LOVE FIRST…LOVE MOST

WINSDAY WISDOM 225

Seventeen. Do you remember? For some of us, it was a very long time ago. Life was simple yet becoming more complex. We were a blend of naivety and guilt. We were no longer kids and not yet as grown up as we might hope to become.

Frank Sinatra sang reflectively, “When I was seventeen, it was a very good year.” Diana Ross and The Supremes could get you dancing to their harmonious sounds, “He’s Seventeen and he loves me.” But it was Paul McCartney and John Lennon who sang on my radio the Beatles’ hit, I Saw Her Standing There.

She was just seventeen, and you know what I mean                                                           

And the way she looked was way beyond compare                                                                 

So how could I dance with another?                                                                                       

Oh, when I saw her standing there.

Some years went by, but I was not too old to rock to ABBA’s upbeat Dancing Queen.

You were the dancing queen,                                                                                             

Young and sweet, only seventeen.

For you, the younger set (the rest of you), Avril Lavigne’s 17 nostalgically recalls:

Those days are long gone,                                                                                                       

But when I hear that song                                                                                                            

It takes me back.

Janis Ian won a Grammy for the saddest, feeling unloved At Seventeen, song of all.

I learned the truth at seventeen                                                                                              

That love was meant for beauty queens.

Well, this Winsday is about the sadness, not the singing, that comes with being seventeen.

Did you have some sad moments at seventeen? I imagine everyone did. I am certain your sad seventeen experiences were worse than mine. Some might have been tragic. I’m sorry.

Sadness is relative. My worst seventeen moments were losing the football playoff game in the fall following the spring playoff loss in basketball. A blocked punt interrupted our undefeated pigskin season. I cried. No, I sobbed uncontrollably for twenty minutes. The sadness remained for four days until our first basketball game.

As to the previous season’s basketball loss, I just teared up. It was sad at seventeen. it did not help to hear a hometown businessman say to my dad, the basketball coach, in my presence, “If Rex had made that free throw, you still might have won the game.” (Ouch! Thank you very much for that observation.)

At seventeen, a girl broke my heart for about the tenth time (It was the same girl). Appropriately, that was about the time the Beatles released their Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album.

The last episode of the four-year-long TV series, The Fugitive, made Tuesday nights less enjoyable. The Graduate movie did not make me aspire to the sad, meaningless future of Dustin Hoffman’s character. Even the iconic closing scene of true love rescued was haunted by the slow guitar acoustics of The Sound of Silence.

Hello darkness, my old friend.

I’ve come to talk to you again

With the sound of silence (Paul Simon & Garfunkel)

I did not escape on a bus with a pretty girl, but I ran out of gas twice in two weeks. Thus, the famous dad quote, “Son, it costs the same to fill up the top half as it does the bottom of the tank.” The sound in the background was my mom’s opinion. It was not the sound of silence.

Sadness is relative.

Obviously, I did not have a rough seventeenth year. I know of others whose trauma involved family divorce, car wrecks, death of loved ones, paralysis, and other life-changing events. For them, seventeen was a horrible year. For others, it might be remembered as one of the best years. Whatever seventeen was like, it can never be redone. Hopefully, you have grown stronger over the years.

Recently, I posted about the trauma and hope of Joseph, recorded in the last chapters of Genesis (Genesis 37-50). My thoughts keep returning to his story that highlights the steadfast love, great wisdom, and providential purpose of God to use his life to love others (even his enemies) first and most.

Maybe you can benefit from the lessons of sadness at seventeen or whatever year sits at the top of your crying mountain.

For Joseph, the tragedy burst into sadness at seventeen on the day his brothers threw him into a deep pit and sold him into slavery, headed for a foreign land.

The eleventh of twelve sons, Joseph was his father’s favorite. That made him the object of his brothers’ hatred. At the age of seventeen, his father sent him to check on the welfare of his brothers who were shepherding the family’s sheep. Jacob, the father, had not been a very good role model for his sons. He was a liar, cheat, and thief. The great “trickster” even wrestled with God.

How does God forgive, change, and use a man like that? God gave”the deceiver” Jacob the new name, Israel, “the prince who struggled with God.” The lying and fearful Abraham would be called “the friend of God” and the adulterous, murdering, David, “a man after God’s own heart.” Surely, there is hope for us.

Joseph left his father’s hug and home with no thoughts that he would never see them again. This little errand would have a twenty-year hiatus of no hope for a reunion.

Joseph left home in search for his brothers and their flocks. They were not where he expected. He inquired of a man who said they had moved on to Dothan. He walked and wandered in search of them, filled with thoughts of his dreams.

He had no idea what was about to occur that would lead to the fulfillment of his dreams. Sometimes that journey begins with sadness. In Joseph’s case, sadness at seventeen.

When Joseph found his brothers, they were not happy to see him. The brothers saw him at a distance, headed their way dressed in that unique multi-colored coat given to him by their father. This was not the cool Fonz arriving on his motorcycle in a black leather jacket. And it was definitely not Happy Days for Joseph.

The brothers shrugged and sarcastically said, “Here comes the dreamer.” They did not greet this seventeen-year-old with hugs or high-fives or even cold shoulders. Instead, the brothers planned to “kill him” and lie about it to their father. They could blame it on an accident or wild animal attack.

They hated Joseph. You might have had some haters at seventeen. I did. Others who are jealous of you, maybe for no good reason. Perhaps, some group gossiped about you or ostracized you. Were there people who said bad things about you or wished bad things would happen to you?

I am not trying to stir up bad memories. There is a point to revisiting sad times, even if they were not from your seventeenth year.

Rejection hurts at any age, but that sadness at seventeen can have long-lasting effects. It did for Joseph.

Upon his arrival, his brothers tore off his beautiful coat, tied up Joesph, and threw him into a deep pit to let him die a slow death in the sound of silence. There was no food, no water, no way out. He was abandoned to die of dehydration, starvation, or wild beast attack.

That is reason for some legitimate big-time seventeen sadness. There would be no phone call to a father for help. His mother had died years ago. There was no friend to call or Lean On.

Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain

We all have sorrow

We all need somebody to lean on. (Lean on Me by Bill Withers)

His brother, Reuben, who was no angel when Joseph was seventeen, hoped to secretly rescue him. That did not prevent the sadness Joseph felt as he sat in that darkened pit. He was hated and abused, misjudged and mistreated. He was alone with no help on the horizon.

The brothers piled on the sadness at seventeen. The ones who had just acted to get rid of their younger brother forever, sat down to enjoy the food Jospeh delivered as if nothing sad had happened.

Joseph was seventeen and felt his life and dreams were shattered. Have you been in a similar pit and time?

Can you see what Joseph could not see at seventeen? It’s probably similar to what you could not see at seventeen.  God was “working all things out for your good” (Romans 8:28). How can that be? Isn’t that what we ask in our sadness?

At that moment, some traveling Midianites passed by on their way to Egypt. Why them? Why now? Why does brother Judah suggest they make “a few shekels” of profit by selling the younger brother they wanted dead?

This is right out of the movie scripts for A Fistful of Dollars or The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. What can they gain out of their jealousy, hatred, and bad deeds? Here is the opportunity to sell Joseph for twenty shekels of silver and send him away forever.

Two shekels apiece. No one loved first or loved most. Why? Selfishness. Love was not as valued as two silver coins. Joseph’s sadness was off the charts. The brothers saw he was distressed as he pleaded for his life and then begged them not to send him away into slavery.

Joseph cried. Bound and broken. Joseph cried more. No family and no home. Joseph cried some more. Bitter pills and shattered dreams. Cry me a bucket, Joseph. No one cares.

Where was God when Joseph was seventeen? God was orchestrating all the people and circumstances to get seventeen-year-old Joseph to where he needed to be to impact this world for good.

Joseph involuntarily left everything he knew and loved, bound for a life he never dreamed so that he would be where he would live the life of his dreams. Sadness at Seventeen, do you know what I mean?

There is no jealousy, no hatred, no rejection, no deep pit, no transfer to another place that can stop the blessings God has in store for you. Nothing and no one can hinder, hold back, or sidetrack God’s plans. Every sadness, no matter what year in life, guides us to future blessings and happiness and, ultimately, where there will never be sadness again.

How did Joseph get through his seventeen sadness? He never forgot it. He learned to trust God and accept it as part of the process of growing up.

“God turned into good what others meant for evil… my good and the good of many others. God brought me to the place I am today” (Genesis 50:20).

