearance muscle.

Simply stated, forbearance is the supernatural love-infused ability to put up with a whole lot of stuff, or whatever you want to call it. The Achilles’ heel of honeymoon bliss is the absence of forbearance. To love most, one must be able to endure with love under the weight of the burden for the distance of a lifetime.

I repeat for emphasis (and those still in Listening 101), to love most, one must endure under the weight of any and all strain upon the relationship for a lifetime…til death do we part. Love navigates through all the construction hardships, rough roads, and rollercoaster fears and thrills. There can be no shortcuts.

How do we train in longsuffering, long-lasting, and forbearing love?

Our #1 Textbook encourages us to comprehend the incomprehensible concept of LIMITLESS LOVE.

The Greek verb translated, comprehend, means “to lay hold of or seize; to grasp or grip.” It is a wrestling term for getting a strong hold of something, to grip it closely. It is also used as a fighting metaphor to grasp something with determination to never let go.

Some people use Fixodent to get a grip on their dentures. Football wide receivers use substances or specially designed gloves to get a better grip on the ball. A mother or father with a little child in the face of danger, gets a firmer grip on the child’s hand.

The objective of getting a grip is the two become as one. Love sticks two self-centered individuals together. The two become one. Better comprehension of Christ’s love changes and controls us. Our love becomes His love in and through us.

“The Lord’s steadfast (stick-to) love endures forever…so we do not fear” (#1 Textbook).

It is imperative we get a grasp on God’s love for us to live out true love with our spouse. Spend time wrestling with how wide, how long, how high, and how deep God’s love is for you and in you. These infinite dimensions are descriptive of the immensity and vastness and eternality of the love which makes two as one.

Nothing can ever separate us from the grasp of God’s love. Not gender or generational gaps. Not racial or religious differences. Not nationality or social status.

Not health and wealth or the lack thereof. Not critics and complainers or conflicts. Not despair, distress, or difficulties. Not our flaws, falls, and failures. Not even our wrong decisions and actions. No separation, the two have become one.

God’s love has no limits in time past, present, future, or eternal.

There are no limits of love in space, whether inner or outer or far away or extraterrestrial. Not any galaxy or gravitational wave or black hole or anything seen or unseen rippling through the fabric of space-time can limit love. Not any bad person or bad thing or bad circumstance can separate the one loved from the one loving.

God gives you that same desire and power to love others. God’s love is immeasurable and invincible. It extends far beyond any height or any depth or any circumference. It puts up with a lot…forever.

Honeymoon bliss? There is no place for fear or shortcuts. Flush the negative feelings. Trash your self-centeredness. Embrace love with more kindness, more compassion, more forbearance, more forgiveness. Stretch yourself in love to God and others: always wider, always longer, always higher, always deeper.

The Spiral Starecase had only one big hit, but they got it right when they sang:

Every day’s a new day in love with you

With each day comes a new way of loving you…

Oh, I love you more than yesterday

But not as much as tomorrow.

The living Lord of limitless love lives inside of you to lead you to others he intends to love through you. That always starts in the home.

The Dance is a simple two-step: Love first. Love most.

Love First. Love Most, No fear, No shortcuts.

More than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.

My Saturday morning lawn mowing trance was interrupted by my wife’s wildly waving arms. I immediately suspected it was another warning to stay away from the flowers which once were victimized by my inattentive swerve to the left.

I descend from a long line of errant mowers. My grandfather once mowed down my grandmother’s daffodils and tulips. Our family debated over the years whether it was accidental or strategically planned, because he was never asked to mow again. My dad clipped my G.I. Joe and the duct taped water hose, more than once. My lawn mower chopped up an extension cord, dog chain, and Barbie’s gown.

This interruption was not about the flowers. My wife’s news was alarming. Bessie Adams called and needed to talk to her pastor immediately. Something terrible had happened.

She sounded hysterical and the news was not good, every word cloaked in fear and sadness. Her husband and brother-in-law had been kidnapped. She and her sister were safe in the custody of the state police who rescued them at the truck stop, the scene of the crime. I did my best to calm her down so I could understand the magnitude of the tragic events and how I might be of help.

D. K. Adams and Ernest Waldrop were two of the nicest gentlemen I have ever known. They married sisters, Bessie and Lucille, two of the kindest and most generous women in the world. I was blessed to be their pastor for several years when they were all at least eighty-five years young. The couples loved to travel, and their adventures were legendary.

D.K. and Earnest wore hearing aids which played an important role in the dynamics of their marital relationships because both sisters tended to talk incessantly. Everyone in the foursome understood the sound was turned up or down dependent upon the men’s interest in the subject. So, hand gestures and loud repetitions were commonplace to any conversation.

To think anyone might kidnap these easy-going AARP members was almost unthinkable. Bessie sobbed as she shared what she had witnessed. The couples were returning eastward from a Colorado trip, when they pulled into a rest stop near Clayton, New Mexico. When the ladies returned from their restroom break, they saw their car speeding out of the parking lot with their husbands inside. Shock and panic ensued.

This was no joke. The car and the men were gone. The ladies immediately notified the highway patrol of the harrowing abduction. A sheriff interviewed the women to get a detailed description of the missing men and the stolen vehicle. Bessie also gave a detailed description of a suspicious man she had seen earlier in the truck stop. She suspected he was a member of “Al Kinda.”  

The ladies were transported to a local police station to file an official missing persons’ report. When Bessie called me, I promised to pray and be quickly on my way to bring the ladies back home. My mind raced through the various possible scenarios. Would the police set up roadblocks? What if the hostages were held for ransom? What if the men could not hear the kidnapper’s demands?

I hurriedly developed plans to rescue the damsels in distress. As I was leaving town, Bessie called again to share good news. D.K. and Ernest were safe, the law enforcement would unite all of them, and they would drive home that evening.

I thought I could hear the old classic Peaches and Herb song playing in the background, “Reunited and it feels so good.”

Later that night, I received the details of their harrowing escapade. What happened would make a good story… someday. The men were tired from the trip and needed a restroom break. When they pulled into the truck stop area, the women were asleep in the back seat.

The good husbands did not want to disrupt the peaceful solitude; so, they did not disturb their sleeping beauties. Despite the men’s discreet thoughtfulness, the sisters awakened in the parked car and went inside to shop and use the restroom.

Meanwhile, the men quietly returned to the car with the assumption the deficiency of sound was because of their wives’ slumber party, not physical absence. So, the kind and thoughtful men continued their trip home.

The refreshed ladies walked outside to see their car speeding out of the parking lot. Now, D.K. walked slowly but was known to drive fast. However, the ladies suspected a hijacker forcibly commandeered the vehicle and was holding their husbands at gunpoint. They reported the kidnapping and stolen vehicle to the police.

An emergency alert was issued. A multi-state search for the hostages was launched. The odd couple victims were soon discovered at a Dairy Queen forty-five miles away. What happened sounds unbelievable unless you knew the couples and the vital role the hearing-aids played in their marital bliss.

How did this kidnap plot begin? D.K. and Ernest reentered their car at the New Mexico rest stop. They assumed their wives were still asleep in the back seat. So, they drove forty-five miles without hearing a word. Yep! Forty-five miles!

The story gets worse! The men were thirsty, so they stopped at the next town’s Dairy Queen. They went inside and ordered four (FOUR!) cokes. I said they were nice gentlemen. They never asked the wives if they wanted a Coke or at least, they never heard their response.

It was when the men returned to the car with the refreshing soft drinks that they could not find their lifetime companions. First, they assumed the ladies had gone inside to the bathroom. As time passed, they began to search for their wives. Ernest suggested the possibility the wives had been kidnapped!

The mystery began to unravel when the local sheriff spotted the men and the vehicle at the fast-food diner. The Mayberry deputy reported the location and carefully approached the car with his gun drawn. The men locked inside the car never heard his warnings or commands.

As Barney Fife crouched near the vehicle with his shaking gun, he radioed information to headquarters. He reported the elderly men as engaged in suspicious activity, moving around backseat blankets in possible cover-up of weapons or drugs. They remained unresponsive to his shouts for them to surrender. There was no sight of the kidnapper, but he might be the man eating a hamburger inside Dairy Queen.

The Three Stooges could not have filmed a more hilarious scene. When passenger Ernest finally noticed the nearby officer crouching near the vehicle, he began to excitedly shout for help. This spooked the sheriff who called for back-up. The cop motioned the suspects to put up their hands as the men wildly waved their hands to get his attention.

The lawman shouted louder, and the hostages turned to higher volume levels on their hearing aid devices.

Communication became miscommunication, more like the Abbot and Costello routine of Who’s on First? (Please google it if you are not familiar with this classic baseball comedy routine about Who’s on First, What’s on second, and I Don’t Know is on third).

