Funeral. Memorial Service. Graveside. Last Rites. Celebration of Life. Committal Service. Farewell Tour. A Time of Remembrance.
Whatever you choose to call it, we will all experience that Last Thing.
Whatever you choose to call it, I do not like attending.
I see the value of it for grieving loved ones. I understand the intent of honoring the departed person.
I go to funerals with love and respect, never resentment. I just do not like being there.
As a former pastor, I spoke at many of them. As a friend of Owasso’s Steve Mallory and Spiro’s Wayne Hoffman, I do not advocate to stop having these precious memory moments. Check in with those gentlemen and plan in advance. (Yes, I am expecting discounts.)
My advice to the living is to share as much love as you can before your Last Thing.
Please indulge me while I am still living as I share some thoughts that triggered this Winsday Wisdom.
My wife thought it was time I trashed some of my ‘trash’ that was piling up in my notebooks cluttering a section of our closet.
In the process, I discovered two pages of handwritten notes for a funeral service. The notes marked a unique occasion.
My brother, Bill, called to ask for a favor. A friend requested him to speak at the memorial service for their grandmother who was a major fan of Bill Blankenship as a coach and friend.
Bill asked me to step in as his substitute since he was scheduled to be out of town. For me, officiating any funeral is difficult. It is especially challenging when you do not know the person or anyone in the family.
My notes fairly summarized the occasion. Grandmother was a graduate of the little farmhouse school that had become a metropolitan mega school with a champion powerhouse football program under the leadership of Coach Bill.
Grandmother was a huge fan of Union and Bill. Her final earthly request was for her family to ask Bill to speak at her funeral.
Enter the substitute. Bill asked that I talk about his love for Grandmother and her support of the football team.
Grandma’s family requested that I talk about her love for Bill and the football team.
My notes captured the request perfectly. Grandmother loved birds…and Bill. She invested her time in gardening…and Bill’s football team.
She was a believer in Jesus and Bill’s coaching ability. She was proud of her children, six grandchildren, seven great-grandchildren, one great-great-grandson…and Bill.
My notes clearly emphasize Grandmother’s request to talk about her love for flowers, birds…and Bill.
Grandma even requested we sing Amazing Grace, In the Garden, and My Eyes Adore You, Bill.
The lyrics from The Fifth Dimension version were printed opposite the obituary.
Bill, I love you so, I always will
I was on your side, Bill, when you were losing
I love you so, I always will
‘til you marry me, Bill
You get the idea. I do not have any resentment. I just kept those notes in my “You Owe Me” security box. I may need a substitute someday.
When I moved to a new city, the interim pastor led most of the funerals that first year. He knew the people better than I.
His biggest ‘Amen’ statement in several services began with a rhetorical question.
“What can I say about this man? I searched the Bible and found the perfect verse. He was a good man!” The chorus of “Amens” followed.
I am not the judge of anyone. I did know these ‘good men’ who never attended church. That is not a dealbreaker. The thing that bothered me was that the passage from the #1 Textbook is “Barnabas was a good man, FULL OF THE HOLY SPIRIT AND FAITH” (Acts 11:24).
The speaker never included that last and extremely important part of the scriptural reference. That is just my observation colored by my dislike of funerals.
I need that reminder. The Last Thing for others is designed to help us refocus on what really matters in this life. It is not enough to just be a good person. God’s grace through Jesus Christ enables us to live a God-centered and God-honoring life (see Ephesians 2:8-9; Titus 3:5, 2 Timothy 1:9, and others).
The #1 Textbook reminds us that it is far better for us to attend a funeral than go to a party (Ecclesiastes 7:2).
A memorial service is a time to show RESPECT for someone else as well as a time to REFLECT on your own life.
Am I living for what really matters now and for eternity? Will I leave behind something of value beyond my toys, trinkets, trivia, treasure, and trash?
Will my love investment last longer than my earthly life? Am I loving first and loving most? Where do I need to make amends, forgive, or ask for forgiveness? How can I pick up the pace as I run in love toward the finish line?
Am I taking my love to higher levels?
Are my EYES UP?
Do not fear the Last Thing. Live today. Enjoy your life and remember the most important thing is to love God and love others. Love First. Love Most.
The #1 Textbook also states that when the time for that Last Thing comes for us, we will have no control over it. (You might ask for Bill but get me.) The living will do whatever they choose.
With that in mind, I do make this request for my Last Thing.
I have asked my wife not to have a public Last Thing for me.
I ask all my extended family and friends to express their love for me by TAKING THE TIME AND ANY COST that might have been incurred from remembering me at my Last Thing and USE IT TO DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR FAMILY. PLEASE.
Be together. Hug. Laugh. Share good memories. Create a special time or memory. Go out to eat. Go to a movie. Take your grandkids to an amusement park. Send a gift to some missionaries.
Then say, “This one is on Rex. Enjoy.”
You can even talk about Bill.
Write my family a note about what you did to enjoy my Last Thing. Wait! Do not spend money on flowers, a nice card, or postage. Just text or email.
I know my family and friends. You will do whatever you want to do. Why would you start to heed my suggestions now? Surprise me!
Make sure you are ready for the Last Thing. Every day is a gift. Keep unwrapping the gift. Do your best to live and love each new today and all your tomorrows.
Just remember to live for the One Thing that will outlast this Last Thing.
When my Last Thing comes, I can assure you I will be in a far better place where I can perfectly and eternally love first and love most. Each moment will become a discovery that the bar has already been set higher.
You can always take love to a higher level.
Let us practice that now so that it will be our last thing in this earthly life before its Last Thing.
As Roy Rogers sang to Dale Evans,
Happy trails to you, until we meet again
Happy trails to you, keep smilin’ until then
Who cares about the clouds when we’re together?
Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather
Happy trails to you, ’till we meet again
Some trails are happy ones
Others are blue
It’s the way you ride the trail that counts
Happy trails to you
EYES UP! Love You!
Nostalgia Notes: This was my parting song to my future wife after most dates.
LOVE FIRST...LOVE MOST 