GOD ALWAYS KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE (even at seventeen), WHERE YOU NEED TO BE, HOW AND WHEN TO GET YOU TO YOUR PLACE OF GREATER HAPPINESS AND USEFULNESS. ALWAYS.

It just happened Joseph was born a dreamer. It just happened he ended up in the pit, the prison, and the palace. It just happened…Or did it?

“You do not have to worry like the other seventeen-year-olds and the rest of the self-centered world. There is no bird left without food, and there is no sparrow that falls to the ground without God watching over it. There is no flower in the field not beautifully clothed. You are of far more value than all these. Do not live in the sadness of seventeen or worry about tomorrow. Live one day at a time. God will take care of you…Always and Forever” (Matthew 6).

Joseph trusted God when his life was in the pits, in prison, and in the palace. You can too.

Maybe you are going through some Seventeen Sadness at another age right now. Trust God for what you cannot see at the moment.

You fearful saints, fresh courage take                                                                                 

The clouds you so much dread                                                                                                 

Are big with mercy, and soon shall break                                              

In blessings on your head                                                                                                         

(Light Shining Out of Darkness by William Cowper)

Can you sing with the Psalmist? “I would have despaired and given up in this life, except I believed I would still see the goodness of the Lord” (Psalm 27:13).

I had some moments of sadness at seventeen and more in the passing years…”But surely goodness and mercy have followed me all the days of my life and I will live in the house of the Lord forever” (Psalm 23:6).

Sadness at Seventeen. An eternity of happiness and love awaiting me.

“The center of God’s will may be for us the very eye of the storm” (Alistair Begg).

All your heartaches and hopes are orchestrated by God into the beautiful symphony of your blessed life. God means it all for good.

Come on Dancing Queen or Saturday Night Fever Guy. So what, that you are no longer seventeen?

Dance with the One who loves you first and most. How can you dance with another?

WINSDAY WISDOM 225

Legendary college basketball coach Jim Valvano spoke to the ESPY audience about courage as he was dying with cancer. “To me there are three things everyone should do every day. Number one is laugh. Number two is think — spend some time in thought. Number three, you should have your emotions move you to tears. If you laugh, think and cry, that’s a heck of a day.”

My goal for Winsday Wisdom is to encourage those three emotions as we learn to Love First and Love Most. Football season is starting again, so here is a brief video to help you laugh, think, and maybe cry.

Play the video.

WINSDAY WISDOM 224

Are you ever frustrated and worried that your performance must reach some perfect standard to feel good about yourself or to receive the approval of others? I recently experienced the frustrations of walking a dog in a direction where she did not want to go. It was a struggle pulling on the leash with a constant stream of commands to “Stop! Come back! Don’t do that!”

Do you live your life like someone tied to the leash of someone’s expectations? Maybe your spiritual performance suffers from a leash of commands to “do this” and “don’t do that.” That only sets you up for numerous and epic performance treadmill falls.

God walks with us with love, not a leash. Your spiritual life is about a relationship, not performance. It is about direction, not perfection.

God says, I have loved you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).

Jerry Bridges wrote in his book, Transforming Grace, “My observation of Christendom is that most of us tend to base our personal relationship with God on our performance instead of on His grace. If we’ve performed well—whatever “well” is in our opinion—then we expect God to bless us. If we haven’t done so well, our expectations are reduced accordingly. In this sense, we live by works rather than grace. We are saved by grace, but we are living by the “sweat” of our own performance.“

Are you still “sweating it out” on the performance treadmill? I urge you to take a moment and consider a question worthy of your contemplation.

Who can separate you from the everlasting love of God? Let’s think about that.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39).

There is no better description of this beautiful breathtaking horizon than the all-encompassing, biggest, most powerful, and most feared “performance separators” in this list, all eclipsed and conquered by God’s love for you.

1. Death. This is the big one. Death is final. It cuts you off from this earthly journey. However, the same ship responsible for the departure from all you have known carries you to the arrival dock where all your hopes are reality. Death can never separate you from God’s love.

• Life. There are many separators in life. Gender, race, religion, nationality, age. Health and wealth or the lack thereof are bitter dividers. Critics and complainers can feel like monster scissors cutting you into tiny pieces. War tears nations and families apart. But God never takes a break from your life’s journey. He never glances away or forgets a need. There is nothing in life which can separate you from God’s love.

• Angels and demons. These are the most powerful “unseen” things operating in both the physical and spiritual realms. They are more powerful than you but not more powerful than God’s love from which they can never separate you.

• Time. Things present or future might fill your mind with fear, worry, and anxiety. Time will eventually unveil “seen” troubles and “unforeseen” problems. God’s love for you is everlasting. It has no time constraints. Nothing from eternity past to eternity future can ever separate you from God’s timeless love.

• Spiritual powers. The enemy uses supernatural powers to execute his well-designed and proven effective plans to chain many to a lifelong journey on the performance treadmill. These powers breed doubts and raise questions, but they are powerless against the almighty truths of God’s Word. All the enemy can really do is to use those supernatural powers to get you to embrace the lie that “God is not good enough to you.”

That was the lie presented to Adam and Eve. That was the issue in Job’s story. That was Naomi’s bitterness and Ruth’s dilemma. That was Jeremiah’s lament. But God is good enough. Infinitely, incomparably, incredibly, inconceivably good enough! Oh, what a God! God accepts you unconditionally and loves you endlessly. God wants you to know and live your life based on the truth that nothing, not even something supernatural can ever separate you from His steadfast love.

• Space. Height and depth are effective separators. Some things can be placed too high out of your reach or buried so low you cannot dig them up, but they are not too high or too deep for God. God’s love swallows up space faster than the speed of light. The highest heaven, the widest distance, and the lowest depth are not beyond the circumference of God’s love. God’s love for you is higher, wider, deeper, and bigger than anyplace you will be in life and eternity. There is no space empty of God’s love for you.

• Anything else in all of creation. Just in case someone thinks God might have forgotten something or somewhere or sometime, God throws this into the mix. God is not ignorant or unacquainted with anything that exists. He created it all. If the astronomers discover another galaxy or gravitational waves rippling through the fabric of space-time or even another universe somewhere, God created it. God told us He created all of it for our good, so none of it will ever separate us from the goodness of God’s love.

Oh yeah, what about yourself? What if you decide you want a separation? The last time I checked, you and I still fall under the category of created things and no created thing will ever separate us from the love of Christ. That includes all the bad people and bad things. It encompasses all your decisions, both right and wrong.

Sometimes you might struggle with doubts. Doubting is not a sin; it’s a place on the road of faith where you are faced with a decision whether to believe this world’s lie about your circumstances and how you are not good enough or you embrace the truth of God’s Word regarding God’s unconditional love and acceptance that is always more than good enough.

It is essential that we learn to think right. The only way to think right is to saturate our minds with Scriptural truths. If we peel away the layers of the onion, at the root of insecurity and feelings of worthlessness we would find Satan attempting to convince us that we are unworthy with thoughts that our sins are too great, and others appear more righteous. And then the struggle begins. We spiral down mentally and emotionally. To salvage ourselves “we begin to do better.” We return to the performance treadmill. It’s time to get off.

You are greatly and marvelously loved. Why? Because God’s love is good enough.

God’s love for you is unconditional, unchanging, unfailing, and unlimited. God’s love does not change according to your proximity to perfection. If you do well, God does not love you more and if you do poorly, God never loves you less.

God loves you based on who He is. Have you been controlled all your life by what other people think about you or what they expect from you or how they respond to you? There is a solution to that. You can be controlled by the love of Someone who loves you unconditionally, with an unchanging, unlimited, longsuffering, long-lasting love regardless of your performance. God promised to love you forever even when He already knew the worst about you. Each of us needs to learn that. Preach to yourself. Sing it to your soul.

Nothing can separate you from that love. Nothing. That’s it. That is all that needs to be said, all that needs to be known. This truth changes how you live and how you love. It changes how you look at other people and how you treat them.

You are unconditionally accepted. No one has God’s right to judge you, and nothing has the power to make God stop loving you. No one. Nothing. Not even you with all your self-doubts and low esteem. Place your hope in God, not in “doing your best” or “trying harder.”

God has rescued many persons exhausted from the never-ending exercise of trying to be good enough to please everyone. Cut the puppet strings. Trash the comparison checklists. Shake off the self-doubts. Get off the performance treadmill.

Do not marginalize the perfection and sufficiency of God’s love for you. You are fully and unconditionally loved and accepted because of one magnificent reason. GOD’S LOVE IS MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH. I pray this glorious truth will rise up from the deepest part of your heart to fill your life with hope. When you are not good enough, God’s love for you is still more than good enough.