The sheriff shouted, “Where is he?”

“Who?”

“The kidnapper.”

“What?”

“Where is he?”

“Who?”

“Your kidnapper.”

“What?”

“Who is your kidnapper?”

“I don’t know.”

“Where is he?”

“What?”

“Where is your kidnapper?”

“Who is kidnapping us?”

Eventually, D.K. and Ernest peacefully surrendered. I repeat; they are truly some of the quietest and nicest men on this planet. They would soon be reunited with their true loves. I would love to have been a fly on the wall of that car ride home. I suspect the backseat volume remained high while the hearing aids were extremely low, or off.

It was early the next morning at church when I saw D.K. He was a longtime usher who greeted everyone with a welcoming smile and hug. When he saw me at the other end of the foyer, he lowered his head and began a slow walk towards me. He looked like a sad, little puppy who spilled the trash.

I intercepted him halfway; he spoke softly, “Oh, Pastor! Oh, Pastor!” I put my arms around him as he buried his head into my shoulder. I did my best to console and encourage him. I think I even said it could happen to any of us. I wanted to laugh.

He said he was so embarrassed, and I responded it would be a funny story someday. His reply, “I don’t think Bessie and Lucille will let us live to see that someday.” They all did.

The husbands failed to pay attention to their wives’ whereabouts. The travel kidnap episode remained a sensitive subject for years and made future trips a little more stressful. The hearing aids came in handy for the guys.

Years later, I could better identify with D. K. Adams’ chagrin at his misfortunate travel adventure which left his talking bride behind in fear of a kidnap caper. I did not forget my wife at a truck stop; I just did not listen to her wishes. Apparently, I did not pay attention. 

Our family recalls it as The Wallpaper episode. The phrase brings immediate memories of extreme laughter and unforgettable misery, mostly at my expense.

Our family returned home from the best vacation of our lives. We reminisced about the fun, food, fellowship, and feelings of awe at the beautiful sights, peaceful relaxation, and exciting activities.

The biggest surprise awaited our arrival. The Wallpaper.

My wife had purchased paint, rolls of wallpaper, and decorative border for our family room. Several months passed without any start on the project. I always had a reason to wait until the next weekend. When there was no reason, I made up an excuse. Handyman stuff has never been a strong suit. At least, I knew not to use Great Stuff on this honey-do listing.

The lengthy delay left my wife discouraged and overwhelmed. My multi-talented maiden can outwork experienced work crews and out-decorate professional decorators; however, the possibility of finishing this project without any assistance only added to its postponement. I promised my participation after the vacation.

My surprise plan was the enlistment of my handyman friend to paint the room, install the wallpaper, match the molding, and add the top border while we were away on our family vacation. This would be one of the greatest gifts of all time. Surprised expressions, joyful gratitude, and special treatment awaited me.

The children were apprised of the amazing gift. Their excited energy had them jumping for joy in anticipation of mom’s astonishment and dad’s achievement. It would be the cherry on the top of this family’s best vacation sundae.

I asked the family to wait outside the door so I could check the house. Everything was safe and in its place. No house invasion by burglars or rats. Most importantly, the beautiful wallpaper and colorful border had been wonderfully placed without any mistakes or mess for me to clean up. What a husband! What a lucky wife to have such a thoughtful spouse!

Our smiling daughter held her mother’s hand as they waited in the entry. Her face beamed with the joy of a Christmas morning. The younger boys applauded as I announced the queen’s grand entrance into the family room. One shouted, “Surprise!” The other, “Ta dah!”

My wife was surprised! She was speechless! The shocked look on her face was priceless. Her gorgeous eyes became extremely large. Both hands covered her open mouth. Her knees trembled and weakened.

She leaned against the doorpost as she continued to gaze around the room at the wallpaper and border, carefully chosen to adorn her living area.

Her eyes began to fill with tears; her head began to slowly move back and forth. She would point at the wall and then place her hand back over her mouth. The kids continued to dance around the room. Her husband went from glee to puzzlement.

She pointed again at the wallpaper and then at the adjoining room. She repeated this gesture. Several times, she pointed at the wallpaper and then toward the other living area. The multitude of wallpaper rolls and border were no longer stacked in the garage. They were on her wall.

THE WALL IN THE WRONG ROOM!

Yep! I directed my handyman friend to redecorate the WRONG ROOM. Surprise!

My precious wife remained speechless! In fact, she did not speak again for two days. The shock silenced everything. No complaint. No correction. No criticism. She just went to bed and covered her crying eyes.

I stood there staring at the wallpaper. I felt like D. K. Adams when the police officer informed him the blankets in the back seat were not his wife and sister-in-law, to which D.K. replied, “Huh?”

Marriage requires commitment…so does insanity.

Someday, this too, would be a funny story; just not sure I would live long enough to see that someday. Somewhere, Beyonce is singing for all the Dreamgirls out there, “You should have listened.”

The wallpaper never came down, but neither did its place in family lore. Every subsequent vacation had its moments where the rest of the family retold the Wallpaper Story with all the exaggerated facial reenactments and laughter at dad’s expense. When I get a hearing aid, I will smile as they tell the Wallpaper Story.

Hearing is not the same thing as Listening. I am much better at hearing than I am at listening. Listening is a communication skill that enhances a relationship. It expresses value, respect, and interest in the other person. Listening is a tool of understanding the other person, who they are, what they like, what they want.

Too many times I hear the words but fail to grasp their importance. I tend to assume that I already know what the person is about to say. Most of the time, I “listen” while thinking about my reply. (I am listening to all of you out there who are shouting, “Amen” to this. Well, at least, I hear you.)

My wife once stated, “You were not even listening to me, were you?” I thought that was a strange way to start a conversation. Then I realized she had been talking for several minutes. When she asked me to repeat what she had said, all I could come up with was, “You were not even listening to me, were you?”

I am not a good listener, but I have not given up hope. Listening deliberately attempts to understand the message of the speaker. It requires effort, no interruption, and an affirming non-judgmental response.

Listening requires me to pay attention. That means I need to change my focus away from the television or computer. It means putting down the cell phone and stop texting. I can hear and process several things at the same time. However, that is not listening. Listening requires a choice of where I place my attention. I have to put away what divides my attention. (I said I am still learning.)

Can I share what is helping me become a better listener? Deciding I want to become a person who loves first and loves most. Preoccupation with self is a detriment to listening.

What drives listening? Love. Listening is primarily a spiritual connection based on love.

How you listen to others is indicative of how you listen to God. Uninterested? Pretense? Inattentive? Divided attention? Short attention span? More concerned with sharing your ideas, opinions, plan?

Love listens. Learn to listen to God first and most. Others will benefit. Listening to God’s Word is a great place to start. “Quick to listen; slow to speak” (#1 Textbook). Listen better to creation as birds sing, winds whisper, waves crash, and thunder roars to the glory of God’s love for you. Listen to others share their heart.

One of the best things you can do today is to listen to someone’s heart…until it is poured out completely.

“Being heard (listened to) is so close to being loved that most people cannot tell the difference.” (David Augsber)

Love listens first. Love listens most. That can be challenging. I am a very slow learner, but I do understand the goal.

Remember the most important thing in life. Love God and love others. Also, remember your wife. I offer two real-life suggestions.

1. Always double-check for visual and verbal confirmation of your wife’s presence before you drive off to another state or place a Dairy Queen order on her behalf.
2. If you do not pay attention to your wife’s wants and wishes, do not try to surprise her.

I offer this paraphrase of the prominent scripture invoked at many weddings for beautiful brides and their dumb and dumber men. Love is patient, love is kind…Love never leaves a loved one behind; love never gives the right gift in the wrong place…love never fails. (#1 Textbook)

Love listens First. Love listens Most.

Remember to keep dancing; it a vital part of the built-in Survival Guide. You will make it through this episode of life…someday.

How do you love more? Comprehend the infinite capacity of love. (next session)                  

The great effort of Stylianos Kyriakides is recognized as the birth of charity running. The accomplishment was not easy; in fact, it seemed impossible. His victorious race was the stuff of legends.

Stelios trained himself in long distance running at his home island of Cyprus. A Greek champion marathoner, he represented his country in the 1936 Olympics held in Berlin, Germany. He finished a very respectable eleventh place, but the most important Olympic experience was a kindled friendship with U.S. runner, Johnny Kelley, who invited him to participate in the Boston Marathon.

The star Greek runner’s acceptance became a highly publicized spectacle in Boston largely due to two factors: the Greek origin of the marathon and the large community of Greek immigrants throughout the New England area. The high-profile runner received celebrity treatment everywhere he appeared. The press declared him the race favorite.