Put away the measuring tape for you and your children. Performance competition breeds envy, disappointment, and discontentment. Comparison shopping will rob you of joy. If necessary, stay away from social media and its “thoughtless, insensitive comments.”

The things that worry and discourage you today will not matter in twenty years. Most will not matter tomorrow.

God alone determines your identity and value. Do not be enslaved to the whims of others’ opinions. Your importance does not depend upon how many “Likes” your Facebook picture attracts or how many follow or unfollow your Tweets. Do not diminish the significance of God’s love by climbing back on your performance treadmill or crawling back into your suffocating hole of solitary silence.

There is no greater love! God loves you to the max; He will never love you less!

Enjoy being loved by a great love that cannot be separated by life, death, time, space, unseen things, spiritual powers, or any other created thing.

When it comes to any performance test, God is more than good enough!

I hear you. You are welcome. Let’s go love someone first and most!

WINSDAY WISDOM 223

What should you do if you feel you are never good enough? Do you get back on that performance treadmill and turn up the speed or do you just discount its value in a garage sale and quit life altogether?

[This Winsday is primarily directed to women, but it is also very helpful to men who run on that performance treadmill or live with a wife or daughter who does.]

Do you feel as if you never perform to the level of others’ expectations? Do you feel as if you cannot forgive yourself for where you have faltered, fallen, or failed?

Many of us have been controlled all our lives by what other people think about us or what others expect from us or how others respond to us. Do you feel that way? Do you struggle with feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, insignificance, worthlessness, or inability to forgive yourself?

Do you sense the pressure to perform to some social standard or media ideal, seeing yourself as some society- made puppet in the hands of string-masters being compelled to perform to please different audiences? Do you battle with feelings of fear that your worth is attached to your “performance” measuring up to others’ expectations?

The young and not so young fret over Facebook likes and social media comments. While many are posting their latest “selfie”, some feel left out, overlooked, and unwanted. They become plagued with stress and anxiety over what others might think about their child’s birthday party or daughter’s wedding, their size or hairstyle, their fashion choices or career decision regarding what is best for their family. We all long to feel accepted, valued, and loved for who we are and not what we accomplish or do not accomplish.

Women can feel insecure living in a disposable world of paper plates, plastic bottles, fast food utensils, disposable diapers, discarded marriages, and throwaway fetuses. The landscape is covered with things and people that are no longer wanted, just used, and tossed aside, so someone can get something new.

Behind the pleasantries and canned answers at church or work lies the hidden pain of insecurity. Some laugh the loudest in a crowd and then go home and cry themselves to sleep. The self-doubting performer will smile the brightest in public and then race home to stare at the blank walls, gripped in a deadly silence of perceived disapproval. Or they just exist—part of the wounded society searching in self-help books to shake the self-appointed title of “total failure.”

Many people struggle to embrace God’s unconditional acceptance which is not based on their performance level. They become entangled in a vicious cycle, sometimes starting as a young child or teenager, trying to please others while feeling or being made to feel that they never match up. They often battle low self-esteem, insecurity, and even despair when God’s Word promises freedom from trying to please others.

There will always be someone close to you whose mission in life seems to be pointing out your flaws and faults. They act like the mother-in-law, Marie, on the Everybody Loves Raymond sit-com. They are judgmental and intrusive. They might even start the conversation with praise; however, they just have to mention that one wrong note, that one missed spot, or that one better way to cook. They envision themselves as experts on everything regarding weight loss and flower beds and raising children.

Ouch! They just have a way of calling attention to imperfections in your parenting skills or worse, in your children. Your heart races, your throat constricts, and your stomach churns. You want to strangle them or at least scream at them to get a life! (Ooops! This is a Love First and Most post.)

Instead, you go home and cry. Your tears run down your cheeks like unlovely rivers of imperfection. Some days you cannot even do the mad or sad thing right. Whatever they say or however they communicate their opinions, they only remind you of what you already fear, not being good enough.

What should you do if you feel you are never good enough?

God says you do not have to be perfect to be loved. God loves and accepts you just as you are. He assures you that nothing can ever separate you from His love (Romans 8:35-39). God prefers you running into His arms of love, not plodding along on some performance treadmill.

Does that sound strange to you? Unbelievable? Unconditional love and acceptance might go against the way you were raised. That concept certainly counters our cultural expectations.                   

BUT GOD leaps to the limits of language to express His unlimited love for you even when you fall and fail. Here is the good news.

ON THE CROSS, GOD PLACED ALL YOUR PERFORMANCE TREADMILL SHORTCOMINGS AND FAILURES ON JESUS. They are now buried in the depths of the sea, never to return.

GOD PLACED THE PERFECT AND EVERLASTING PERFORMANCE OF JESUS INTO YOUR ACCOUNT. No one in heaven will ever condemn. For any other opinions (including your own), send them to the cross for an explanation.

You may not see that right now. You might not feel that way or think that or hear that from others; but it is true. You need to listen to the right voice, the only one whose opinion matters.

Since God is for you, who can be against you? Who condemns you? Certainly not God. What can separate you from the love of Christ? Absolutely nothing (Romans 8:33-35).

Perfection or comparison to others has never been the right standard. Just be the best version of yourself, even if that is a lifelong process.

You were never supposed to be like everyone else. You are not a puppet on a string performing for the culture and times you live in. God made you unique. God designed you specifically to fit into your family and into the lives of those linked by the circumstances.

What pleases God? Faith (Hebrews 11:6). When you do not feel good enough, trust God’s love to be good enough for you.

When others walk away, love stays. When others quit, love goes on. When others complain, love accepts. When others come to the end of their giving, love has just begun. Love does what it does not have to do.

Love fills up life with divine conjunctions and new horizons. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He has loved us…made us alive in Christ. He saved us (Ephesians 2:4). This gift was not deserved and certainly not earned by some performance treadmill test. It was solely the result of God’s grace.

When the skies of your life darken and the mood ring dims, it is vital to remember the truth. Take refuge under the shelter of its wings. You will find no performance treadmill anywhere around.

There are no measurements to match or tests to pass or comparisons to supersede. United to Jesus Christ, you are fully and forever accepted. Period. Done. Never to be changed. You will never need to ask, “How much is enough?” God’s love for you will always be good enough.

Do not marginalize the perfection and sufficiency of God’s love for you. You are fully and unconditionally loved and accepted because of one magnificent reason.

GOD’S LOVE IS ALWAYS MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH!

Spend some time in the arms of the One who loves you first and most. God will keep on loving you without judging your performance.

NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU STUMBLE ON THE PERFORMANCE TREADMILL, GOD WILL NEVER LOVE YOU LESS!

Preach that to yourself and share with someone you love who is still struggling on the performance treadmill.

NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU STUMBLE ON THE PERFORMANCE TREADMILL, GOD WILL NEVER LOVE YOU LESS!

The Lord delights in those who place their hope in His unfailing love (Psalm 147:11).

I pray the Lord will help all of us to hope in His unfailing love and to love others struggling on the performance treadmill with that same kind of non-critical, unfailing love.

MORE TO COME…

Do you have someone who does not like you? Maybe they hate you or have hurt you? Have they become an enemy by choice…theirs, yours, or mutual?

Can you ever forgive them? Will you forgive them? How? When? Why?

God’s Word teaches us that when a tree falls, it cannot be undone. If it falls to the south, it fell to the south. If the tree falls to the north, it fell to the north. The Bible is not giving a lesson about falling trees or a lecture on forestry. This is an illustration about life. Once the tree falls, there is no profit in questioning what if it fell in a different direction.

When something happens in your life outside of your control, there is no benefit to you or to anyone else to complain and moan and grieve over what might have been. There is no advantage to spending your thoughts on what if a certain thing had not happened the way it did. If the cut tree has fallen, it is down. It can never be put back in place the way it was or the way you would want it to be.

There are two options in your response to where the tree fell. You can get angry about it, but it will never change what happened. Or you can forgive and figure out how to make the best of an undesired situation. A response of unforgiveness can do more damage than where “the unforgiven tree” fell.

The #1 Textbook never discounts the hurt in a life’s story; it just highlights the theme of forgiveness in every chapter. Forgiveness is not an acknowledgment that what the other person said or did was “ok.” Neither does forgiveness make the other person instantaneously “likeable.” That person might never become your BFF.

Forgiveness frees the other person from our resentment and revenge. More importantly, it frees us from the control of an unforgiving heart.