Stelios would not be crowned with the victor’s laurel wreath. Instead, he would be clothed in humiliation and shame in both America and Greece. He wore new shoes in the race, a gift from a supporter, which resulted in severe blisters on both feet. He limped to the side of the road, bloody and painfully sore. He quit!

Normally, that disappointment might be excused from an adoring crowd, but newspaper cameras caught him exiting the race in a taxi. The whole sports world was shocked! Stelios returned home branded a loser and worse, a quitter!

In the next years, Kyriakides barely survived the food shortage and bitterly cold weather during the German Nazi occupation which ravaged Greece in World War II. He miraculously escaped execution when all the men in his hometown were hanged in one night.

Stelios was spared because his passport was stamped with Hitler’s signature for his participation in the Berlin Olympics. The plight of the nation worsened from the Civil War which followed the end of the big war, as tens of thousands died from starvation.

Stelios believed there was a higher reason for why he had been saved from execution and starvation. He vowed to help the people of his ravaged homeland somehow, someway, someday. He decided to run in the Boston Marathon as a charity event to raise funds for the Greek people.

He had not run in six years. His wife feared for his life and begged him to reconsider his plan to torture his emaciated, untrained body in a race for his love of others.

Determined to make his life count for something which would outlast his earthly existence, Stelios sold their furniture to purchase a plane ticket to America. Few expected him to run a marathon, and no one predicted he might win the race.

His presence in Boston became front page news. However, the doctors refused to allow Stelios to run for fear he would die in the streets. His passionate persistence gained their reluctant permission.

That backdrop only added to his almost mythical race performance. He ran alongside Johnny Kelley for much of the race, pushing his racked body to its limits.

Near the end of the marathon, an old man shouted from the crowd, “For Greece, for your children!” inspiring Kyriakides to pull away and win the race in record time.

Kelley said of him, “It was like he had wings on his feet.”

In his hand, Stelios carried a note with the Spartan warrior battle motto, “Win or Die.” As he crossed the finish line in victory, years removed from his humiliating defeat, he shouted, “For Greece!”

Kyriakides persevered and triumphed not for personal gold or glory, but for the welfare of others. When an individual lives for a higher cause than just self, then he or she runs in the right direction with greater effort!

Kyriakides defeated the defending champion and set the best time in the world. It was also sixteen minutes faster than his personal best time. Extraordinary!

More importantly, the publicity of his improbable, but heroic Boston Marathon victory created great awareness of the horrible plight of his nation’s people. Stelios pleaded with Americans to love others. He returned to Greece with tons of donated food, medicine, clothing, and cash to help the famine-ravished people. 

Kyriakides did what he could to help others he loved. That was the answer God expected when he asked Moses, “What is that in your hand?”

Every ability is a gift from God specifically designed for your life’s purpose. Use your God-given platform of influence to do good to others. Do not waste your time making excuses about what you do not have or wishing you were someone else. Envy and jealousy are cancerous cells, excuses to quit.

You do not need someone else’s platform to impact this world for good. Just be you and just do what you can.

The #1 Textbook records the response of a woman who answered the call to use her influence for good. It happened at a celebration of a man once socially isolated with leprosy, now at home, transformed by the love of Jesus.

The woman came into the room carrying a valuable jar of precious perfume. She broke the container and poured it over the head of Jesus. Her gift, valued at almost one year of income, might have been a family heirloom or safety net for financial emergency.

However, the lesson of her gift is not tied to its extreme importance or unbelievable extravagance.

This woman had purpose in what she did, because she paid attention to what was the most important thing in life. “God loved us so much that He gave” (#1 Textbook). She understood our love for God and others resembles the dance of His love when we are extravagant in our generosity.

The perfume was precious to this woman, and she gave it away in an act of love. What she did could not be undone. The sweet aroma and her story went everywhere, even remembered today.

When the woman in the Bible history lesson unselfishly gave her most precious possession to show love to someone else, Jesus proclaimed her action as extraordinary. The word extraordinary means, “to go beyond the routine, the normal, the regular; to do something that is exceptional as a beautiful and memorable event.” 

How did Jesus define extraordinary? “She did what she could.”

Wow! What if you and I just did what we could do to love others?

This woman held nothing back. Like Stelios, she went all in to make a difference. Life was not about herself, but about love for others. She did what she could do, and it made a lasting impression on this world.

A modern-day example of extraordinary effort in doing what one can do to help others is Team Hoyt.

Rick Hoyt was born a spastic quadriplegic, unable to walk. He was diagnosed with cerebral palsy at birth after his umbilical cord became twisted around his neck and caused the blockage of oxygen flow. As a result, his brain could not send the correct messages to his muscles. Doctors encouraged the parents to institutionalize Rick, informing them he would be nothing more than a “vegetable.”

His parents ignored the advice of doctors who said Rick’s situation was hopeless. Instead, they fought to get their son access to all kinds of activities, even though expert physicians said their son would never live “a normal life.”

Dick Hoyt encouraged his son to know that together they could overcome anything. At the age of eleven, after some persistence from his parents, Rick was fitted with a computer which enabled him to communicate and demonstrate his intellectual capabilities. This enabled Rick to attend public schools for the first time. He would later graduate from Boston University with a degree in special education.

When he was fifteen, Rick asked his father to push him in a five-mile road race to raise funds for a recently paralyzed lacrosse player. Rick told his father after their first run, “When we are running, I don’t feel handicapped.”

Rick’s dad taught him that only the physical self can be handicapped, not the dreams.

It was a new beginning of togetherness. That first race began a lifelong challenge. Thirty-eight years later, Team Hoyt had competed together in various athletic endeavors, including seventy-three marathons, six Ironman Triathlons, over eleven hundred endurance events, and a 3,735-mile USA cross-country trip. Just a hop, skip, and jump!

The manner in which they accomplished these feats is even more impressive. During competition, Dick pulled Rick in a special boat as they swam, carried him in a special seat in the front of a bicycle, and pushed him in a special wheelchair as they ran. Recently, Team Hoyt completed their thirty-second Boston Marathon together, Dick at age seventy-four and Rick at fifty-three.

Team Hoyt was inducted to the Ironman Hall of Fame and  ESPN honored them with the Jimmy V Perseverance Award at the ESPYS in 2013. “When we started years ago, nobody would even talk to us, but because my dad said ‘yes’ when I asked him to push me in the first race, we are here,” said Rick in his acceptance speech. 

 “Next time you see someone in a wheelchair, or someone who can’t talk or walk, or they may talk or walk a little bit different, they are people too, and they deserve to live, learn, work and play.”

“We run for those who can’t.” They did what they could. That is extraordinary!

High School Football coaching legend, Allen Trimble, spoke courageous and challenging words about living and dying with ALS (incurable Lou Gehrig’s Disease): “Quit living life as if the purpose of your life is to arrive safely at your funeral. Set your goals and dreams so high and so eternal that they are destined to fail without God’s help.”

Live for a purpose that outlives your earthly life. Coach did what he could. Extraordinary!

My friend, Sherman Wiggin lived a life of love for others. He died quickly from a ravaging cancer. He had a life story of giving love first and most. However, it was his last sacrificial act of giving love first and most that summarizes this chapter about Giving Back.In one of his last days, Sherman whispered his insistence that his wife stop at the gas station. He slowly got out of the car, muffling his moans, and set the clip to pump gas.

He painfully shuffled inside. Several minutes later, Sherman returned with a small bag filled with his wife’s favorite Baby Ruth candy bars. He bought every Baby Ruth in the store. The cost of love was more than just a few dollars. It was something beyond monetary value. He did not use his remaining strength to get something for himself. He used it to love first and love most. Most people die the way they lived.

Read these words about that last sacrificial act of love penned by Laura Wiggin, his wife, who is a wonderful writer. Ponder them. Then read them again and share the action of sacrificial love as well as the paragraph with someone else.

“In a world flooded with selfies…could a phone camera ever catch such a kind act? People…turn your phone camera setting around! Focus on others. You don’t stand a chance at seeing that kind of love if it’s stuck on SELFie…” (Laura Wiggin, The Candy Bar: unwrapped sacrifice.)

“Walk in love, giving up yourself as a sacrifice to others, just as Jesus did” (#1 Textbook).

Sherman did what he could. Extraordinary.

All of Us.

What can you do? You can take your love to a higher level.

When you live for a higher cause than just yourself, then you run in the right direction with greater effort!

There are many needs in this world beyond our ability to help. You and I cannot solve all the world’s problems or feed all the world’s hungry people or eliminate worldwide poverty, or even do that in our cities. We cannot undo every injustice.

The Lord never judges anyone because he or she did not do what they could not do. Instead, he asks us to consider what we can do to share the most important thing in life.

What can you do? Run a race for charity? Give a gift for posterity? Push a wheelchair? There are many hurting, lonely people near you. There are at-risk children to tutor and senior hearts to comfort in your neighborhood. Set your dreams high and depend on God’s help.

What can you do? You can take your love to a higher level.

Love always gives first. Love always gives most.

Just be you and do what you can do to love God and love others.

What can you do to love others more? What kind of extra effort can you bring to the challenge to help someone else? Do what you can do. It will be extraordinary!

“Selfies” and “extraordinary” are on opposite ends of love’s spectrum.

Love always gives first. Love always gives most.

Love always does what it can. Extraordinary!

Where do you begin to give first and most?

Start at home. (next session)

Love Anchor 2: Love First. Love Most. God lives inside of you to lead you to others He intends to love through you.

I thought my prayers had been answered. Unexpectantly, the clouds of change left me spiritually disoriented. Joy and thanksgiving became confusion and disappointment. Just as we cheered our family ship sailing safely into the harbor from its treacherous journey, the boat capsized. We were suddenly swept back out into stormy seas on a life raft.

Heartbroken? That would be an understatement.

My faith was shaken. My dream project was taken from me. I had been kicked to the curb from the one thing for which I had sacrificed most to sustain until completion. My closest associates questioned my motives. The newest associates dismissed my involvement altogether. I was out…gone…nonexistent. They just did not call it cancel culture.

My heart was empty; my mind was foggy. The unfairness and falsehood of their words crushed me. My family was hurt; my future seemed dark. Relationships were unraveling. Security diminishing. Through it all, others stated I was the one with the wrong solution and the wrong attitude! At least, that was implied where it was not specifically charged. My thinking was called irrational. My motives were deemed to be materialistic. Even my integrity was questioned.

We all have blind spots of flawed character and conduct; we just do not see them. Not only was I blinded to my blind spots, but I was also unable to see my next step. I did not know what to say or do, except to cry and complain.

What do you do when you feel disappointed? Depressed? Defeated? How do you trust God WHEN everything looks and feels so wrong? WHEN plans get messed up? WHEN circumstances seem horrible? WHEN you fail? WHEN the worst happens?

The God I so much trusted felt so far away. I thought God was supposed to know where I was and where I needed to be, and how to take care of me. This felt more like disaster than euphoria.

I cried more than at any time in my life, I complained more than at any time in my life, I criticized others more than at any time in my life. In retrospect, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, about to crash emotionally and spiritually.

Any thoughts of love were buried in the fog of self-pity. Any sense of right direction was lost to my self-centered convergence. I was spiritually disoriented. Have you felt like that?

Spatial disorientation is an aeronautics term familiar to pilots. The phrase describes the inability to determine one’s position in relation to a trusted point of reference.

PERCEPTION DOES NOT AGREE WITH REALITY.

Pilots experience spatial disorientation when flying in weather conditions which prevent them from being able to see the horizon or the ground. When points of reference disappear, the pilot’s perceptions become unreliable.

Sensory input of the eyes and inner ears give conflicting signals, resulting in distorted vision and confused equilibrium. What the pilot sees and feels do not match.

The pilot loses perspective of attitude, altitude, and airspeed. He can no longer be certain of the plane’s flight path. He might be in a tight turn while he thinks he is flying straight or be plummeting in a deep dive while perceiving he is soaring to a higher altitude. The consequences can be deadly.

Even veteran pilots can end up in bad situations. The helicopter crash that killed Los Angeles Laker legend Kobe Bryant, his 13-year-old daughter, and seven others was due to the poor decision of an experienced pilot to push the limits of bad weather flying rules. The pilot climbed into clouds, became disoriented about the helicopter’s position relative to the horizon, and made a descending left turn into a cloud-obscured California hillside.

The best plan to guard against the dangers of spatial disorientation is to trust the instrument panel. Flight instructors teach student pilots to trust the cockpit instruments, more than intuitive instincts. Again, in stressful times, perception may not be the same as reality.

For most of us, the similarity would be driving in a dense fog where signposts and familiar landmarks are hidden from view.

I am well-acquainted with the mind-boggling confusion and fear of that uncertainty. Alzheimer’s patients often experience this sense of feeling disoriented and unsure of where they are.

Self-centeredness has a similar effect on our spiritual senses. We lose our way in a relationship, make incorrect adjustments, and fail to realize we are in a graveyard spiral. Unaware of the danger to our soul, we hide our spiritual struggles from others who could help. Instead, we make life-changing corrections based on our perception of right or wrong.

The worst thing in times of changing conditions is to react with what we feel is right. We become overwhelmed with anger and bitterness, so we defend ourselves and blame the wrong on others. Sometimes, our inclination is to strike back or turn away. Too often, those impulses end up like a hillside disaster.

Regrettably, I have experienced spiritual disorientation too many times in life, but this time was the longest and worst. Changing circumstances set in like a dense fog to temporarily cloud spiritual senses. The darkness of the soul hid spiritual reality.

Sometimes in life and death, we cannot see God anywhere. We question whether God is still in control or whether there is even a God at all. Pushed off course by the wild winds of tragedy, we lose sight of our true horizon.

Bitter pills, broken hearts, and crushed dreams produce turbulence of hopelessness and clouds of despair. Death of a loved one can become a reality check for the living. A bad medical prognosis can do the same thing. Spiritual bearings need a dependable reference.

How are we supposed to live? How do we prepare to die? What ultimately matters? What will be our instrument panel of truth when everything else fails?

When faced with spiritual disorientation, the psalmist declared, I will lift my eyes to the hills. My help comes from the LORD (#1 Textbook).

God is still working all things for our good. All things. Even now. In every season of life. In the face of loss and changing circumstances. Even in the valley of the shadow of death.

I realized my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside…I was senseless…Even so, I am in your presence. You grasp my right hand and guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. You alone are for me on earth and in the heavens. Who else is there to trust? (#1 Textbook).

That is right. Who else is there to trust except the One who is forever faithful? That message reminder was delivered by a tiny sparrow chirping on my fence as if it had no worries in the world. I recalled the reading from the #1 Textbook instrument panel.

“A sparrow never worries. God never forgets even one of them. There is no reason for you to fear; you are far more valuable to God. He will take care of you.”

Reality was different than my perception. Thank you to all the little sparrows in the world who point our focus back to the spiritual instrument panel.

Amid spiritual disorientation due to my trials, I failed to do what I was trained to do, trust the reliability of life’s instrument panel found in the #1 Textbook. God is with me and for me.

God always knows where I am, where I need to be, how and when to get me there. So, be faithful and happy now.

The true horizon will always guide me to safety where love and trust are constant companions.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take 

The clouds you so much dread                                                                                                   

Are big with mercy and soon shall break                                                                                     

with blessings on your head. (Wm. Cowper)

Spiritual pilots are trained to live by faith, not sight. God is for us, not against us. Nothing will ever separate us from His love. Not suffering. Not hardship. Not death. Nothing ever changes God’s faithfulness. Not fog or darkness. Not change or conflict.

Here, in a nutshell, is the good news to which every spiritual instrument points.

Jesus voluntarily became our Substitute Pilot to realign us in a new direction and eternal destiny. God treated His perfect loving Son on the cross as if He lived our sinful self-centered lives in order that God might treat us forever as if we lived the perfect, loving life of Jesus, with the promise we will be seated with Him forever in the highest heavenly place of honor, harmony, and happiness. Are you trusting Jesus to be your Spiritual Pilot?

I needed to remember the basics of spiritual life. God’s responsibility is to work all things together for my good and the good of my family. My responsibility is to love God and love others.

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord (#1 Textbook). Hope is not some wish or dream. It is not some brain-washed platitude or spiritual crutch. We have a Pilot for our souls. The skies will clear. The storm will lessen. We will see HOPE on the horizon. God will get us home safely.

Hope is the confident expectation that we will still experience                                                  all the future goodness God has promised……somehow…someway…sometime.

I would have despaired and lost heart unless I believed that I would still see the hope and goodness of the Lord in the land of the living (#1 Textbook).

By God’s grace, I have my spiritual bearings. I messed up. I made a mess. I became a mess. Through it all, God never loved me less. What a blessing! What a dance lesson!

As Celine Dion sings, “It’s all coming back to me now.” Even when I mess up the dance steps, God never loves me less. The Lord always loves first and loves most.

My concern is for you who might be experiencing spiritual disorientation. I sympathetically understand the confusion of relationship problems. Loving first and loving most make you feel more vulnerable.