Every day and in almost every way, forgiveness is the last hurdle for loving others. “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely ideal until they have something to forgive.” (C. S. Lewis)

We usually choose cold hatred that ends up with emotional execution of the enemy. The relationship is over. The only matter left to be determined is the cost of the severance.

I was the pastor at a new church where many of the people considered me their enemy. God thought this was the perfect place and people to teach me how to better practice what I preached.

“But God, being rich in mercy loved us because of His great love while we were still enemies to showcase the immeasurable riches of His goodness to us.” Then God told us “love your enemies.” (#1 Textbook).

God loved us first and most with extraordinary forgiveness and extravagant goodness.

Forgiveness is a divine act. God lives in us to lead us to others He intends to forgive through us.

Love forgives first and love forgives most. It eliminates the offense from the recycle setting in one’s mind and it releases the offender from any and all retribution. Clean record. No grudges. No bitterness. Love is the first to set aside every difference and all divisions.

Forgiveness treats the enemy as if they never hurt or hated you, even when they still do.

What? That’s impossible! Why would we want to let the other person off the hook without the hate of revenge and the hurt of retribution.

Why forgive? How do we forgive? What does forgiveness accomplish?

Why forgive? None of us likes to forgive. We prefer to rehearse the harm done to us rather than release it to God through forgiveness. We fail to see the self-inflicted damage caused by our unforgiveness.

None of us is perfect. We all need forgiveness. We all need to give forgiveness for there to be peace and harmony with others, and to soften our own hearts.

Most problems in life deal with the issue of forgiveness, some from the personal guilt of needing forgiveness, but primarily from blaming others we refuse to forgive.

We forgive others because it is the right thing to do. Who says? God does. It is repeated many times in the #1 Textbook.

An act of social media rage can unleash a torrential flood-like response of anger and hate. Rehearse and Curse. Rebuttals. Grievances. Suspicions. Rants. Name calling. Block. Distance. Revenge. Vendetta. War. Enemies forever.

We all embrace the tendency to build dividing walls of hostility for those we choose to dislike or disagree.

Forgiveness is the litmus test of love, the missing piece of the puzzle in most relationships. Construction of a jigsaw puzzle with pieces missing can be extremely frustrating. The process is enormously difficult, if not impossible. Like working a jigsaw puzzle, forgiveness is a process. The sooner you start, the better the result.

The power to forgive others comes directly from God’s love for you. We are to forgive others in the same manner and for the same reason God has forgiven us and continues to forgive us—to sense the greatness and goodness of His love.

How do we do it? Be the FIRST to trash the negative attitude and feelings. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malicious hatred” (#1 Textbook).

Then, love MOST by inserting the positive actions into the relationship. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as God forgave you for Christ’s sake” (#1 Textbook).

Our purpose in life is to live and love like Jesus. “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” (C.S. Lewis)

Love Isn’t Easy (But It Sure Is Hard Enough) was an Abba song from the ’70s. The dance movements of loving an enemy are sometimes easy and sometimes hard.

Easy because dancing with an enemy has the same purpose and same direction with the same steps. Love First. Love Most.

Easy because God gives you the power to love and forgive.

Hard because the dance takes place on a battlefield.

Hard because uncooperative partners are more difficult.

Forgiveness of enemies is extremely challenging, but not impossible, because God lives in you to love your enemy through you.

The love movement needed first and most is forgiveness, the hardest part of the love dance.

Real enemies force love to go to higher and harder levels. Our enemies start on our permanent “never forgive” list, which also contains the secret codes for an emotional nuclear launch. Enemies, inside and outside the home, throw hurtful and hateful words around like hand grenades. Their actions hit the heart with the destructive force of a cruise missile.

We want the enemy to know how badly he or she has hurt us. Hey! The whole world needs to know. So, we carry around our burden of bitterness toward them as if it were chained to our soul. Some keep enemies on a watch list of unforgiveable persons, like the man who proudly showed me his “get-even” black book.

“Love keeps no record of wrongs…Love always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (#1 Textbook).

It is time to trash your “get-even” book. It is time to give your “hurt list” to God and nail it to the cross where all offenses are forgiven. Free up your mind and heart.

Be kind. Tenderhearted. Forgiving. Be loving.

Be more sympathetic and more supportive.

Do not debate, judge, or condemn. Arguments do not change people; the power of transformation is in a kind word of loving forgiveness.

If the relationship tree has fallen, the damage is done. Do not make it worse. It does not matter who is to blame. Make the best of the undesired situation.

Love forgives First. Love forgives Most. Forgiveness is free, full, and forever.

What does forgiveness accomplish?

Forgiveness might not change the other person’s behavior, but it will free your heart and your happiness. It pours out the love of Christ on someone who needs it.

Unforgiveness of enemies always hurts you the most. “Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die” (Joanna Weaver).

Bitterness poisons our pain. It is never an antidote to the hurt; it only increases the damage. It cripples you emotionally. It negatively affects every other relationship.

Anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness are roadblocks to joy. Those imprisoned emotions only shrink the heart and chain life to the past. If you are bitter, admit it to God. He already knows. Ask God to heal the memories and ease the pain of the past.

Upon release from twenty-seven years of incarceration during the racial civil war in South Africa, Nelson Mandela spoke a much-needed reminder to each of us. “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

Do not allow some wall or prison to be your excuse. Bridges of love are far better than the dividing walls of enmity.

NOT GOING TO SUGARCOAT THIS: FORGIVENESS IS ALWAYS UNDESERVED. FORGIVENESS IS ALWAYS UNLIMITED, SO DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW MANY TIMES YOU MUST FORGIVE (#1 Textbook).

TO OVERLOOK, LOOK PAST, OR SET ASIDE THE HURTS DONE TO YOU BY OTHERS IS NOT EASY. TO LOVE AN ENEMY WITHOUT RESENTMENT, REVENGE, OR REPAYMENT WILL ALWAYS BE HARD, HUMBLING, AND COSTLY TO YOU.

However, the worth of lasting happiness far outweighs the cost.

You never show God’s love more than when you forgive the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness is a process. You probably need to get started. Forgive someone today. Begin with the hardest one to forgive. That person who hurt you deeply might be part of your family. Forgive them. God will help you.

Sometimes an easy love can become so hard. But it can be so right…so beautiful…so freeing…so joyful.

WINSDAY WISDOM REWIND 7: LET THEM EAT CAKE!

I stood in the corner alone as the short, elderly lady walked toward me with a piece of cake. This was a celebration party, but I was neither the one celebrating or being celebrated. I was hated.

Hated. Not like in the cultural world of social media where dislike buttons connect with spiteful memes or hurtful tweets. Not like closer to home where an angry child yells his disapproval of a parental decision. Not like a movie review or a political rant or a protest slogan.

Hated. Like the Arab Muslims and Jews. Like the Ukranians and Russians. Like the Hatfields and the McCoys. Like the Packers and Bears. Like Will Smith and Chris Rock. Like social media on steroids in a politically charged pandemic.

As the woman in the pink dress slowly strolled across the fellowship hall, our eyes met. Anxiety and anticipation had a domino effect which worsened and intensified as most of the crowd turned to watch this latest episode of Cake Wars. Why would she so graciously offer the elephant in the room a piece of cake?

She stopped in front of me, reached for my elbow, extended my arm, and opened my hand. Then she smiled as she placed the chocolate fudge cake inside my palm and closed my hand around it.

Was this act strategically planned or a spontaneous improvisation? Was it a reprisal of her portrayal of the Wicked Witch of the West? Apparently, she enjoyed her role and so did the audience. As the cake squished through my fingers, she patted me on the shoulder and asked if I liked cake.

Something happened in that moment which defied normalcy. With a slight wave from my dry hand and a nod of acknowledgment to the concerned onlookers, I whispered to the cake lady, “Thank you. I guess I needed that.”

She huffed and returned to the laughter of her proud crowd of onlookers who pressed her for encore reenactments of my stunned reaction.

I turned for the back door, dropped the cake into the trash can, found a paper towel, and slowly exited the room. I passed the stunned faces of my secretary and her husband who expressed their remorse for the incident. Elvis has left the building!

Fortunately, I did not make the situation worse with some angry remark or stupid reaction. It was even a greater blessing that my wife left for home earlier in the day to be with my parents, in town for a celebration with my favorite birthday cake. I remembered my wife’s instructions not to eat cake at the church event, but no restrictions were in place regarding wearing cake on my hands and clothes.