We perceive we were blind-sided or unfairly criticized. We feel the relationship is irreparably broken or certainly doomed. Our tendency is to make a knee-jerk reaction to get out of the tumultuous circumstances.

We want to explain and defend ourselves. We want to strike back with hurtful words and retaliatory actions. Self-protective instincts do not help us or the other persons. They only contribute to a crash and burn scenario.

• Always trust the #1 Textbook instrument panel. Turbulent times are never an excuse to forget the most important thing in life. Please check your instrument panel. Love First and Love Most, even when you feel as though that other person is not loveable.

• Do not make decisions based on your feelings or circumstances or even your thoughts, especially in the midst of strained or broken relationships. In moments of anxiety and stress, make decisions based on the #1 Textbook instrument panel, not your instincts or natural reactions. False perception leads to poor decisions, even paralysis in love and life.

• Truth instructs us how to live and why. It empowers hope which gives guidance and direction beyond our earthly, self-centered perspective.

• Hope always lands the disoriented heart in a safe place. Always.

Do you know anyone who has made a mess or has become one? They could use a blessing of love and a lesson of hope.

God’s #1 Textbook is the proven instrument panel that we can trust in times of grief, emotional stress, and spiritual disorientation. I encourage you to look to God for help and hope. Then look for people in need of that same help and hope. They do not need a lecture. They need hope. Share with them the uncondemning, unending, inclusive love which stabilizes and strengthens the disoriented soul.

PERMANENT #1 TEXTBOOK INSTRUMENT PANEL READING:

• You will always land safely when you Love First and Love Most.*God’s role is to work all things out for your good, including the relationships and the circumstances surrounding your life.

• Your role is to remember the most important thing in every situation.

Love them first and love them most. Never love them less.

What do you do when you get spiritually oriented?

Use your platform of influence to give help to others.    (next session)                            

Love Anchor 1: Remember the most important thing in life. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength; and love others as yourself.

Do you know where you are? Do you know where you need to be? God knows. I needed to learn that truth.

It simply amazes me at how willing, and even insistent, other people are regarding telling you what you need to do in life as well as where, when, and how. Try sharing your plans with family, well-meaning friends, or on social media, and see how much negative feedback you get. You will not have to wait very long.

There are prolific numbers of professionals with their impressive degrees and resumes dedicated to the purpose of telling you what to do with your life. Even more prevalent are the numerous talk show guests speaking as experts on the subject, with complete disregard to contradictory opinions expressed in their fourth or fifth or twenty-fifth try at nutrition, cosmetics, politics, or marriage.

I wanted to be an astronaut, soaring into space with John Glenn or leaping around the moon’s surface with Neil Armstrong. “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”

I was fully qualified except for my poor vision, even poorer vertigo, the poorest grades in physics, and my inability to fly a plane. So, I settled for preparing my younger brother to be The Right Stuff.

He was five years-old at the time, desperate for big-brother attention, and the perfect guinea pig for me and my eleven-year-old buddy.

We used the school playground as a virtual reality simulator for his Star Trek preparation. “Space…the final frontier.” Centrifugal force training at Warp speeds on the merry-go-round was quickly followed by testing for equilibrium, which was hilarious. There were attempts to set new swing-set altitude records. “Beam me up, Scotty.”

Endurance exercises on the monkey bars were challenging; but the greater ability was to stay focused while being pelted with various objects like footballs, dirt, and ice cream.

Long runs and multiple push-ups satisfied the supervisors’ thirst for torture. When the young rookie dared to question why this was part of the training, I had a ready answer. “What if you and Captain Kirk get kidnapped by the Klingon Empire? You need to be prepared for the brutal mistreatment. Tell them only your name and Wheaties’ cereal number.”

In today’s world, my version of space conditioning would be considered cruel and abusive treatment. All one needs to go into space is to buy a ticket. Apparently, there is no need to be the Right Stuff if you can pay fifty million dollars. Someday soon, economy sections with crowded seating and limited viewing might sell on the internet discount travel sites for $250,000. I have started a Go Fund Me page.

However, my little brother grew up in another time and space. Buried in the pole vault sand pit and dragged around the football field were regular requirements for toughness training. The worst part of the training for him occurred in the final event of every weekly challenge.

It was the “prepare for launch” scenario where the young astronaut trainee was forced to succumb to extra forces of gravity pushing him to the ground. The assignment was simple: make a touchdown from the one-yard line. The rules required him to run between the two kneeling defenders ready to squash him. “One small step for a little boy.”

The best part for us were his facial expressions during the final ten seconds of the countdown to launch as he deliberated between the bodily punishment of the gravitational force or the additional concerns from Mission Control over a five-yard delay of game penalty. “Houston, we have a problem.”

Tough decisions. Life Lessons.

The young astronaut trainee made the right decisions. He never waited for the Double-Dog-Dare-You challenge. He gritted his teeth, put his head down, and plunged toward the goal line, only to be buried in an avalanche of grade school muscle. His trainers required him to go for it on all four downs. He never made it to the goal line. It was so much fun for us. To his credit, he never cried and never told Dad. Mom always called him, “Cool Breeze.”

Little brother grew up to be a highly successful Hall of Fame football coach. Today, “Cool Breeze” makes pressure packed decisions without blinking an eye. Whenever he risks it all to go for it on fourth down or puts everything on the line with one of his play calls, I smile. I secretly believe that his early Right Stuff training prepared him for these moments.

The young trainee loved his big brother, and it was my pleasure to highly recommend him to the Air Force Academy’s Space Program. His willingness to endure hardship was off the charts; however, his decision to trust his torture trainers might have been cause for the Academy to question his intelligence.

Only kidding on the smart stuff. Mom pushed us all toward academic challenges. Once, when younger brother was a quarterback in college, some rowdy fans continued to offer negative comments over his performance. They were seated a few rows above our family. Mom held down Dad’s pumping knee to prevent him from ending the hecklers’ ongoing commentary.

The pressure in the stands grew greater than on the playing surface. “Throw it you dummy!” was the breaking point, not for dad, but for mom. She scrambled up the three rows and shook her finger in the face of those frightened men. “I will have you know I am the quarterback’s mother, and my son is no dummy. He has a 3.8 GPA majoring in Biology. So, shut your mouths!”

No quarterback has ever been better protected.

Make no mistake about it. Our parents were made of the Right Stuff.

Mom was relentless about her three sons getting a full and well-balanced education, always pushing us to learn more. One conversation or lecture-time, she told me I needed to take a certain class to further my education. I questioned why. Mom said the subject matter would benefit me in the future and I countered with, “Never. I do not plan to be a chemist or teach Shakespeare.”

Argument over. Not with my declaration, but with Mom’s response. “Ok, if you do not think you need to learn new things, then you will stop all sports and work on your grandfather’s farm.”  There was nothing to gain by debating the little homestead was not really a farm. Apparently, it just needed a new farmhand.

I have great respect for farmers and the vital importance of their profession; I just wanted to be an astronaut.

I worked one summer as a coal miner in a shaft mine that was as far down as the Empire State Building was up. It is the one dark place I have been where literally I could not see my hand in front of my face without the assistance of the headlamp. My dreams had plummeted from the infinite heights of outer space to the depths of total darkness. Mom kept pushing for more education.

My first job out of college placed me on the staff of a United States Senator. I enjoyed the political arena and false sense of importance. Thousands of other post-graduates swarmed the Capitol area with their briefcases full of snacks and video games. Each member of every political staff was intent on writing some new rule or regulation to justify his/her position and salary.

Small business owners and people on little town Main Street wonder and complain about all the government red tape in business and life. Here is the simple answer. Someone who had nothing else to do in Washington, D.C. designed a new form with as many complicated instructions as possible; then he/she sent it home for mother to stick on the refrigerator.

Cynical? Absolutely not! Eventually, I resigned my Senate staff position to go to Law school so I could become a bigger and better politician with numerous young staffers writing policy papers for other younger assistants to file. In some future millennium, historical government researchers will discover our buried regulatory goulash on an outdated computer and rewrite them in a lengthier version of more confusing hogwash. We need more Red Tape on Aisle Three!

Yes, Virginia, there are politicians who exist to frustrate people.

Law school prepared me well to dispense legal counsel to friends, debate foes, complain about politicians, and express my unrequested opinion regarding television legal shows. One semester of law school classes on civil procedures, contracts, and torts sufficiently qualified me as an expert on all legal matters.

Just ask me about real estate, criminal reform, or how Judge Judy should rule on the case. You do not even need to ask me. My opinions are free and unrequested. They are also not cause for disbarment since I never became a lawyer, judge, or mafia representative.