I resolved not to tell my wife or parents about the earlier events of the evening for fear my dad and my wife would be at the lady’s door waiting for her arrival. It would not have been a pretty sight.

Let them eat cake! The phrase is often attributed to Marie Antoinette, the last Queen of France before its Revolution. When she received the report that the impoverished people were starving because of lack of bread, her callous cold-hearted comment was, “Let them eat cake!”

The peasants reply to the out-of-touch, aristocratic royalty was, “Off with her head!”

Can you envision the two sides facing off in a stadium setting in a battle of competing slogans? Let them eat Cake! Off with her head! Let them eat cake! Off with her head!

I guess the Queen ate cake before she was carted off to the guillotine.

Presently, the flippant expression, “Let them eat cake!” is used to deny concern for someone’s problems, similar to saying, “I don’t care about what happens to those people.”

Let them eat cake! That is what I wanted to say that night, but the potential cake-eaters would not have understood the context. Besides, I had plenty of easily understandable words running through my mind. Thankfully, the Lord controlled my tongue!

I was four months into a new pastorate in a different state. The church had been without a pastor for over two years. The transition to my tenure did not go well. The complaint box was filled to overflowing. The gripe and grumble waiting line to the office extended out into the hall.

The very first day on the job included a visit from a woman I did not know. She delivered a handwritten list of five disappointments in my leadership, my one-day leadership. If she had just waited to get to know me, she could have filled a notebook.

Just for the record, how much does someone have to hate to say something before they actually do not say it? When people cannot say something kind, it would be nice if they had the decency to be vague.

I am far from perfect, but I had been very happy and blessed with loving and supportive parishioners in my previous pastoral ministries. At least, they were never mean to me or my family.

There were many kind and wonderful people in this new church, future lifelong friends. Their big hearts overflowed with love for God and my family. While they loved, others hated. The “cake incident” was only the tip of the iceberg. The early months played out in new physical, emotional, and spiritual territory for us. It was the House of Horrors.

The boring short version of the lowlights included people in positions of influence angrily leaving the church. A petition was circulated to fire me. It quickly collected enough signatures to carry the majority in the next business meeting vote. Disgruntled choir members loudly mocked me in song behind my back during the worship music. “Look how holy he is. He doesn’t even need a hymnal to sing the words. I heard he will be fired.”

Anonymous hate letters included various fonts and four-lettered words. The local chapter of the KKK felt the need to send their greetings. There was a handful of late-night calls with death threats to my wife and children. No kidding. No exaggeration.

From my perspective, the problem was deeply rooted in my desire for the church to express love for others in an inclusive manner regardless of racial, social, or cultural differences. I underestimated the history behind those challenges.

From the perspective of the disgruntled, the cause centered on dislike of my leadership and the grievances became innumerable. I was not what they were used to in the past and not what they wanted for the future. I understood that. Unfortunately, longtime friendships were hurt by the divisiveness. My heart ached over that. Two years prior to my pastorate, I told the search committee I thought the church was divided. My arrival just burst the blister.

“All conflict is caused by unmet or unrealistic expectations” (#1 Textbook).

Sometimes we do not give love a chance. Sometimes we do not give enough effort to understand the other person. Sometimes our hurt becomes hate. Lies, accusations, and rumors swept through the membership list like a wildfire.

There were days my life felt like the statue for the pigeons at the county courthouse.

A woman screamed at me in WalMart that I ruined her life, and a man chose the church parking lot to yell his expletive version of “Off with your head.” None of that was as frightening as the bullet that crashed through our patio glass door near where my toddler son was playing. (I think they were shooting at the dog).

One Sunday as I stood in the pulpit to teach God’s Word, more than half of the congregation rose to their feet in a mass protest exodus.

There you have it in a nutshell. Why is all this a session in Winsday Wisdom?

I sat in my upstairs office alone, dismayed, and unhappy. There was a pity party going on, just no cake. I stared at the ceiling. I buried my head into my hands. My cries were muffled.

Then I looked out the window and shouted out to no one there, “Why is this happening to me? Why? Why?”

God was there and God cared. His words were audible to my heart. This time His voice sounded like my lawyer friend in a closing argument to a befuddled jury.

“You told Me you wanted to be more like Jesus. Well, Jesus loved His enemies, so I gave you some real enemies. These people hate you; so, learn to love them.”

That was my “wake up and smell the roses” moment. I had forgotten the most important thing in life. Love God and Love Others.

I failed to pay attention to the directions in my #1 Textbook.

LOVE YOUR ENEMIES, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you (#1 Textbook).

As I sat in my study bemoaning my misfortune inflicted by the hatred of enemies, I needed to be reminded of the most important thing in life. We love God by loving others, especially enemies.

It is an amazing thing when you pay attention to your purpose in life. It affects mood and motivation. It sharpens focus and strengthens faith.

This I call to mind (pay attention) and therefore I have hope (#1 Textbook).

From that moment on, my attitude changed; so did my actions. God was alive in me to lead me to these real enemies so He could love them through me. I just needed to learn from the #1 Textbook how to dance with an enemy.

How do we learn to include our enemies in the circle of love? Follow Jesus. How does God love us first and most? “God showed His great love for us while we were still enemies, when Christ died on the cross to bring us side by side with God” (#1 Textbook).

Jesus came from God’s heavenly family to earth to make enemies into friends, to be treated as perfect dance partners. Since we are naturally enemies in a perpetual misstep, that necessitates forgiveness, which is the hardest, but greatest, demonstration of God’s love.

How do we love our enemies first and most? It starts with forgiveness with that same kind of attitude and action. All forgiveness comes from the heart of God, which should cascade through us to others.

God lives in us to lead us to others He intends to forgive through us. “Forgive others in the same manner God has forgiven you” (#1 Textbook).

What is forgiveness, why do we need it, how do we do it, and what does it accomplish?

Our #1 textbook emphasizes five primary descriptive terms of forgiveness:

1. Take away everything divisive.

2. Cover every offense out of sight and out of mind.

3. Blot out all evidence or record of wrong.

4. Scatter all bitterness as far as east is from west, never to return.

5. Bury the problem in the depths of the sea to sink like a heavy boulder, never to float to the top.

Love forgives first and forgives most. It eliminates the offense from the recycle setting in one’s mind and it releases the offender from any and all retribution. Clean record. No grudges. No bitterness.

Forgiveness treats enemies as if they never hurt you or hated you, even when they still do.

What? That’s impossible!

Why would we want to let the other person off the hook without the hate of revenge and the hurt of retribution? We don’t. God does!

LOVE FORGIVES FIRST before the enemy ever says he or she is sorry, even if they say they are NOT sorry. Love is the first to set aside every difference and all divisions.

LOVE FORGIVES MOST by being unilateral, all-inclusive, undeserved, unconditional, and unlimited in its scope. Forgiveness is Free. Full. Forever.

Love forgives first. Love forgives most.

As I sat in my office somewhat stunned but also thrilled, I was thankful to be reminded to hold onto the most important thing in life before boarding that final flight to Heaven.

At some point in life, every one of us will be given the opportunity to love those who have offended us. They might criticize, gossip, slander. Those who hurt us might even hate us. At their worst, they are potential dance partners.

Anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness are roadblocks to joy. Those imprisoned emotions only shrink the heart and chain life to the past. If you are bitter, admit it to God. He already knows. Ask God to heal the memories and ease the pain of the past.

Upon release from twenty-seven years of incarceration during the racial civil war in South Africa, Nelson Mandela spoke a much-needed reminder to each of us. “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

Love your enemies. Debate less. Judge even less. Condemn never.

Do not hate or hurt others; do not shut them down or shut them out.

Be less offensive and the least offended.

Forgive first. Forgive most. You will be healthier and happier.

For the record, I was blessed to pastor another twenty-three years at the “Cake Church.”

They have big hearts! It is part of their spiritual DNA. They are our Family. They continue to teach us how to Love First and Love Most.

Love an enemy. Do good to someone who hates you.                                         

Bless someone who has talked badly to you or about you.

Pray for someone who mistreated you.

Forgive someone today.

Celebrate with Cake!

WINSDAY WSIDOM 222

I can hear the voice of my guardian angel as he drops his head and wings in disbelief, crying out, “What did you do now?”

These are the Dog Days of Summer, the hottest, most uncomfortable part of the year. I am spending those sultry days at home, not on the beach.

I grew up eating from my grandmother’s garden, tended by my dad and her. Dad created his own garden from which I enjoyed many fine vegetable dishes. Vicki and I have had a few garden years, but mostly limited now to her annual tomato plants.