Thankfully, to the many people already suffering from the injustices of this world, I left law school for something better than running in circles chasing the wind. I sensed God’s call to invest my life in helping young people avoid drifting spiritually through life without the most important thing. Then, some person called me out of the blue to inquire about my interest in teaching their church youth group.

Soon, I was out of the limelight, poorly paid, but extremely happy. I remember the first teaching session on How and Why to Spend Time in the #1 Textbook. It is the only thing that can change your heart, direct your steps, and empower your purpose to love first and love most.

I loved God and I loved those middle school, high school, and college-age young people with all my heart. It was a recipe for purpose and enjoyment. Lifelong friendships were created. Those young people have used their platform of influence to help others. They have rocked this world for good.

Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, whether on a farm or an international space station, in a coal mine, classroom, political office, or courtroom, please enjoy it.

How does that happen? What if you want to be somewhere else? Doing something else?

I do offer an answer to those questions from how God taught me.

(Note: There is nothing wrong or unspiritual about sending out one’s resume. We live in a world where resumes and networks are necessary for most professional occupations. It does not mean the person is not trusting God to direct steps and open doors. This story is about my personal journey of faith as it relates to wanting to be somewhere else or do something else. God opened an invitation to the Senate staff and later to the youth ministry without my initiative. I decided to keep it that way through life. No resume for me, unless requested.)

This is how God taught me a vital truth about life. The answer for wanting to be somewhere else or doing something else did not come from the world of astronauts, athletes, politicians, or lawyers. Look to God and His #1 Textbook.

God had moved me into an unfamiliar work at a new place with people I did not know. I was happy beyond imagination…until my imagination visited the world of NOT.

As time passed, I watched colleagues advance to larger places of influence and higher salaries, both in Washington, D.C. and in church careers. My friends encouraged me to get my resume into circulation, but that was just not right for me.

Neither was my attitude. Comparison can dissipate happiness as the mind wanders into the imaginary world of NOT. I fought resentment and depression as I felt stuck in a small place working with a small group of young people. I complained to God.

Comparison poisons the soul and becomes “the thief of joy” (Theodore Roosevelt). We all need to heed that warning statement as we live in the prevalence and popularity of cultural contact where every thought can be expressed and every action recorded.

A world of social media chameleons damages more people than it helps. Carefully crafted stories and highly edited selfies create false versions of reality which foster jealousy, inferiority, discontent, and depression in others. One dislike or even failure to check like can crash one’s party for days and months. Sometimes people never fully recover.

I fell into the same trap, only I tried to hide it from others. I doubted my resolution regarding resumes. I was fifth string again with no hope of acknowledgement or opportunity.

Surprisingly, something changed, not with me, but in me. God was teaching me a life lesson. With no action of my own except necessary cries and unnecessary complaints to God, four opportunities for new employment came out of nowhere in a two-day whirlwind.

I received unsolicited invitations to:

(1) work with the largest youth group in the metroplex,

(2) be the lead staffer for college ministries in the largest church in the state,                 

(3) rejoin the U.S. Senate staff as the top administrative assistant,                              

(4) become campaign manager for the next governor.

I simply could not believe it! How did all these opportunities appear so suddenly? Each endeavor offered much higher salary and much larger fields of influence. My heart was excited, and my mind was racing. What would be my best option?

At least, I knew enough to thank and ask God. There is no lasting happiness anywhere, with anything, or anyone without God. I prayed and searched the #1 Textbook for guidance. “What am I supposed to do?”

Then I had one of those moments when I heard God’s response. This time it sounded more like the voice of my dad-coach.

“I do not want you to go anywhere else. I just wanted you to know I can get you anywhere I want, whenever I want. Just be faithful and happy where you are now.”

That was life-changing then and for the rest of my life. It remains my advice to every young person and those not as young.

God always knows where you are,                                                    

where you need to be,                                                                      

how to get you there,                                                                       

and when to get you there;                                                                 

so, be faithful and happy where you are now.

God knows and God controls. Whether you are Adam or Solomon. Star or fifth string. Senator or stagehand. Senior partner or rookie errand runner. Leader of the pack or dust-eater at the back. God knows where you are and how to get you where you need to be.

God wants you to know His presence and His purpose. “God’s Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path…It will take unending ages for God to show you the immeasurable greatness of His grace in kindness to you” (#1 Textbook).

• God always has a bigger and better plan for you than you have. In fact, your plan for your life would be God’s plan if you knew what God knows.

• Preparation years are never wasted years, even if it is not God’s plan for you to be prime time right now.

• You do not have to go into space to have the Right Stuff. Love people where you are.

• God is always with you and for you. Stay side by side with Him. Be faithful and happy.

• Always remember the most important thing in life wherever you are and with whomever you are.

LOVE FIRST. LOVE MOST. LOVE THE PEOPLE YOU ARE WITH NOW.

Never whine and don’t complain                                                                                 

No excuses and don’t explain                                                                                           

Never blame or throw a fit                                                                                                     

Do your best and never quit

Why should you trust God to take care of you?

Because you can get spiritually disoriented in tough times. (next session)

Love Anchor 1: Remember the most important thing in life. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength; and love others as yourself.

Love Anchor 2: Love First. Love Most. God lives inside of you to lead you to others He intends to love through you.

Love Anchor 3: #1 Textbook. Love for God and love for others lasts forever. The instructions and directions are in the book.

Love Anchor 4: Right Direction. Life is about right direction, not perfection. Course corrections take just one step.

Love Anchor 5: Stay side by side. The only way to love God and love others is side by side.

Love Anchor 6: Be faithful and happy where you are now. God always knows where you are, where you need to be, how to get you there, and when to get you there.

A capacity crowd filled the football stadium as my university team battled a Top Twenty opponent. The game was not going well, at least not for our offense. While that unit struggled, the defense competed valiantly to keep our team within fourteen points, aided by a blocked punt for our only score.

Four minutes remained in the game when our team received possession of the football, eighty yards from paydirt. Surprisingly, our offensive coordinator told me to go into the game as the new quarterback.

Why would I be described as the new quarterback and why might that be surprising? Glad you asked.

I was a new quarterback for the team because this was my first year on the varsity squad and new because I was the fifth string quarterback, behind the starter who quit the team three weeks earlier, behind the second stringer who broke his ankle the prior week, and behind the third and fourth quarterbacks who had been embarrassingly ineffective throughout this game.

This was a new quarterback experience for me as well. Not because of the game pressure, but because of my lack of a tightknit relationship with my head coach. We barely knew one another. His job demanded greater involvement with alumni public relations than player development. Dressed in his fedora and overcoat, his demeanor always appeared aloof and authoritative. I was a fifth string newcomer raised to respect authority, even from a distance. To my own detriment, I kept my distance.

I grew up a coach’s kid. My dad was my high school coach. Of course, we were close on and off the field. He was my hero, a future Hall of Fame coach. Our hearts competed with the same fervor; our minds thought of the same strategy and play calls.

We were side by side in the locker room, on the sidelines, at church, at home. Every night, he told me he loved me. He always believed in me while my college coach had no confidence in his new quarterback.

I used the word surprised because when the offensive coordinator relayed the call for me to go into the game. it was totally unexpected, by me and everyone else who knew anything about college football. Suddenly, I had to take off my headset, find my helmet, then quickly add some eye black so I would not look like a scared fifteen-year-old.

Surprised would also describe my head coach. Actually, he  looked shocked that I was standing beside him waiting for instructions. He glanced at me, then looked away and quickly returned to staring at me as if I were waiting for his postgame food order. Stunned, maybe even traumatized, that I asked what play to call, he reached for his hat and thought about throwing it to the ground. Have we come to this?

My surprised coach offered these fiery words of encouragement as he pushed me onto the playing surface, “Oh (expletive)! Go on in. You can’t possibly do any worse.”

Surprised would also describe the players huddled on the field who barely knew me. I had never taken a snap with the first team offense in a game or practice. I was known as the scout team quarterback who practiced on a different field against our first team defense. The senior starters had never shared the same dining table or the same huddle with me.

As I entered the huddle for my first collegiate participation, the captain of the team raised up, backed out of the huddle, stretched both arms out wide, and greeted my arrival with a screamed expletive. “Who the (blank) is this?”

I simply shrugged my shoulders and blurted out, “Surprise!” 

Excited? Yes! Was I nervous? Of course not! I stepped into the huddle, called out the formation, the play, and the snap count. As our team moved into position, I surveyed the defense, seemingly scattered all over the field. Some were growling like dogs after new meat. Some were bent over in laughter.

I did not see my first pass launched on the big stage because I was quickly buried under an avalanche of big, mean, defensive linemen. The wide receiver came back to the huddle and muttered that the pass was too high. He went on to say the football landed in the second row of the stadium. I thought that was excessive commentary.

I had clear view of the second pass hitting a player right in the numbers on his chest, but he dropped it. The fans of both teams cheered, gasped, and moaned, all in one breath. It turned out to be a blessing. “Bad Hands Greene.” who could not hold onto the ball, was wearing a different colored jersey than my team. It should have been an interception, the pick six variety. Instead, my mother’s favorite quarterback lived to try again on third down.

Is uncontrollable shaking of one’s body any indication of nervousness? What about stammering so badly the captain had to translate the next play-call to the rest of the players? Yes, my confidence had been somewhat rattled by seeing our team managers packing up the equipment and our coaches throwing their headsets on the ground in disgust. The home fans began a mass exit from the stadium with thoughts of a lobster roll and brewski dancing in their heads.

As the legendary Yogi Berra so poignantly stated, “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over!”   

Our football game was still in progress. My third pass was a completion to our tight end along the right sidelines for a first down. The next pass found the halfback in the flat. He evaded a defender and advanced the ball to midfield.

Cheers, some genuine and some sarcastic, erupted from the remaining fans. Players were excited. Our captain shouted expletive-laced encouragement. Coaches repositioned their headsets. This was what I was created to do.

The subsequent play was a pass completion to our wide receiver running deep across the middle of the field until he was tackled at the twenty-yard line. There was still time to score, maybe even tie the game.

Suddenly, everything stopped. The opposing team called timeout. I imagine our brief success shocked their coaches. Who was this new guy hurling spirals down the field, marching his team toward the endzone? They definitely did not have a scouting report on this new quarterback.

If they paused to read info on this new quarterback in the game program, they would be surprised. They were chasing the wind. There was nothing about me in the publication. No picture. No bio. Nada. My name and number were buried somewhere in the team roster.

The next few minutes would become surreal and memorable, even more so than the previous ones. As the opponent sought to regain composure and reestablish their dominance, I did what every quarterback should do in any and every situation. Look cool. I think the current generation of players call it #swag, baller or dripped out. It is all about style. Look cool.

Look cool jogging onto the field for pregame warmups. Look cool in the huddle calling the play. Look cool standing in the pocket to throw a pass while the defense swarms around you. Look cool in success or adversity. Look cool especially during time-outs like this one, because the television camera might be on you.

I knew how to do “cool.” I was definitely dripped out. I practiced this since I was a kid. I had studied the great ones and imitated their movements until I perfected the look. I might not read directions for how to use Great Stuff, but I had quarterback cool stuck all over me.

I slowly unbuckled my chinstrap. I did the walk, the quarterback walk. All the great ones walk the same way. Brady. Namath. Montana. Aikman. Manning. Rodgers. Mahomes.

The cool quarterback walk. Head down, but eyes up. Helmet slightly lifted so the facemask is above the eyes. Shoulders slightly slouched forward. Shuffle toward the sidelines to talk with the coach. It should resemble more of a stroll than a walk. Not too fast, not too slow. Just chill, as if there are no concerns in the world.

With many hours in front of a mirror, I had it all down perfectly. Except, there was a concern. As I turned and looked at the sidelines, I could not find the coach. The whole scene was reminiscent of a Where’s Waldo puzzle.

Where was the coach? I could see a hundred excited crimson-clad teammates moving around. I saw hundreds of special guests with their sideline passes crowding the areas on both sides of the bench. I saw trainers, doctors, cheerleaders, and security personnel. No coach.

I immediately went into “cool protection” so I would not look like some spooked dog searching for his owner. That would not look cool.

I made a quick decision. I decided I would stroll directly down the twenty-yard line until I arrived at the sidelines and then turn right towards midfield. Surely, I would encounter the head coach somewhere along that path.

My head was steady, but my eyes kept moving as they scanned the masses along the way. It crossed my mind I might not recognize the coach since we were not extremely familiar with one another in this type of setting. As I crossed the forty-yard marker, an arm reached out and grabbed me from behind. It happened! I walked right past the coach! Video replays captured his stunned look as the new quarterback passed by oblivious to his presence and instructions.

Wow! Just a little embarrassing. And he thought I could not do any worse? I proved him wrong.

Later that night, I recounted the events of the game with my friends as I described the emotions of my first experience as a collegiate quarterback.

Suddenly, the irony and sadness hit me like a ton of bricks. The difference between the casual relationship with my college coach and the side-by-side one with my high school coaching dad mirrored my present spiritual condition.

In my prep years, I made the decision to stay side by side with God. No more running in circles chasing the wind. No more failures of searching for fleeting happiness in the imaginary world of not. No more free-falling. However, in college, I had become extremely casual toward God and my #1 Textbook.

I had not run a wheel off…yet; but I had drifted into the imaginary world of not, where I was NOT HAPPY with the coach and NOT HAPPY with my life and NOT HAPPY with my school and NOT HAPPY with others around me.

The sideline search turned out to be a much-needed spiritual wake-up call. I played in the game and the newspapers learned my name, but I forgot to love God and love others, first and most. That is the most important thing in life whether you are the star player in your world or the fifth-string flunky in someone else’s universe.

Where are you…really? Spiritually and emotionally? Are you side by side with God? Or are you on a casual spiritual jog through this life? That nonchalant attitude can be as serious as running the wrong way.

Many years ago, Admiral Perry was leading an expedition to search for the North Pole. Each morning, he checked his measurements; then the exploration team would follow the compass on a northward trek.

When the expedition team camped for the night, Perry would recheck their location. One evening, he was shocked to discover the crew who walked north all day was now farther south than where they started the day’s journey.

Perry’s perplexity continued until he discovered they were traveling on an iceberg drifting south faster than they were walking north.

That is exactly what happens to us when we are casual about love for God and others. We intend to follow Jesus. We plan to follow the directions in God’s Playbook regarding guidance and spiritual conditioning.

Instead, we drift spiritually. We casually drift back into selfishness and worldliness. We continue to casually go through the spiritual motions, somewhat satisfied if we do not live worse than the other players on this journey.

The nearness of God is your good. I do not know if that sounds new or surprising to you. Oh, how I wish that every person within the sound of my quarterback cadence might have that snap count burned into their mind. That is the only play in life that matters, both now and forever.

Are you drifting spiritually? That danger lurks around each of us.

DIRECTION MATTERS. ALIGNMENT MATTERS. PURSUIT MATTERS.

That is not new nor surprising. Love pursues its goal. Running in the wrong direction is not the only way to end up farther from your life purpose. Spiritual complacency can lead to drifting.

We need a spiritual wake-up alarm to check our direction, alignment, and progress.

This is no time to be casual about loving God and loving others. Do not take up residency in the imaginary world of Not. The #1 Textbook is the only reliable spiritual compass. It is relevant to every circumstance in your life. It is wisdom for every decision and every relationship.

Stay side by side with God so you can Love First and Love Most.

NOW IS THE TIME TO GET CLOSER AND PICK UP THE PACE.

The #1 Textbook will be more helpful and beneficial to your life than anything else. You can even look cool reading it.

How do you stay side by side with God? Trust God to take care of you.  (next session)

Love Anchor 1: Remember the most important thing in life. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength; and love others as yourself.

Love Anchor 2: Love First. Love Most. God lives inside of you to lead you to others He intends to love through you.

Love Anchor 3: Study the #1 Textbook. Love for God and love for others lasts forever. The instructions and directions are in the book.

Love Anchor 4: Right Direction Matters. Life is about right direction, not perfection. Course corrections take just one step.

Love Anchor 5: Stay Side by Side. The only way to love God and love others is side by side.

The Most Important Thing in Life

CHAPTER 6   RECYCLED TESTS 

Sometimes we fail to pay attention to where we are and become blind to what life is truly about. When God questions us, we fail the test.

Recently, when my wife and I cleaned out the attic, I stopped to look through some old scrapbooks and keepsakes. I smiled at one professor’s comments posted on the front of my physics’ final exam: If ignorance is bliss, then you will have a very happy life!

Someone needs to invent a font for sarcasm! My wife thought it was funny. I quickly decided to trash that little blue book in the recycle bin so my kids would never see it. I imagine physicists around the globe would appreciate my part in saving our climate.

Another blue book contained my college humanities test. I remember well the struggle to identify the picture of the bust we had seen during the art gallery tour.

I scrambled for descriptive words to explain that the sculpture was from an early period before sculptures became more refined in the Renaissance Age. Especially notable was the crude, underdevelopment of the eyes which appeared archaic and expressionless.

The professor wrote next to my remarks in large red letters. This is Homer and he was blind!!!