This is her project. Her care. Her enjoyment. My contribution is occasional watering. I do not mess with the tomato plants, and I rarely eat from it.

My son, who was visiting for a few days, was watering the flowers and plants on the back patio. I cautioned him to be careful around his mother’s tomato plants, her summertime project.

Later that evening, I stepped outside with the dog. I noticed one of the heavily inhabited branches was almost dragging on the ground.

I slowly raised the tomato branch to check its height as to what size stake it needed for additional support. I was careful. I was gentle. I was helpful.

Suddenly there was a loud crack. The entire branch snapped completely away from its main stalk. I was standing there holding the best part of the tomato plant.

This section had five unripened tomatoes and several more blossoms. What do I do now? I destroyed my wife’s precious tomato project.

Confession is not the first thing that came to my mind. I tried to graft it with no success. It only produced a few more cracking sounds.

I immediately pushed the stalk back into the soil. It will still look good for another few hours. Then it will look dead and raise several suspicious questions.

I Googled for information about broken tomato plants. The internet news was not good. Essentially, the damage is done. Irreversible. Unreplaceable.

Maybe I could just trash it. Out of sight, out of mind. Wow! What happened? Those green tomatoes just disappeared.

Blaming my son was another option, but he needed grace as much as I did. The dog would have gained the quickest forgiveness. She would not even have to answer, “Why?” or “What did you do now?”

OK, I will just tell the truth. That is what I taught my kids.

“Vicki, there was an extremely strong wind last night. This tomato-laden branch got knocked off. I am so sorry for your loss. Things like this just happen sometimes.”

Well, maybe that was not the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I needed to come clean. I decided to share the bad news.

However, why did it have to be an emergency news flash that interrupted the local programming? My wife was having a good evening. She was happy, carefree. I decided to wait until later.

As my wife prepared for bedtime, I became convinced this was most definitely not the time for confession. I decided to send her a text after she was asleep. Afterall, “Tomorrow is just a day away.”

That would start her day off on the wrong foot, down five tomatoes. But if I waited until morning, she would check on her tomato plant before I ever got out of bed. That would arouse all the suspects.

I decided to tell her while she was sleeping. Maybe she will think it was a dream foretelling the reality awaiting her discovery. When questioned the next morning, I could remind her that I told her about it last night.

I asked God for wisdom. I prayed for a miracle of tomato growth. That is when my guardian angel bowed his head and wings. This was not an act of angelic worship. It must have been a plea for another assignment.

How are you doing during these Dog Days of Summer?

You know what they feel like…hot, humid, miserable days. It can feel like a sauna outside.

Did you know that “dog days” refer to Sirius, which means “scorching” in Latin. It is a reference to the brightest star representing one of Orion’s hunting dogs in the Canis Major, the “Big Dog Star” constellation. So, throughout time, the brightest star got blamed for the sun’s intolerable heatwave.

So much for stargazing. Officially, the Dog Days of Summer are consigned to the forty days between July 3 to August 11. In ancient times, the Dog Days were thought to represent drought, heat, and bad luck that drove men to act like mad dogs.

There you have it. That is my explanation for the broken tomato plant. I was overcome by the extreme sweltering heat of the Dog Days of Summer. I was out of my mind. The Dog Star made me do it.

What does that have to do with Winsday Wisdom?

Stay cool, my friend, and hydrate. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.

Water should be like your union with Christ. Jesus Christ in you and you in Christ. Keep some water coming in you and get in some water for fun and relaxation.

Use the summertime to soak up the wonder of some beautiful sites God created. From the beaches to the mountains to the comforts of home, see the glory of God’s goodness.

And look ahead to the endless days of continuous comfort promised you “when we will never hunger or thirst again; neither will the sun beat down on us with scorching heat. Never again…We will drink the refreshing springs from the Water of Life. There will be NO TEARS. Never again!” (Revelation 7:16-17).

Throw your worries and fears (and broken tomato plants) into the ocean or lake or occasional summer rain. “The world is God’s Throne. The mighty oceans thunder God’s praise. The endless waves preach of the glory of His endless goodness” (Psalms 93:1-5).

“Then the Lord showed me a basket of fresh, ripe summer fruit” (Amos 8:1). Be grateful for the garden produce that makes its way to your palate during these Dog Days.

Enjoy some fresh tomatoes this summer. Count your blessings.

Love First and Love Most. That is a great pastime for the Dog Days of Summer. That will lift up the head and gain some wings for some guardian angel.

And should you need an excuse for a mishap, it was the Dog Star’s fault. It can cause you to lose your mind for a second. Hopefully, only a second!

Who let the dogs out?
(Who, who, who, who)…(Baha Men)

WINSDAY WISDOM 221

There are too many kids having to grow up with trauma. We have much needed ministries striving to help them. I want to share one life story.

This youngster grew up in a dysfunctional family. It was a big family, lots of brothers and sisters. He was one of the youngest. His mother died when he was a little boy. His father was immoral, a thief, and habitual liar. He deceived and cheated his way through life. That was his role-model for life.                                                                                               

Besides his untrustworthy father, the boy was mistreated by his siblings. He was abused, bullied, resented, and unwanted. He grew up around crime. He had brothers who were murderers, and a sister who was raped. Some of the other brothers continuously lied to hide their wrongdoings.

Eventually, he became homeless. As a young man, he was in and out of prison. His early life was filled with manual labor and low-level jobs. He even cleaned toilets and mopped floors just to get by. There were bad bosses and undesirable circumstances.

He was hated, lied to, and lied about. He had no chance to make it in life, just left without help and hope—except for God’s plan.

In the midst of all the turmoil and trauma, he gave his life and circumstances to God. God molded him through the adversity and used him as a great vessel to help others all over the world.

Eventually he forgave and reconciled with his family and provided for their needs. He became rich and famous, but most of all he became a godly family man who lived and loved like Jesus.

His life was characterized by humility, holiness, happiness, and hope. He showed love and forgiveness to those responsible for his traumatic experiences.

God was with him, in him, over him, and under him. His love changed generations for the better.

HIS NAME WAS JOSEPH, A TRAUMA VICTOR…A HOPE POSTER.    HE LEFT THIS LASTING LESSON FOR ALL OF US AS HE SPOKE TO THOSE WHO HAD MISTREATED HIM.

 “You meant evil against me, BUT GOD MEANT IT FOR GOOD, to bring about good for many people.” (#1 Textbook)

But God meant it for good.

That describes your life no matter wherever you are on the trauma-hope spectrum.

Hope is not an outcome…it is the ever-growing confident expectation of experiencing all the goodness God has promised…somehow…some way…some time.

Joseph discovered the answers to his questions were found in the person and character of God. When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You (Psalm 56:3).

Hope in God is grounded in the promises of God which are grounded in the person of God revealed in the Word of God.

Do not worry or envy those who cause so much trauma in your life. They will fade away like winter grass. Trust in the Lord and do good. Be kind to others. Trust God to help you. Be patient. Do not give in to anger, fear, or worry. The Lord directs every step and always holds your hand. Blessings are coming. God designed it all for your greatest good. Our hope is in God. There is a wonderful future ahead for you. What a different story! There is a happy ending. (Psalm 37).

What should you do in those moments of desperation where God is your only hope? Preach to your trauma-troubled soul…change your thoughts…change the source for your thoughts.

The only way to stop thinking about one thing is to begin to think about something else. Let me illustrate: Think about the number seven. Tell me when you are no longer thinking of the number seven. That is difficult because you continue to revisit the thought of the number seven, even while trying to move past it.

The same is true for your problems. Thinking about them spirals into fear, worry, anger, anxiety, depression. You must replace the negative thought with a positive thought. Replacement does not revisit. Change the source of your thoughts.

Learn to preach to your troubled soul from God’s Word. Remind yourself, “God is my one and only hope…my only rock…my only salvation…my only real hope. God is the solid rock under my feet, breathing room for my soul. Everything I need comes from Him. I will trust and hope in God” (Psalm 62:5).

What are the lessons passed on from Joseph to you and me? God is always faithful. Always! God is always with you and for you in every trial and trauma and trouble.

Joseph experienced a plethora of traumatic challenges. Hatred. Deception. Betrayal, Abuse. Abandonment. Persecution. Slavery. False accusations. Injustice. Imprisonment.

Joseph came through those traumatic things with forgiveness and without resentment. How? He eventually understood “but God meant it all for good.”

“All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

God has a purpose. That means you have hope!