Apparently, my answer was wrong. To clarify, Homer is the presumed composer of the Iliad and the Odyssey, two epic poems which are foundational works of ancient Greek literature. The marble bust in the test was from second century AD, a Roman copy of the Greek original.

The artistic interpretation of Homer’s blind eyes is considered masterful. My answer was not.

I was disheartened about the discovery of this test book since I was fairly certain I preserved only the better college test results. Oh, well, another blue book joined the conservation effort. Save our planet! Save our planet!

One can survive ignorance in art or sports or economics. However, spiritual ignorance will never produce a happy life. It helps if you know and understand the questions on the test.

The spiritual tests in life are always recycled. The first and most important question from God was directed to the first man, Adam. It will be the same question on your test. “Where are you?” (#1 Textbook).                                                                       

Adam was created to stay side by side with God for his ultimate good; so were you. However, at some point, Adam thought he could do better without God. Instead of happiness, he discovered something he had never known, devastating disappointment. 

“Where are you?”

You cannot fake your way through the answer or dispose of the evidence. The length of your answer or its creativity will never impress the Divine Professor.

Ignorance will not lead to happiness. Blindness to your spiritual whereabouts never hides your location from God. Blame or criticism of others never gets a do-over or an excuse pass.

“Where are you?” That was the question which introduced me to my first Zoom call of little boxes filled with little faces. I had seen funny videos posted of Zoom-gone-wrong stuff like the lady who went to the bathroom, the man in his suitcoat and speedo, and the judge with the face of a cat, all of which exposed their internet ineptitude while they remained unaware of the technical idiosyncrasies being watched by others in their virtual group meetings.

My computer screen looked like Hollywood Squares freaked out on crack withdrawal. Panic and anxiety covered the screen with people asking questions while others spouted out commands. I strained to match the voice with the right face. My vision blurred; my interest waned. I just wanted to be unseen and unheard. Present, but unavailable. However, the moderator kept calling my name and repeatedly saying, “Where are you?”

God’s tests are recycled. The first question on God’s test is always, “Where are you?”

It is never a question seeking information because the Divine Professor knows where you are and why you are there. The test question is for your contemplation of what is wrong with this picture.

God was not hiding from Adam. Adam was hiding from God because he ignored God’s directions to stay side by side for lasting happiness. Instead, he went in the wrong direction searching for greater good somewhere else. Like so many of us, Adam failed and did not want to face the consequences. He just desired to disappear.

What went wrong? Could it be fixed? That is exactly what God’s question calls for us to consider.

Every path of self-seeking pleasure we choose to pursue has already been tried and proven futile. Every self-serving activity or achievement we accomplish is verifiably void of lasting happiness.

This world’s monopoly game has a fatal design flaw. The chase circle comes up empty every time we pass “Go.” Wedo not collect two hundred dollars and we must forfeit all temporary happiness. We end up with nothing.

Have you ever gone snipe hunting? The prank became a rite of passage in my neck of the woods, all part of growing up. The adults or friends issue the challenge and arm the rookie hunter with a sack or pillowcase to catch the elusive snipe. Then they assign a prime location, usually characterized by isolation and darkness.

My first experience in snipe hunting was orchestrated by my dad and uncle. All the little cousins were equipped with sacks which were returned in the same condition, empty.

My uncle shamed us for our lack of determination and perseverance. My older cousin began to cry, but I vowed to go back into the darkness of my grandmother’s garden and return with a sack of fresh snipe.

Real snipe are hunted in southern marshes. The small, long-billed game bird is difficult to flush and characterized by its erratic flight pattern. It normally requires a highly skilled marksman, a sniper, to shoot the bird.

However, I hunted in an imaginary world without snipe, and I was highly skilled at catching air in a pillowcase. Several hours later, my Dad found me and relayed the truth. There were no snipe where we lived. So, I began to cry.

Adam cried as well. His monogrammed ‘Happy Meal sack’ remained empty. His misguided adventure was as unproductive as my hunt, a vivid picture of the vanity of earth’s pleasures. The search for happiness apart from God ends up like all snipe hunts. Foolish futility. There is no advantage to bigger sacks or stronger stamina. 

Happiness apart from God is an imaginary snipe hunt. To continue the futile search of self-centered love is spiritual insanity.

God promised Adam and Eve and us He will never withhold what is good for us. The first God-created man and woman took for granted what was good for them. They began to doubt the #1 Textbook.

The first man and woman living in perfect Paradise entertained thoughts that maybe God was not essentially and eternally good.

They began to use something God gave all of us—imagination—but used it for the wrong thing, to create a virtual reality of what life might be like if they were free from their God-given limitations.

Why did Adam and Eve depart from the side of God to venture into a world of their creation, the imaginary world of not? Their wrong test answer matches yours and mine. Every snipe-hunter of happiness is lured into the wild in search of something that does not exist…lasting happiness away from God’s side.

How ironic that this hunt for happiness became the ill-fated pursuit of the only man and woman who ever lived in a perfect world with perfect people surrounded by God’s abundant goodness!

They did not “see” reality in their minds. In a world created for perfect happiness, they imagined a virtual reality world where they were NOT happy.

Think about that! It is a key lesson for test preparation and every recycled test, especially your recycled tests.

The imaginary world of NOT is at the epicenter of self-absorption. It disorients us and distorts spiritual reality, causing us to run in circles chasing the wind. Our mental home becomes the imaginary world of not, where we imagine we are NOT happy and things are NOT going to work out for our good, and we are NOT better off staying close to God.

So, we convince ourselves to try someone, something, or somewhere else for happiness.

The imaginary world of not can exist only in a mind focused on loving Self first and foremost.

Our minds deceive us to entertain thoughts that maybe we are NOT genuinely happy with how God made us, or where God placed us, or with whom God placed us.

We begin to create our own imaginary world of not. “The boss does NOT like me.” “I am NOT getting a fair chance.” “I am NOT happy in this relationship.” “I am NOT getting what I deserve.” “I am NOT getting any respect.”

This is very important:

We listen to ourselves think about the imaginary world of not. You do not have to believe everything you think. Learn to preach to yourself the truth about the most important thing in life.

God is with you and for you. That is reality.

“This is God’s universe, and He does things His way. You may think you have a better way, but you don’t have a universe” (J. Vernon McGee).  

Where are you? Are you side by side with God? God’s question is a wake-up call to come to your senses. It is a coach’s whistle to huddle up.

The first question is always, “Where are you?” Are you side by side with God for your good?

The second question on the Recycled Test is always the same as what God asked Cain, the first man born into a selfish world.

“Where is your brother?” Do you keep him side by side with you for his good? That’s right. For his/her good. That is in your #1 Textbook study notes. We were created to stay side by side with God for our greatest good and to stay side by side with others for their good.

What would God write on your blue test book about how you love others? Do you keep them close by your side? That is where the Love First, Love Most dance starts.

Why do I fail the test? Ignorance and Blindness.

My previous failed tests have been clearly marked. There is no need for scientific study, humanities survey, or philosophical literature to determine the cause.

My critique or disinterest of the personality and performance of others is based solely on self-infatuation with my imaginary world of Not, which leaves me ignorant and blind to the magnificent beauty of the other person.

In love, Ignorance is not bliss and Blindness is not becoming.

Failed tests get recycled. When we do not love others, we get to take the test again. It should be easier next time; but, in fact, our imaginary world of Not makes it more difficult.

Why does that other person keep testing your love and patience and kindness and forgiveness? The tests are recycled. God does not have you on a snipe hunt. The people you encounter are part of God’s test for the day.

God lives in you to lead you to others He intends to love through you. Yes! That person. You know who they are. Mr. Difficult. Miss Different. Mrs. Debate everything. The Expert. The Entertainer. The Executioner.

Take a good, long look at the people around you. Study their eyes. According to the #1 Textbook, that person is God’s masterpiece. If you failed to love them first and most, take the test again.

Recycled Tests. Get out the blue book.

1. Where are you?

Correct Answer: Side by Side with God for my good.

2. Where is the other person?

Correct Answer: Side by Side with me for their good.

3. How do you experience lasting happiness?

Correct Answer: Love First and Love Most.

4. Identify and describe the masterpiece you intend to love first and love most.

LOVE IS NOT BLIND. IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS.

How is lasting happiness tested by God’s question, “Where are you?”

Stay side by side with God for your good. (next session)

Love Anchor 1: Remember the most important thing in life. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength; and love others as yourself.

Love Anchor 2: Love First. Love Most. God lives inside of you to lead you to others He intends to love through you.

Love Anchor 3: Study #1 Textbook. Love for God and love for others lasts forever. The instructions and directions are in the book.

Love Anchor 4: Right Direction Matters. Life is about right direction, not perfection. Course corrections take just one step.