Joseph eventually saw the bigger picture of his life. It was God-designed to be a benefit to so many more people than himself.

Take heart, my friend. You have not yet read the last chapters of your God-written story! Faith and Hope are always future-oriented. We often see the Lord’s goodness only thru a rear-view mirror.

Oh Lord, please give us a bigger perspective than a focus on our past or present troubles. Change our thoughts. Give us wisdom. Renew our faith. Strengthen our hope in the unchanging, unending faithfulness of God!

As I look back on the road I’ve travelled,
I see so many times He carried me through;
And if there’s one thing that I’ve learned in my life,
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.

My heart rejoices when I read the promise
‘There is a place I am preparing for you.’
I know someday I’ll see my Lord face to face,
‘Cause my Redeemer is faithful and true.

And in every situation He has proved His love to me;
When I lack the understanding, He gives more grace to me.

My Redeemer is faithful and true.
Everything He has said He will do,
And every morning His mercies are new.
My Redeemer is faithful and true,

My Redeemer is faithful and true.

(My Redeemer is Faithful and True by Stephen Curtis Chapman).

WINSDAY WISDOM 220

ANGER!!!

Anger gets the best of us. It brings out the worst in us.

I have experienced worse driving incidents, but this was the latest. The car jumped two lanes to squeeze into the left turning lane as we approached the crowded stoplight. Right in front of me! They would have hit my car except for my catlike reflexes which slammed on my brakes, allowing the invading car to miss mine by inches.

Instead of being grateful for the near-miss collision, my mind went straight into anger mode. I showed a little restraint. Instead of laying on the horn, I banged on the dashboard and flickered my headlights. I shouted a few things. I probably called her “an idiot.”

My heartrate spiked. My teeth clinched. My stare was locked in.

As our cars made the left turn, I looked for the opportunity to pass the careless driver on the right. I intended to dart in front of that “how dare you car” the way it had crossed over into my airspace.

Suddenly I felt as though I were in the Ben Hur chariot race. Horses racing side-by-side at full speed with wheels bumping against the opponent’s chariot. This was Do or Die. This is also how many “road rage” incidents get started.

Maybe this would become like the famous car chase in The French Connection or in one of The Fast and The Furious movies.

At the next stoplight, I eased up next to the enemy who almost wrecked my car. I was ready for confrontation, but a little undecided about my first action. My mind raced through things I could do and things I could say.

Flipping someone the bird has never been my style. I am more likely to raise my arms and hands in a questioning gesture.

A strong cussing has never been part of my anger mode either. I do not use the “What the H-E-double hockey sticks?” even though my friend, Jeff, always said that God knew that was what I was thinking.

“Are you an idiot?” is more my style. Maybe “You are a dangerous driving moron!” My mind came up with many classic put-downs which are far away from a Love First, Love Most response.

The driver was a younger woman holding her phone and chatting away. A toddler was in the back car seat. She glanced over at me. She did not even notice my facial expressions and hand gestures. She turned away before my exaggerated mouthed words got a chance to air their grievances. She was clueless.

Clueless! That hurt even more. It did not lessen my anger. It only added fuel to my feelings. I was not at “road rage” but I was not in “cool down stage” either.

I noticed her intention to pull into the nearby convenience store. This would be the time for an encounter. Someone…my wife…needed to tell her off. Her negligence nearly caused a wreck. Her careless selfishness was rude to me and the drivers behind me.

Thankfully, my need for speed to be somewhere overruled my need to “read her the riot act.” That phrase refers to “stop causing trouble or there will be trouble.” R-i-o-t” act. I always thought it was the R-i-g-h-t act, like telling someone how to act right.

The original term is connected to a real Riot Act established by the British government in 1714, to prevent the actions of others causing trouble. The police officer would first read the offenders The Riot Act before they were dispersed in similar fashion to our present-day officers reading someone their Miranda Rights before they can be interrogated.

Anyway, I drove away before there was more to confess.

Anger at a clueless person is probably the most wasted anger of all. They will not get it. It will not ruin their day as much as the encounter will continue to ruin mine. I will end up feeling more guilty for an act where I was the innocent party.

I repeat for emphasis. Anger gets the best of us. It brings out the worst in us.

None of us are strangers to this kind of driving scenario. Usually, we are not the offender.

Some people are just bad drivers. Many are distracted by texting.

Some drivers are clueless that any other car is on the road. On the other end of the spectrum lies the equally dangerous self-proclaimed “NASCAR drivers” weaving in and out of traffic at full speed. Their perceived driving excellence only survives fatal crashes because of the cautious braking of other drivers.

Belligerent behavior on the roads has increased significantly. Stress and erratic driving add to the cause. Obscene gestures, throwing objects, or forcing others to alter their car direction or speed have all become too common. Race car speeds or snail’s pace puttering heighten the difficulty. Riding the bumper, tailgating, and sudden cut-offs are aggravating.

Impatience, irresponsibility, and erratic lane changing are usually symptoms of the bigger problem…selfishness. The driver believes the importance of his purpose supersedes that of everyone else. We all feel that way.

Do not get in MY way. Do not force me to change MY speed or direction or timing. Everyone plus the stoplights need to accommodate ME. The reason that does not work is because most everyone else is thinking those exact thoughts…except my grandmother.

A New York Medical School psychiatrist wrote, “We have a brain that’s acutely wired for things that might provoke us into anger or fear or survival…causing us to either flee or to attack.”

I prefer my mom’s advice. In my earlier years, my mom would reprimand my attitude to bad drivers, especially slow drivers. She would say, “Always think; that could be your grandmother.”

My grandmother never learned to drive until she was fifty-five. I can assure you her speedometer never reached fifty-five. NEVER!

It would be better to give other drivers the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they are rushing to the hospital or responding to a loved one’s adversity. Probably not, but maybe it is just my grandmother. I would appreciate it if you would treat her in the way you would treat your grandmother.

And, yes, I know some of your grandmothers. They drive like The Little Old Lady from Pasadena. Go, Granny, go! It might be my daughter making the Indy 500 look like a Roman chariot race. She’s having fun, fun, fun ’til her daddy takes the T-bird away.

That’s right. Share some understanding. The slow erratic driver might be lost or nearly blind. Have some heart! It might me my friends’ teenager who was taught to always drive slowly and carefully in the left lane. Send him a Driver’s Ed manual!

The degree of anger, like anxiety, shows up in our different temperaments.

Have you ever had an anger situation that was poorly handled? Bombshell words! Exaggerated motions! Firestorm emotions!

In driving, learn to avoid eye contact and refrain from hand gestures. There is no benefit to escalating the frustration.

Have you ever done the right thing and just walked or driven away from the offender in anger?

As you drive away, you continue the argument in your head. You come up with the classic comeback, the ultimate put down, the drop the mic moment. You leave them speechless. You have them on the ropes. You win!

Then you go home and complain to a loved one and tell them what you wanted to do and speak. They get the full brunt of your anger. At least, the anger is not directed at them.

It is not wrong to become angry. Sometimes anger can be an expression of love for God and others. Jesus was angry in those circumstances. But Jesus never expressed anger as retribution or frustration.

We have to be wise. Anger explosions can cause great damage to hearts and relationships. Anger suppressed can lead to “frozen rage” which might express itself by depression.

The difference between anger and danger is the letter “d.” Inappropriate anger can destroy lives and relationships as well as automobiles. Anger can cause bad decisions. Just a little too much anger becomes dangerous on the roadway and in the home.

The right expression of anger should motivate us to some kind of loving attitude and actions. The #1 Textbook encourages us to “get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger and replace it with kindness, compassion, and forgiveness.” Forgive yourself for getting angry and forgive the other person, preferably BEFORE you express your anger to them. We will need the Lord’s help to do that.

Jesus never had “road rage.” He did ride a donkey through some crowded streets. We know he walked through this world amidst the self-absorbed, hot-headed, rude, and crazy people. Can you imagine Legion driving in a frenzy on the freeway? Or Peter taking out his sword on another driver’s ear? No matter who was on the road, Jesus was always concerned about the welfare of others. He always loved first and loved most.

What Winsday Wisdom can we glean from that? “Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God…Do all things in love…Be patient and kind…Be slow to anger…Exchange coats by putting off anger and putting on kindness…Treat others the way you would want them to treat you” (#1 Textbook).

Treat other drivers the way you would want them to treat your grandmother. It really does not matter if they do not reciprocate in kind. In truth, that is the challenge.

I do not always know what “love first and most driving” should look like. I do understand that it definitely involves learning to drive “forgiving first and most!“

“STOP. LOOK. LISTEN.” That is not just a good warning for crossing train tracks. It is great advice for “road rage anger.” Stop before you say or do something to express your anger to the other person. Look to see if it might be my grandmother. Listen to God speak to your heart, “Love First and Love Most.”

Praying for Safe Driving and Less Stress! Love you!

WINSDAY WISDOM Session 219

What do you complain about? How often do you complain?

If the answers are ‘Everything’ and “All the Time,’ then there might be a problem with the complainer. Just sayin’.

We all complain too much and too often.

Raindrops keep fallin’ on my head
But that doesn’t mean my eyes
Will soon be turnin’ red
Crying’s not for me
‘Cause I’m never gonna stop the rain
By complainin’
Because I’m free
Nothing’s worryin’ me

It won’t be long ’til happiness
Steps up to greet me (Raindrops Keep Falling On MY Head, B.J. Thomas, by Burt Bacharach)

We can never stop the rain by complainin’, but the rain never stops us from complainin’.

Some people complain about everything…circumstances, what other people do or say, health, food, service, weather, length of a sermon, brevity of a concert, life. It is always someone else’s fault.

Chronic complainers are never satisfied. The traffic is horrible, the airport delay is infuriating, the co-workers are imbeciles, the movie is bad, the games are fixed, the government is lying, the food is better at some other place. Venters seek validation for their anger or frustration.

Sadly, complaining usually makes both the complainer and the listeners feel worse. Also, it is contagious.

We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty, and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

This is from a recent post on a neighborhood chat group: “I am trying not to be TOTALLY rude, BUT…” If this were her PARTIALLY rude comment, then I wonder what the TOTALLY rude post would have been.

Last week I heard a woman in the store say, “I hate to complain about this, BUT…” How much does someone have to HATE saying something so much that they DO NOT SAY it?

I know a mother who fielded some sibling complaints and told her daughter to share the computer tablet. “Be kind and share, or you will have no friends.

The daughter’s response, “That’s ok. I like to play by myself.” That apple does not fall far from her grandfather’s tree.

We have all experienced the soul-crushing revelation of tough times. Some are causes for concerns and complaints.

Complaints-the dissatisfaction or annoyance with someone or about something. Complaining can evolve into grumbling or whining or claims of unfairness.

Legendary Football Coach Lou Holtz made an interesting observation. “Never tell your problems to anyone…20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them.”

The Greek word translated “complainer” means literally “one who is discontented with his lot in life.” It is similar to the word grumbler. Finding fault in others is not a spiritual gift. Neither is discontentment with one’s circumstances in life.

The first complainer was Adam who, after he and Eve disobeyed, complained to God about “the woman You put here with me.” Adam’s son, Cain, grumbled about his brother’s good deeds. The faith-honoring Moses complained to God at the burning bush regarding how hard his assignment in life would be. Later he complained about the Israelites’ grumbling about his leadership and his God.

King David complained often about his dire circumstances in the Psalms. Grief-stricken Job complained about his life and Jeremiah complained about his nation’s spiritual and moral decline.

The #1 Textbook expects us not to grumble or complain.

So, is complaining wrong or acceptable? The #1 Textbook says it depends on your situation and motive.

It is not wrong to complain TO GOD, but it is wrong to complain ABOUT GOD.

Biblically, the wrong kind of complaining ABOUT GOD is referred to as grumbling. Grumbling complains that God is not really good, fair, faithful, wise, or loving to you. It accuses God of doing something you consider to be wrong.

The Biblical expression for the right type of complaints TO GOD are often called laments, expressions of grief and sorrow. I once read where a theologian described the difference between lamenting and grumbling. In a lament, you talk to God, not about God—implying that you still trust God.

The lamenting complaint does not accuse God of wrongdoing. It is an expression of trouble, grief, or sorrow where the complainer pours out his/her heart to God for help and hope.

The #1 Textbook indicates there are times to cry out or complain to God about the pain, unfairness, disappointments, troubles, and confusion in life. It is the voice of a child to a loving parent, a cry for help, a hope for better times.

“I cry out to the Lord. I plead for mercy. I pour out my heart in complaint TO GOD. I tell God all my troubles” (Psalm 142:1-2). David continues his complaint that “no one cares for my soul. but You (God) will deal bountifully with me. You are my only refuge.”

God understands. God understood Daved, Job, Jeremiah, and understands you. God allowed you to be in this situation. God is the only one who can cause it to work out for good. So, complaining TO GOD is not just okay to do, it is encouraged by God. God already knows how you feel. He knows what you want. God will listen as you work through your complaints.

My cousin, Toni, was the princess of our family. She was beautiful, smart, strong, and kind. She was blessed with a good husband and two wonderful young boys. She developed terminal cancer in her early forties. She was devastated, as were the rest of our family.

When I visited her in the hospital, Toni asked if she could be honest with me. She said she was so mad at God but felt so guilty saying it. She cried as she poured out her heart about how unfair this was. She continued to weep as she worried about her sons. She asked for my counsel.

I suggested she just tell God what she had just told me. Toni seemed shocked. I shrugged and said, “It is not like He does not already know how really feel.”

I encouraged her again before we prayed together. Talk it out with God. He can handle your complaints. God will not love you any less. The more you complain TO GOD, the more foolish it will seem since He is the only one who can help you.

EVERTHING GOD DOES IS ALWAYS WISE, RIGHT, AND GOOD.

Everything! Always! The more you express your complaints TO GOD, the more you will end up trusting Him, as Toni did. Her complaints honored God as the God of her trust. Keep telling God no one cares for your soul until you realize how foolish and wrong that is. God never ceases to care for you. Never.

As the sorrowful Job declared, “Even though God slays me, I will still trust Him.”

We can complain to others, but they cannot help us in times of trouble, grief, and sorrow. When we complain TO GOD, we realize we are not alone, not misunderstood, not without care.

It is part of our fallen human nature to complain about things in life which displease us. It becomes ingrained in our attitudes and words. We start young and, sadly, never grow out of it.

We want what we want, the way we want it, and when we want it. Anything less is deemed unfair, unacceptable, undesirable. I will repeat, complaining is not a spiritual gift no matter how often it is used.

So, what is at the heart of our complaints? We all want our complaints to be heard. Ironically, none of us want to listen to the complaints of others, especially if they are directed at us. We just want others to listen to our complaints. Afterall, this world is about me. Ok, you and me.

Complaining is connected to spiritual amnesia, forgetfulness of God’s goodness. It is more of a revelation about the condition of your heart than an account of your circumstances.

The antidote to grumbling and complaining is to REMEMBER.

 “This I call to mind and remember so I see the one ray of hope. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His compassion never ends. God’s great love is new every morning. Great is God’s faithfulness. My soul claims the Lord as my inheritance; therefore I will hope in Him. The Lord is wonderfully good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks for Him. It is good both to hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord” (Lamentations 3:21-26).

Grumbling and complaints are indicators that we are not trusting in God and His goodness. Our words, attitude, and actions question God’s love and wisdom. It is an expression of how we truly feel at the time…that we can do a better job of running things than God does.

If you have a man-sized god, then your anxiety level will never get better. Your complaints will fall on deaf ears. “Why should we humans grumble and complain?” (#1 Textbook).

Your complaining convinces others you are not in control of things. Life will be much better when you realize that. Talk TO GOD who does control all things. He might not give an explanation for your circumstances, but He will give perspective.

God did not give the complaining Job an explanation. God did point Job’s attention to creation, the stars, and the animals for perspective. It was a call for Job and us to remember. There is no unfairness with God. Only beauty and blessings.

Abraham Lincoln once illustrated perspective of life, “You can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”

God pointed the bewildered Joseph, the complaining Moses, and the lamenting Jeremiah to the future. Every event in life has a future purpose.

“The Biblical characters and their circumstances were written for our instruction that through endurance and encouragement of God’s Word, we might have hope in our circumstances” (Romans 15:4).

Their faith encourages us to trust God in all things. Toni’s faith still encourages me today.

If you must, complain TO GOD, not about God. Your continued trust in the midst of unanswered questions will be used by God to encourage another struggler to endure in hope.

Winsday Wisdom: Our thoughts and words are a reflection of our heart. Complain less. Instead of complaining more about all the messed-up things in life, be more grateful for all the troubles you do not have.

“The things about which we are tempted to complain may be the very answer to our prayer to be made like Jesus”–Elisabeth Elliot.

Everything God does is wise, right, and good. Everything. All the Time. Trust Him.